RoRo

Thank you Ron B. for reminding me that this is a "time out" phase of life. Often times as we cope with stressful events in life we are able to push past them, but grief is different of course and the loss of a parent in this case both parents really turns your life upside down. It's hard to imagine what life will be like on the other side and its even harder to imagine what our identities will be like. I have started going to counseling and also a bereavement group which is helping. I am glad that I found these forums to help with this process as I find my way day to day. One step at a time. Rosie

Hi Niamh, Thank you again for your encouragement. It's so helpful to hear from others who understand the emotions and the loss. It's one thing to "understand" it as many folks who have never lost their parents do and it's another thing to actually know how the loss feels once you have been through it. Your words give me hope which is what I really needed today. Rosie

Thank you Niahm, your words are so comforting and reassuring. You are absolutely right, the process will run its own course. I feel so sad most days and the cry that I release is so deep that I wonder if I will ever heal from her loss. It feels like it's been one continuous roller coaster of grief for the last 7 years with both of my parents being ill. You are anticipating the loss long before it occurs and grieving from it. Not to mention that the end of life often means we have to find closure to issues we may have with out parents in order to find peace in our hearts. It feels like the grief will never end. My anxiousness to fast forward the grief comes from the intense pain that I feel but also the fact that it's been going on for so long. Thank you for the validation, it helps when others who have been through experience can remind me that I am behaving normally given my loss. Sending big hugs back your way. Rosie

I have had multiple losses over the last few years. My father passed away 4 years ago from cancer and my mother lost her battle to cancer a little over a month ago. I feel so alone, so empty, so sad. I spent so much of my time caring for them, absorbed with thier care and trying to find closure to my life with them that I feel so out of sorts with myself. I am not married, do not have children either. I worked during the time I cared for them and finished up a doctoral degree shortly before my mom passed. I feel like now that both my parents are gone, I am alone. I know that I didn't make a decision on putting some of my life on hold to care for them, but right now the feeling of emptiness and lonliness are overwhelming. All I can do is cry everyday and it's a deep painful cry that feels like it is endlessly flowing. There is no relief from the sadness and the loss. I feel crazy and run down. I try to be good to myself and tell myself that I am human and that I have been through a lot the last few years, but it doesn't seem to help. I am anxious to feel better, feel alive again and yet nothing I do seems to make it any better. I feel like I am dying inside, like life is escaping me while everyone else around me seems to be unphased by what I am going through. This is more maddening. Does anyone have any advice or can anyone relate?

Hi Erin, I know the feeling of having multiple loved ones nearing the end of life. I understand how hard it is to grapple with loving them, caring for them, and trying to sort how your own feelings about thier loss and their needs and desires. I lost my father 4 years ago to cancer. My mom was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer a year after this death. I feel like I have been dealing with letting the passing of one parent go, while I was preparing for the eventual passing of another. It truly has been the hardest thing I have ever confronted in this life. I thought I would just offer to say that experiences like the loss of our loved ones are far greater than anything we could ever prepare for and confront. All you can give yourself right now is time to take in the loss of your mother and the time to prepare to absorb the loss of your best friend. There is no right or wrong way to do it just simply finding your way through it every day is all that you ask of yourself. The anticipation is so difficult, it feels like you are grieving the loss far before you even experience it. I wish you continued strength and hope that life gives you the opportunity to be there for her so that you have the peace you need in your heart to let her go when that time comes. I love my best friend like she is my sister and I know that if I were to face her loss right now I know that this is what I would hope for. I also know this is what she would want for me. You are a good friend and I know that she knows this and appreciates you as you accompany her into the next phase of her journey. God bless.

I recently loss my mother a little over a month ago. Her loss came back to back with my father's passing. He had been ill with cancer for several years and passed away 1 year before she was diagnosed with terminal cancer too. I spent much of my time during his passing finding closure with him since he was absent most of my life. My relationship with my mother was very strained at the time seeing as how she and my father had not spoken in 28 years. I also had many separate issues with her. I transitioned from his loss immediately into caring for her and trying to prepare for her eventual loss seeing as how she was given only 3 months to live at the diagnosis. She held on for several year during which I spent most of time caring for her and finding closure to many unresolved issues with her as well. I feel good about the choices I made in being there for them. I feel like I have found peace with myself and with them yet the rollercoaster of emotions I am feeling on a daily basis feels maddening. I feel anger, I feel sadness, I feel so empty, so alone. I am a natural extrovert and as much as I try to reach out to others is just doesn't seem like others are there or understand the loss. I cant seem to understand how the world keeps going round and round business as usual when I can barely function. I spent so much of my time focusing on them that my life now seems so undeveloped. I am not married, do not have children and so it seems like the loss is even more intense without that immediate support system around me. I keep feeling like maybe the grief would have been easier if my own life had been developed. I look around at my brothers and even folks who have lost thier parents at my place of employement and everyone seems to be functioning decently yet I feel like I am falling to peices most days. I feel like I just want to break with little energy to engage the world. I keep tyring to tell myself that this will pass and I will get to the other side of this but the truth is I just feel crazy a lot of the time and like I just keep trying to make it through each day without a good sense of where I am going. I feel so confused, scared and with little hope of building the life I want now. Does anyone have any words of wisdom?