blw215

Thanks for answering my post girls. Yes, I do have a church family and I'm sure any one of the gentlemen would be glad to help me but our church members are aging and I'm not sure if any of them could do what I needed at the time. But that is a wonderful idea. Now, the rest of the things are jobs which are going to need done in the next few months and WILL need a contractor. As far as getting together with other widows, the funeral home which took care of all the arrangements for my husband has a social worker who has grief therapy for anyone (man or woman) who loses a loved one every week for up to a year and it was wonderful. But the best part is that we all get together 1 day a month and go to a restaurant where we have our own room and eat and talk about problems, etc. Through this I met a wonderful woman and we go to the movies, out to eat, etc. These are things I look forward to and that helps the loneliness. Thanks again, Bonnie

As I've said on here my husband died last year. This year has been really bad for me. A lot of the stress is due to the indifference of my son. He's the only child I have and sometimes it feels like I have no children at all. At first, he, his wife and children (he has two grown children) were there for me but gradually the caring went away. My husband had done everything here at the house as far as maintaining it. Of course, I knew nothing about plumbing, electricity, etc. When I tried to ask my son about things he seemed extremely upset with me. He came over and did a few things for me, and after that I tried not to bother him. Of course then I had to find my own way and this resulted in my having to pay for services. When I would tell him,, he would tell me I probably paid too much and I was thinking that if I could have asked him maybe things would have been different. I would like to call over at their house to ask his opinion on things but when his wife picks up she will say he is eating dinner or doing something else so I just say, "I'm sorry would you have him call me later?". When he calls back he acts as though I want him to do something again, or if he picks up the phone and it's me his voice sounds like he's sorry it's me. So I just don't call or go over to their house anymore (they live about 5 miles from me). I have cried many tears over this as I love him and his family very much. All the family I have now is my sister and my brother who lives in VA (I'm in PA). My mother is 91 and is in a nursing facility with dementia. I go to see her every week but she's not the mother I knew anymore. I thought my son would help a little more because he knows the situation with my family but I guess I was wrong. It's very lonely and I asked them if I could go out with them to eat one Friday a month (they eat out every Friday evening) and I went 1 time and paid my own bill which was expected of me. Then I never was asked again. There are so many other things that have happened which I won't get into here but I was just wondering if anyone else here has had this problem. Besides still mourning for my husband I mourn for the son who, it seems most of the time has forgotten me. Sure, it's a situation where you can choose to feel sorry for yourself or move on but I'm finding the moving on is taking more time than I thought.

Dear Debbie, I lost my husband last year.....well in February it will be 2 years, to lung cancer and I thought I was doing better. However, this morning I woke up at 6:00 AM and knowing I could sleep longer, tried, but finally got up. For some reason he came into my mind and I knew my old fear was coming back to haunt me. I felt I had killed him. No matter how many people have told me, I just can't shake that feeling. I cried bitterly and asked the Lord to please help me put it to rest once and for all. The day he really started to get sick (feet were swelled up terribly) and he just kept giving himself breathing treatments which didn't seem to be helping. We were having almost blizzard conditions and I had called Hospice but nobody could get out and I truly couldn't remember if I gave him the first drop of morphine that the Hospice lady gave me or not. I called my son and he had 4 wheel drive. He and his wife came over and I know she gave him some morphine which relaxed him a bit but he was still having trouble breathing. To tell you the truth I never touched that morphine again. My daughter-in-law took over because I was too upset. Hospice finally came and they put a catheter in and, long story short, he finally passed 2 days later very peacefully but a lot of that time he still seemed restless like he didn't want to go and the morphine kept him sleeping and breathing (such as it was). The next week I had Velentine's Day and my Birthday and I could hardly stand it. The only reason I got through the rest of the year was my grief therapy classes and one day at a time. THEN CAME CHRISTMAS! Never in my life have I felt so alone. Thank God you have your son because I had nobody at home. My son, who is 50, had his family and I didn't want to dump everything on him but I just felt NOTHING. How I made it through that Christmas had to be a miracle from God because I forced myself to go as few places as possible and paste a smile on but it was so hard. Now here is another Christmas and I'm feeling better and I know you will get through like I did but I absolutely know how you feel because the hurt is still there. It is not as strong but my heart and mind still feel it and right now (although I know the hurt will lessen)I feel Christmas will never be the same. But, you know, time will help both of us and your son will keep you going. You just have to put one foot in front of the other, Debbie. I know that sounds cold but God will help you. Much love to you, Bonnie

