credu2007

Hey Beth I have to tell you I know exactly how you feel. I lost my mom on May 31,2011 and her birthday is on Monday March 5th. I am hurting so much right now I can't stand it. My mom was my best friend and in my mind ALL I had. I talked to her everyday, I took her every where she had to go, I took care of her every minute she needed me. She had Chroinc Obstructive Pulmonary Diease (COPD)and I knew her diease was coming to an end but I didn't expect her to leave me when and how she did. I was with her when she passed. I thought I was doing ok till lastnight and tonight. Im hurting so much right now I just want it to stop. I am a single mom of three children and I would love to be alone in my grief but it is not an option. The only time alone I have is at night when the kids are in bed asleep. I do believe talking about your loss helps. I do get tired of talking but when i feel the need to talk about it I do. I am hear to listen to you and thank you for listening to me. Crystal

Im hurting so much right now that I feel like I cant breathe. The last seven months have been so hard and Im trying to figure out when things are going to get better. A week ago I had to put my sons kitten (Hercules) to sleep because he had an internal diease and there was nothing the vet or I could do for him. The week before that, I had to put my cat, Otis, to sleep because he was 12 to 13 years old and wasnt able to control his bowel movements any more. Also back in May 2011 I had to put my best friend and companion, Mugsy, to sleep. She was also old and was starting to deteriate. It was sad watching each pet suffer but I knew they would be better off and happy if I just let them go. The topping to this was losing my mom at the end of May. I sit here and hurt so much that at times it feels hard to breathe. I try to keep myself busy so I don't think of the past 7 months but at night I cant avoid it. I am a very happy, careing, considerate, honest, friendly person. Tonight I realized that I am drowning in depression. I am trying so hard to stay afloat. I don't understand why I have to hurt so much. Losing Mugsy wasn't easy but knowing she was old and her health was failing, I knew what had to be done. Than losing my mom.....that hurt the most but I was coping. But with the last two weeks, having to put my cat to sleep and my sons kitten to sleep.....that just went over the top. Im the one with the big heart, the one who always wants to be there for everyone. Friends and family want to help me but I don't know how they can help me. They are being there for me when I need someone to talk to. They are being there for me when I need a shoulder to cry on. They are being there for me when I just need to sit in silence. Time is what I need. It is overwhelming to deal with so many losses but there is nothing more anyone can do. I wish someone could just take the hurt away and make me happy again. All i want right now is to find happiness is something.....

Happy Holidays In so many ways I feel the same as you. Since Christmas and New Years has gotten closer I have felt more of an urge to call my mom. It's so hard......I can talk to her pictures or when I'm alone driving in my car. None of it helps. I just want to call her and talk to her on the phone. I want to hear her voice, I just want to hear her voice with eating I seem to eat anything and everything or nothing at all. I'm find I'm very extreme in opposite ways. it's either all or nothing, no happy medium. I have been checking the posts but finding no time to post for myself even though I need to. I didnt think posting would help but it does. I now have time because my ex took my kids to Iowa to visit his parents. With my kids gone and my mom gone Christmas seems so much harder to tackle. To make things a little harder I put my cat down yesterday. He was 13 years old and his health in so many ways was failing. I couldn't afford to take him to the the vet to be put on her mess so I thought it would be easier on the both us to just put him down. Life just continues to be crappy. I got a divorce, put my dog down, lost my mom, and put my cat down. When are things going to get better. I'm hoping after the holidays things get better. The new year is a new beginning. I hope Im going to my best to enjoy the holidays with my boyfriend and his family. Miss Ngu try to make the most of the holidays and enjoy what you can. Our moms would not want us dragging.

I feel like an orphan without my mom. The closer Christmas comes the harder each day is. I was hysterically crying the other night because I don't want to celebrate Christmas without my mom. She should be here with me and my kids. Its the fist Christmas where I am not married and I am living on my own with my three children. I feel like I am doing it all alone and it hurts so very much. I want my mom to give me advice, I want my mom to help me with Christmas shopping, I want my mom to help decorate the house for the holidays, etc. I think by the time the holdiays are over I will have cried enough tears to fill a swimming pool. Those who have someone close to lean on during the hard times should be thankful. Those who I thought I was close to or maybe I still am close to, feel like they are miles away because I need them they are not there. Im sorry to sound so in the dumps. Besides being sad about the holidays, I am also dealing with a cold which does not help matters. I know we will all get through the holidays. It won't be easy but we CAN do it.

