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userfriendly_

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Everything posted by userfriendly_

  1. and I would reply to each individual, but some times I don't have the words, so to be fair, I thanked you all as a collective. that's all.
  2. thank you guys for sharing your experiences...it's actually very helpful, and very nice to have insight and perspective from others. I don't know how I'd fair in a group grief counseling setting, but I have considered trying to hunt down my old therapist from high school. she was awesome, and the one therapist I ever grew fond of and could talk to. so, there's that. I had plans before all this, I wont back down now or anything but I think it'll take some time 'til I'm emotionally stable enough to function in society and get these things accomplished. (don't giggle) but Lee always pushed me (with love) to get my GED so I could go to a make up school, perhaps MAC Houston or through Sephora...and to learn to drive (uber afraid of cars, am I the only one? eff cars.) so, I know I do have things to look forward to, they're just not quite at arms length yet, if you will... one thing I regret, though Lee always told me "regret is the most counter-productive emotion humans put themselves through"; is that we took photos of each other, but not enough. and not enough together. I'm thinking of making a small, private album I can link public to, I'm not sure flickr has that feature but I'll check it out. for now, I think I'll attach my favorite photo he took of me and a few more that were good too. I hope no one minds. (I can tell no one will mind, just sayin'.) he was quite good with a camera, it was some help that I consider myself an amateur photographer, hehe. but yeah. here's some of those, they're sweet photos. the last one, of myself and our bunny Oliver, is a bit bittersweet to look at, because we both considered her our baby, since we never could get around to making our own. she died September 17th. he was the first person I called. made him so sad, he loved Oliver so much...heh anyway, again, I'd like to thank all for the replies and personal experiences. I feel, well somewhat less lost. I'm still not quite there yet, and I'm still trying to be strong, but this has been a hugely immense help, and I was very skeptical about it at first. so thank you guys, for being nonjudgmental, for understanding. I can't be thankful enough for his friends, our friends, my personal friends, family, and this host of strangers online who have nothing but nice, sweet stories and things to say. thank you. x
  3. I don't know where to begin...my lover passed on the 3rd...we buried him the 7th...his birthday is the 1st of November...he didn't even make it to 26... they absolutely butchered his funeral. it was in no way how he told me he wanted it. it did him no justice, no dignity. it was terrible, minus the fact that all our friends, and the friends he didn't get the chance to introduce me to, were great comforts. I was with him for nearly six years. we had an intense, passionate, loving, though some times tumultuous relationship, full of deep emotional investment and compromise and all those good things. he...ODd on heroin...after a year of being clean. so, just to be honest, he wasn't perfect, he was still human as ever. regardless, he was so intelligent. went to UT for biology and made it all the way through. he never backed down from us, even if I pushed him away if I was having troubles...he was absolutely dedicated to making sure I knew he loved me. a friend said, "we all have these memories with Lee. and I think the reason why so many people have so many different things to say is because he was all about individulized time with people he was intrigued by and genuinely cared for, so it's great we all have different, wonderful, beautiful, funny stories to share with one another." and they're absolutely right. I need to know other people's stories of how to get through this. none of my friends, while exponentially helpful and comforting, has lost someone they were with for so long and loved so intensely. someone, even though you're strangers...please, tell me where to begin. all I can do is weep and ask "why, why, why...?"
  4. I'd give anything again to be your babydoll...

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