I am 24. When I was 18 my mom was diagnosed with cervical cancer. Everyone told me she would be ok and that cervical cancer was easily cured. Well, she died only 4 months after her diagnosis. Meanwhile I was partying it up away at college thinking she was going to be fine. I moved back about a month before she passed. Everyone still lead me to believe she was going to be ok. It wasn't until the end of my first week back, when my mother went to the hospital in the middle of the day that I realized how bad it was. She was in ICU. I went in the middle of the night and states with her. The next morning I woke up to her crying. She told me not to worry and that she was going to be fine. My aunt, her twin, came in and asked me to come in the hall. She had been crying. She brought me out and shut the door. She then told me that the doctors gave my mom just a month to live. I fell to my knees, hysterical. The nurses had to carry me into an empty room. I was devastated. My mom and I had JUST started getting close, she had JUST become my best friend. How could I lose her when we had become
e so close for the first time in my life?
The hardest part of that is when I look back. I cried hard, but I only cried for a little while. Then I stopped. I didn't cry anymore. They sent her home the next day and set up hospice. The next week she fell into a coma. After that, I started readingtje bible to her. At that point, she would take breaths every 30day seconds or so. It was hard to watch her suffer. One night, I read for a little while, then I put The Book down, held her hand, and begged her to let go. I lay ny head on her shoulder listening to her raspy, short breaths. She'd breath out, wait about 30 seconds, take a quick short breath, exhale and repeat. As I lay there holding her hand, she exhaled. I waited....... 30 seconds..... a minute.... 2 minutes. My aunt walked in and sat on the futile. That was set up next to the hospice bed. I looked up at her from my mothers shoulder and whispered, "she's gone" my aunt asked me what I just said.... a little louder I said it again, "She's gone". I then said it louder and louder u til I was screaming, "SHE'S GONE!!!!" My step-dad came running in. He yelled to my aunt to get me out of the room. They tried to calm me... it took two pills... still not sure what the were.... but it took two of them to make me fall asleep. I didn't cry anymore after that nig
A year later, I was out of town meeting my new boyfriend's friends and family. About 9pm my phone rings. Its my half sister. She is crying and saying over and over how sorry she is that this has happened to me again. I knew. My dad was dead. He had gone to collect rent from one of his tenants and was drug into the vacant apartment next to it and stabbed over 30 times. I cried very hard that night. And I didn't cry much after that.
Here is my dilemma. It has been 5 and 6 years now, and instead of getting easier, its getting harder. I don't know what to do. The last couple months it gas really come down hard on me ... for no reason... someone please tell me, how do you make it hurt less instead of worse?? I am completely lost right now and my husband doesn't know how to handle it. So I don't go to him. I just cry. Any tips? I am open to all advice.