I lost my mom on May 31st. I find talking about it helps me get through the daily challenges, but I still fight to not cry. I know that if I just cry and let it out that it will help. All I can tell you is take one day at a time. Follow your heart and try to relax. When you are ready to share you will know.

You are so not alone. On a daily basis I feel so alone because everyone around me has their moms and I don't. It doesn't seem to bother me so much when older people talk to me about the lost of their mom because that seems normal. But Im only 33 and lost my mom. My mom had just turned 70 in March. She was not exactly young and she had me when she was 37. Majority of people close to my age still have their mom, they do not understand what Im going through. I was very frustrated and angry yesterday because my cousin and my aunt both expected me to basically get over the loss of my mom and move on. They both told to me to not think about it and enjoy the day. What they didn't know was that I wasn't thinking about my mom when I walked into their house, but the minute I said hi to everyone and gave hugs it hit me. I had to go into the bathroom and sit in the corner and bawl my eyes out for about 15 minutes. Everyone their had thier mom with them but me. It hurt so much. I am angry with them because they don't understand how much I hurt. These are the first holidays without my mom, I cant just get over it. I can't just move on. I saw my mom everyday and talked to her off and on ALL day long. I took care of her day in and day out for over a year and a half. She raised me all by herself. Like you I am trying to stay in the moment and not dread the holidays, but there are times the grief just hits me and comes out and I cant stop it. Yor are right, life changing events really do wreak havoc on our normal behaviors and it is such a challenge to fight it a daily basis. Overall I did enjoy my Thanksgiving I just had to get past the frustrations with my family. I hope you had a nice Thanksgiving as well.

Wow you were able to put in words what I feel. I find my throat and chest hurt when I cry and I know its because Im trying to keep it in. I don't understand why Im fighting so hard to keep the pain and emotions from being released.

Miss Ngu, I too am sad that we share the same circumstances, but glad to know that I am not the only one hurting and struggling to get through the first set of holidays with out my mom. Its always been just my mom and I. We moved to Arizona when i was 13 to be with my grandma. Since then my mom, grandma, and I have been a team. My mom was the leader and did an awesome job at providing guidance and support when we needed it. I was honored to be there for her and take care of her each and every day she needed me. I have no regrets either for being there for my mom till the end. My grandma and I will be joining my uncle, aunt, and cousin in Maricopa for Thanksgiving this year. I am hoping my grandma and I can handle dinner with out being emotional but at the same time we might need it. My ex husband is going to take my daughters and spend Thanksgiving with them, but my son wants to be with me. The kids do distract me from the hurt and pain but at the end of the day when they are in bed, I find life very difficult. I catch myself during the day thinking of my mom and missing her but I cant hold back the tears once the house is quiet and I am alone. Im trying really hard to be strong for my kids. I know that they are struggling with the loss of their Nana too. I need to be there for them. It does take alot of pateince and strength. Sometimes I think it would be so much easier if I didn't have to care for them as well. At the same time I am proud of myself for handling everything I've gone through since the beginning of May till now while taking care of my three beautiful children.

Hi Im new to this who discussion forum. Your situation sounds similar to mine. I loss my mom on May 31, 2011 at the age of 70. At the time of the loss I was 32 yrs. old, just divorced (May 5, 2011), and about two weeks before my moms death we had put down a beloved dog. I do have a brother who is about 13 years older than me and lives in a different state. We do not talk often. I feel so alone. I am a single mom with three children. I have friends who are there for me, but it doesn't help. I look around at my family and friends and hurt because they have thier mom and I do not. I knew my mom was sick and not going to live too much longer, but I did not realize I was going to lose her so soon. My mom was a single mom and she did the best she could to raise me. My mom and I were best friends and we were all we had. For the last year and a half I took care of my mom every day wether it was taking her to appointments or running errands. I have never spent a holiday without her and I honestly don't know how I am going to get through it. Im trying to be strong for my kids but it is gettng harder and harder as the holidays get closer and closer. I to am hoping that someone can shed some insight with me to help me get through these tough months. Sorry if there are any errors....its really hard to type when crying.

sadcandy, Im so sorry to hear of your loss. I to lost my mom back on May 31st. Its been almost six months and the closer the holidays come the harder it is for me to get through the days. I am a single mom of three who is trying to make the most out of the holidays for my kids. If it was up to me I would curl up in bed and hibernate till the holidays were over.