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hi KL, yes, exercise has helped me a lot in dealing with my grief and my depression. i channelled my anger and sadness in exercising, after a while i feel a little better, though temporary it helps me a lot. it clears my mind, and makes me focus on what i have right now. even just a 10-minute stretching or 30-minute can do wonder to my mind, especially during those times that im having mixed emotions during the early months of my grief. keeps me in good shape too and strengthen my resistance against sickness. Take care.

hi shelley, just want to send u a big, tight hug right this very moment. u are in my thoughts and prayers. u have helped us a lot here with your kind words and i am grateful for that. and i dont think it is weird to miss the hugs of our loved ones. we all do. and i agree with shell to get ur fave stuff toy and hug it when u are really missing ur mom so much. it works for me.. take care.

hi kellymarie, what a wonderful post..i can relate to what u are feeling. i felt that way a month ago. i tried to find myself and face life again..and i am slowly regaining my self. now, i am able to find joy in simple things in life. and i can easily smile now. my life is indeed enriched by the loss i suffered. it is a wonderful feeling, to feel joy again, when i never thought before that i will survive. but here i am..here we are. and i totally agree with this.. "The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep, loving concern."

i am very sorry for ur loss, cindy. i am praying for u right this very moment for God to give u the strength to handle his death. like u, i lost my ex-boyfriend on a motorcycle accident 4 months ago. i went through so much pain and guilt too.i was not also able to say goodbye to him. but as months passed by, i am slowly adjusting to the fact that i will no longer see him again. i remember crying everyday for the 1st 3 months. the pain was real 'hell' for me. and i just kept on praying to God for strength each day. please hang on cindy, we are here to listen to you and be with u in your times of sorrow. this site has helped me a lot in dealing with my grief, and i do hope it can help u too..

i can relate well with ur feelings, tattoodlb. i feel sad everytime i see people driving on their motorcycles. my ex-boyfriend died in a motorcycle accident exactly 4 months ago. he was riding the motorcycle with his friend, and he's on the back seat, he was not wearing a helmet too. they fell on a sharp curve and he was the one badly affected.he died 5 hours after the accident while his friend survived. it was very painful for me that i only knew about his death 20 days after..and add to that, i am in a medical profession too and i feel guilty that i was not even there when he was brought to the hospital. his family told me about this, and sometimes i cant help thinking the actual event of his accident..all the pain he suffered, all the blood loss, and if only he were brought immediately to the hospital then he could have survived. there are times that i still feel very angry with him for riding the motorcycle when he has told me many times before that "riding a motorcycle brings one closer to death". how ironic that he died on it. it still brings me a lot of pain everytime i look at people riding their motorcycle, and i will never ride the motorcycle again for the rest of my life..

tears i thought i am starting to recover but i am crying again i thought i am starting to accept your death but i am crying again i thought i am starting to rebuild my life but i am crying again i cannot control the tears from flowing i have no strength left to stop the hurting this pain is driving me insane and all i can do is - to cry again in my solitude. ~annj 08.11.06 /0015

derek, u are always in my prayers. your words of encouragement and kindness and your faith with God have been a source of inspiration for many of us here. i do hope and pray everything will turn smoothly for u this month. we are always here to listen. i really agree with what John said about u. u are such a remarkable man. God bless u. ============= in today's bright sunlight basking, leave tomorrow's cares alone-- spoil not preent joys by asking: "who shall roll away the stone?" oft, before we've faced the trial we have come with joy to own, angels have from heaven descended and have rolled away the stone. -Anon

gabrielle, u can always pour out ur feelings to us, and we will understand coz we have gone through the same experience too. and i think it is really better than hearing ur friend's selfish remark. we are here to listen to u..

thanks again kayc. u always know how to brighten my day with ur words of encouragement. and i certainly agree with u chrissy when u say "we are worth it to live our life and enjoy it as best we can although some days are harder than others just remember that there are many good days ahead:).." God bless..

