laureney

Hello, thanks for the reply and the material--it is helpful and brings up some good points I haven't yet heard. I can talk to 2 of my 3 siblings--one has totally cut herself off from all of the family. I feel like I'm chasing them at times though-the 2 siblings I talk to have retreated somewhat from the extended family as well. I have had the attitude that I will talk to and keep up with any family who is willing to have a relationship, but I am cautious with certain family members who don't really actively pursue having a relationship with me. Luckily I do have some great aunts, uncles and cousins.

Hello, I am new here and was looking for a place just to share my story and to read about other people's experience with grief. My parents divorced when I was in the 7th grade, and my dad did not play very much of a part in my life after that. My mother was a very even-tempered person who I could always count on, and who I knew would love me unconditionally. When I went to college, I called her every day, sometimes more than once, just to share even the most mundane things about my day that I knew she would get a kick out of. She had always been in good health. 3 weeks before I graduated with my Bachelor's degree, I was on my way to my part time job at Papa John's, and I got a phone call from my sister saying that my mother had been found passed out on her living room floor, that she was not doing well, and that I should travel up to see her. All that I had previously heard from my mother the day before was that she thought she had the flu. When I arrived at my mother's house, several of my family members were waiting for me, and I could tell by the looks on their faces that she was gone. No one had known exactly what happened-only that she died of sepsis. After the partial autopsy, it was found that she simply had a case of appendicitis that she did not get treated in time. I have struggled a lot the past seven years with this--it was just so sudden and shocking, and I didn't even start truly feeling the depth of the loss until about a month or two after it happened--by then, I was living by myself in a completely different state for grad school with no one around that I knew. I felt like a zombie for my two years of grad school--I generally could not fall asleep until about 6 or 7 in the morning and I felt completely zonked out in my classes. I discovered a new degree of grief and sadness that I never knew could exist. I didn't get any help or counseling-I guess I just didn't know any better. My siblings have basically disowned each other and are very bitter because of a laundry list that they each feel the other has "done" to them--most of the stuff they are angry about happened before I was born or when I was young, as I was born 10-15 years after them. I haven't felt any solidity with any of my immediate family members, and ever since this happened, I've just felt that I have no "safety net." Some of my extended family members keep up with me on a regular basis, but I feel I have no close immediate family relations. I made a bad decision about who to spend my life, which has created another explosion in my life which has rehashed all of the "alone" feelings. It's hard to explain-I feel like I don't have any sturdy ground to stand on. I saw a counselor for my failed relationship about 11 times, but I didn't have a good experience with that. I felt like she was just telling me what I wanted to hear and she didn't attempt to delve into any important issues. I don't know whether to try counseling again or maybe go to a grief group. I am trying not to get to the point where I want to give up trying things to help, but it's getting more and more difficult to believe things will get better. Anyways, thanks for listening, and thanks to all who share their stories.