Well, I'm new to this.. but I have been facing such immense sorrow and guilt over the death of my dog, Baby. I feel like talking to others who have dealt with the same tragedy might help. Baby was the most loving, caring, and funny little dog I have ever met. She gave unconditional love unlike any dog I have even known. So I guess I will talk about the day she died, 11/13. It was a normal lazy Sunday.. I was cleaning up my room and doing laundry when I found out that Baby had been hit by my neighbors car. My neighbor had been speeding in the neighborhood and Baby and the neighbors dog (the neighbors that hit my Baby) were playing in my yard when they chased each other out onto the street. The neighbor hit Baby but the other dog was okay. So I came down to take her to the vet. She wasn't bleeding, she only looked like she had a hurt paw.. but she was wheezing so I thought she might have a collapsed lung. My 9 year old brother sat in the backseat with Baby while I drove to the vet. She was quiet in the car except for a few yelps and the wheezing. Whenever I reached my hand back to pet her head, she stopped wheezing. When we got to the vet's office, I took Baby out of my brothers arms and had him run to the door so we could rush in. But they were closed (as it was a Sunday). Panicked, I called my mom to have her find me one that was open. She gave me a name to a vet that was supposed to be opened, so I drove another 10-15 minutes to that vet. But when we got there, they were closed too. I realized that we were running out of time because she was looking worse and worse with each passing minute. I decided to try to get to the emergency vet, which was about 20 minutes away, as fast as I could.. but on my way, she started choking. I was crying to my brother to see if he could move her to the side so she could get some air.. but nothing he did was working. She started coughing up blood in the back seat and then she stopped choking. She was very quiet. She died before we made it to the animal hospital. I remember looking back at her in her last few minutes of life and her eyes were wide open, and her mouth was wide open.. and she looked so scared. My brother did his best to comfort her in her last moments of life.. And I told him that he was the special one because he was the last person she saw. And he was so brave and strong despite the fact that I was sobbing in the front seat. He didn't start to cry until she had passed away. Everyone in my family seems to be dealing with her death well, even my 9 year old brother who watched her die in his arms. I always try to tell funny or sweet stories about Baby's life so that my brother won't focus on the traumatic death she experienced. I was slowly starting to feel better also.. trying to remember the sweet memories of my dog. But the other night I had a nightmare about her death.. which brought me right back to where I started. I try to remember that she is in a better place.. I've read about Rainbow Bridge and I'm sure she is there waiting for me, but I can't get her dying face out of my head. Instead of cleaning my room, I should have made sure that she was inside.. not out in the yard with the other neighbor dog who always chased her onto the street (she did have an electric collar, but it mysteriously stopped working that day). Maybe if I would have called the vet myself I would have discovered that it was closed before I went all the way there. She still might not have survived, but they could have done something to ease her pain. I tried so hard to get her to a vet but there was nothing I could do.. and there's nothing I can do about it now. I just miss her so much.