chrissy, i am very sorry for your loss. like you, i also have a very hard time accepting the fact that someone special to me died and i was not there when he died. i was not there during his funeral and i was not there during his burial. until now, it hurts a lot to know that i was not even there to hold his hand, to say goodbye.. my ex-boyfriend died in a motorcycle accident last april 2006. but we remain good friends with each other, and still care for each other. i only learned of his death 20 days after. his family wanted to inform me but they did not know my number or how to contact me. and as far as they know, they thought that i am still his girlfriend. since nobody on my side knows abt our relationship, i have to kept my grief all by myself. i've been in a 'roller-coaster' sort of feelings for 3 months. i cried every night coz of the pain. sometimes, i felt so numb. most of the times, i am in denial. i was angry with God, with him, and with myself too. i was depressed for a long time, i overslept a lot. literally, i lost my enthusiasm and confidence in doing things, i lost focus with my studies. i even visited his family twice, i talked with them..i thought this would help lessen the pain. and during the first 2-3 months, i always come to his gravesite, and cried and talked with him there. and literally too, i talked with him in my mind everyday, everynight. it is still hard for me to accept that he is gone forever. what keeps me sane is through writing. i wrote poems, i wrote letters. and i pray a lot..for strength. i never thought i could experience tooo much pain. but i had. but most of the times, when i was really feeling so down and hurting a lot, it was during those times that i can actually feel his presence...i had 'goosebumps' for 3-5 seconds, but i also feel very at peace. it was like he is telling me that he is there trying to comfort me, he knows what i am going through and that thought comforts me. it gives me a kind of peace knowing that he is watching over me always. but sometimes, i have so many 'what-ifs' too..and it is driving me crazy. and i just have to comfort myself with the thought that maybe, just maybe, he really did not want me to see him suffer. maybe, he is thinking that i am too weak to see him dying..that i am too weak to accept his death that is why i learned very late. oh God, i really have crazy thoughts. but if only..if only i was given the chance to say goodbye to him, to talk to him for the last time. and i still get very sad everytime i think of this, of how i was denied this chance... " Its so weird because for the past few days I was so angry and depressed but today I was working in the babies nursery and I just feel this sense of calm and peace." "I wish there was a way I could pass this feeling around to everyone here and who is greiveing. " i am so glad chrissy that u feel this way now. i am on my 4th month now, and i noticed that the tears became lesser too. sometimes, i felt calmer and have this sense of peace with myself too. sometimes, i couldnt help but smile when i think that he is actually in a safer place now,if not a better place..knowing that He is together with our Creator now.. God bless u and ur child chrissy. i will always be praying for u. and thank u for sharing that beautiful poem..

gabrielle, i am very sorry to hear about your loss. please know that i am praying for u, and for everything that u are going through now. it is good that u are able to talk about your pain with us. ur pain is very fresh, i dont know what to say to help lessen it. but we are always here to listen to you, and we care. this site has helped me a lot in dealing with my own loss, and i do hope it can help u too.

kayc, i do hope ur interview went well. u always have my prayers.. lately too, i have been experiencing this 'loss of confidence' with myself. i started to doubt my capabilities, and i just 'go with the flow' of events. before, i consider myself an assertive person..but lately, i noticed i agree easily with what others have to say, or how things will go. it seems i feel too tired to argue now or contradict other people's opinion or explain some things to them. some things are not going well for me these days the way i planned it, but it seems my reaction for this is just to accept it as it is. i just want to get through each day without any expectations at all. i hope this phase will pass too... take care everyone..

To WaltC and family, my prayers are always with u. i really hope u will recover fast.. please know, that U have inspired a lot of people here by ur kind words.

Thank you derek for reminding me of that beautiful poem..for reminding me that God is actually carrying me through this pain..through this hard times. it gives me some kind of peace..some hope for the future. sometimes, in my pain, i failed to see God's love. but people like you, and everyone here help me renew my faith.. hope tomorrow will be a lot better..

haley, just like u, how i wish i would just go nuts too, in order not to feel the pain anymore. the past few days have not been good. sometimes, i feel so numb, but most of the time, i just cried and cried a lot. im too tired of this pain.. i am trying to understand God's reasons. i have so many 'Whys' too.. i am trying not to lose my faith. i kept asking for His strength. but i am just too tired to think of anything now.. derek, im hanging on to what u were saying.."the times that you go nuts will start to get fewer and the time inbetween will start to get longer."