Thank you so much for replying......everyone of you. Lainey, my husband passed away on February 8, last year. However, I know I didn't feel this way then. I guess my head was still somewhere "out there" and I was trying to get everything organized and still understand some things that were never explained to me. However, this year I (as I said) am feeling overwhelmed. My mom is 91 and has dementia. She is in a nursing home and I go to see her every week-end. She barely recognizes me now. Two weeks ago I was "rear ended" in my car. He hit me twice!! Three days ago I was pulling into a parking place at the local grocery and I sideswiped the car beside me. Not much damage was done and we got it all taken care of but I went home and just cried and cried. It seems everything is happening at once and Bob isn't here to help me. I didn't tell my son about my accident in the parking lot because he thinks I should be over things by now. I've tried to explain that grief doesn't work that way. We were married for 35 years and memories don't just go away. Sometimes, though, I wonder why I remember those things and can't remember my password a lot of the time. The rest of you who answered me made me feel so much better and I'm so grateful. On my worst days I'm afraid I'm getting like my mother. I have to TRY to get my head together and I think this is just the site for that. God bless all of you.

I was wondering if it was just the holidays coming or if I have something wrong with me. I go to a room then turn around and go to another room in search of an article or have 25 things going on in my mind that I have to do at one time and then end up not doing any of them unless I write them down. This happened very seldom when my husband was alive. Sometimes I just feel overwhelmed with the life I'm living now. Of course there were times I felt like I was on a roller coaster when I was taking care of my husband. He died of lung cancer. I don't think the doctors thought he'd live that long but he lived 1 month short of 2 years. He was an angry patient because I feel he never got past the "anger stage". I was not allowed to call Hospice in until a week before he died, and I know it would have taken some of the pressure off of me. I could go on but I just wish we could have had a good two years together because he (I kid you not) was never sick or nauseous and had really no pain to speak of. It was just the breathing. However, I am 68 and that could account for some of this........hahaha. Anyone else feel like this?

Thanks for the greetings folks. In my case, I first have Valentine's Day, then my birthday on February 15 and then our anniversary on March 2nd. Every year there were 3 cards on the table by the day before Valentine's day. Each one of them had money or gift cards in them. He always wanted me to open them all at once and we playfully argued about that each year. Last year there were no cards and I'm learning to live with the fact that there won't ever be cards again. They said everything he couldn't say so I know he spent a lot of time picking them out. I'm starting to feel overwhelmed and I know I should try to relax. However, it seems everything is happening at once. Things around the house he did never get done unless I hire someone because my son never comes over. I know he has his own family but this hurts me very much. Also is the fact that I have to pay someone to do the chore because I've already tried and failed miserably. Does anyone else have this problem or am I the only one? Don't feel like giving anybody Christmas presents this year (giving money anyway) because even my grandchildren don't come around. I was a "hands on" grandma and took them everywhere. I hope the holidays get over quick. Love to all, blw

Mary, I am new here but I just wanted to let you know you are loved and understood by everyone of us. I lost my husband last year on February 8th. I'm still so lonely and depressed most of the time. I force myself to go out and even walk thru Walmart some days....maybe buy a book or something. Once in awhile I have lunch with a friend but most of them don't have the money to eat out so I go myself. Yes, I used to love Christmas and now it seems like just another day to get thru. I've read many books about grief and been to grief counseling but it's still there...the hurt, loss and everything else that goes along with this hideous thing. God bless you, Mary. Keep looking up. blw321