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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Moonmom91

Contributor
  • Posts

    5
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Previous Fields

  • Date of Death
    1990
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Illinois
  • Interests
    Scrapbooking, painting, reading, watching football and baseball
  1. Once again, thanks so much for your reply. It has really helped me just to know that there are others who have had similar emotions, although the situations may be different. I think that has been one of the difficult things – that my specific situation doesn’t fit into most of the categories that you can find information on, which has made it hard for me to find answers. However, I found the article you mentioned (about emotions and triggers) to be extremely interesting; it really made sense to me, and it gave me practical ideas. Most importantly, though, it gave me HOPE!! Thank you for guiding me to some very helpful information, and for making me feel not quite so alone.
  2. You are right about that "welling up" feeling. It's horrific. And it makes no sense to me at this point in my life. I love my husband, and don't want anything to come between us. One of the reasons I don't want to talk to him about this is that I don't understand it myself, and don't want him to be hurt through misunderstanding it. After all, it is comprised of memories of events that happened before I even met him. So, I don't want my ex back. I don't want to ruin the life that I have now. So why are thoughts of the past constantly running through my mind? It's like I'm reliving events and feelings and reactions. And I'm doubting myself. And I feel worthless and rejected again...which is strange, because I'm the one who left him, though I feel like he pushed me to it. This all seems so ridiculous, because it was so long ago and has nothing to do with my present life, but it is all so real to me. I feel like I'm going crazy. It's two steps forward, one step back...but sometimes it seems more like one step forward, two steps back.
  3. Thanks for your thoughts on this. It does help a bit, just to know someone has listened! I have thought that talking to a counselor would perhaps be helpful, but I really can’t afford it. I appreciate the time you took to read and respond to my post. I also have read some of the other posts on here, and it has helped some to know that others have experienced similar heartache and confusion. I know that I need to move through and beyond this, but I don’t know how, or how long it will be. It’s like it’s something that’s totally unrelated to my current life, so I go through the motions every day, while inside my head is spinning and my emotions run wild. When I initially dealt with our break up, I didn’t do so well (I indulged in a lot of unhealthy activities, including drinking and cutting and other things I won’t mention). In my current life, I have enough happiness and contentment that I can’t afford to slip back into those old emotion-avoiding activities, and I don’t want to, but I worry sometimes. It’s like having two different people warring inside me, and I don’t know how to deal with it. I’m not totally opposed to anti-depressants if that is what it will take to keep me from ruining my life. But I also worry that I will not work through whatever it is that I need to work through if I feel better. I don’t want to simply feel better and then have something still lurking under the surface. On the other hand, maybe there isn’t anything to fix, and I’m just obsessing over it, and it would be better to just feel better. I don’t know!!! Today was a bad day. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
  4. Thank you for your response and insight. I will certainly look at the resources you mentioned. My husband and I have always had a great relationship, and have encouraged others to do whatever necessary to make their relationships work. Even though there are probably some things we can work on, we do have a solid marriage, largely because we have taken it seriously while also having fun together. When my ex contacted me, I looked at it as something that I needed yo deal with by myself. I think that I was hoping it would be a chance to get some answers about why things went the way they did so long ago. Of course, that was totally erroneous! All it did was open old scars. I only had a very few written exchanges with him and then cut him off when I realized that everything was going southward. I very much understand the negative effects it could have on my marriage, which is one reason I ended our conversation as promptly as I did. What I don't Understand is why it still affects me so much, when I thought it was all taken care of long ago. My doctor, to whom I confided the bare essentials, suggested that I'm going through the grieving process again, and that makes some sense to me, since it never seemed fully resolved before. But I don't know what to expect now. Will time simply take care of it? For now, I seem to be at the mercy of my emotions. Some days are bad, some are good. I just want it all to end. I feel like I'm living in two different worlds. I feel confused, angry, and guilty, and find escape in ways that aren't healthy. I guess I'm not so sure that simply working on my marriage, which is a pretty good one, will help with the deeper emotional problems that stem from the earlier love and loss.
  5. This is a long story, made as short as I can make it: I have been married for 20 years to a wonderful man who is my best friend. We have 4 children, and have thoroughly enjoyed the adventure of our life together. I met him during a dark period of my life, and he helped me to regain self confidence and happiness. A couple of months ago, I was contacted on a social network by a man who was my first love and my greatest heartbreak. I met him when I was 15, married him when I was 18, and divorced him when I was 19 after he became manipulative and what I considered to be emotionally and verbally abusive. (He was 5 years older than me.) I ignored him the first time he contacted me, but then when he tried again, I (very, very foolishly) responded. Thus began a catapult back into that dark place I had been in so long ago, not as bad, but it still feels at times like I’m back at square one, experiencing the anger, confusion, guilt, and sadness. I told my husband about the initial contact, but nothing else. I have absolutely no one to talk to. I feel so alone, and my mind is constantly spinning. I had been over him for so long, and I want to still think of him as the destructive person I left, not as a normal man who is doing fine in life. I did block him, so if he wanted to contact me again he’d have to get creative. But the damage is already done, and I don’t know how to fix it. Sometimes I feel okay, but at others it seems like there’s a deep, black hole trying to swallow me. I don’t understand why this is affecting me like this after so many years, but I hate it. If anyone has any wisdom on this, I’m open to listening. Maybe just writing this will help.
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