lance

Happy Birthday Marty I don't post on here much but I've been reading post for over 6 years and this website is the only pill I take. I appreciate all that you do and what this site gives me. Thanks for being you.

Real.. Thanks for the post.

Just have to get this off my chest Friends, musical artists and well meaning no-nothings exhort us to live like each day is our last. Problem is.. our world is predicated on the notion of permanence. We go to school to prepare for a future. We save money for the future. We marry for the future. We have kids for the future. But, sometimes there is no future. And thats where the problem comes in. We live our lives expecting a future for ourselves and those around us,but sometimes things go wrong. So, the well meaning people around us,tell us" See, you cant count on tomorrow,so you have to live each day like it is your last" Which is ridiculous because if we all lived that way it would be chaos mayhem and bankruptcy. I look at the world around me in a totally different way since Kathy died, oh so fast at 51 yrs old. I see a world of condemned prisoners, and noone knows when the hangman will come, or who he will take next. Its just a huge crap shoot and I can never be comfortable again after seeing my beautiful wife, who was very health concious,get eaten up by cancer so fast. I am not going to live each day like it is my last because I dont think my body or bank account would hold up for very long. So, I tell them to save their breath when they feel the urge to lecture me on the fleeting nature of life. It all makes for nice song lyrics, but the truth is,We live for the future, which really isnt ours, but we have to pretend like it is. Thanks for the forum

Happy Birthday Anne. Glad all is safe. Today would have been Kathys 52nd birthday.I married'an older woman', by 31 days. In six days she will have been gone six months.

Nice.Thank you for that.

Mary, Both are beautiful. Thank you. Lance

Till death do us part.pretty haunting words for a wedding day. I never really thought this out.29 yrs.and now what? My dear Kathy was cremated, and I wear a Celtic Cross which contains 1 ounce of her cremains.Makes me feel close. I will spread some in her most memorable spots, and the majority to be mixed with mine and our kids can do whatever they see fit.

I received a ray of sunshine yesterday.Its been four months since Kathy has died.She was cremated and I got a celtic cross urn jewelry that I wear on a chain that holds 1 oz of cremains.Sure makes me feel close. Well I(we)went to the cemetery and polished up my father and grandmothers headstone.Ill take the sunshine anytime I can.

Melina, I am quite the introvert. I dont think any social event would be doable for me.That part of me isnt going to change at this point in my being.I just started planting blueberries, boysenberries and grapes. Mary,I would absolutely display that picture at the exhibit,PROUDLY.

My first Valentine Day in 29 yrs without my Kitten,I hope everyone had as good as a day as they could.Im one sad pup

I hope Your Day was a good day.Thanks for all that you are. Lance

Thanks Mary, I posted this on my office wall. Sums it up

Horrifyingly Real

Susan I am sorry for your loss.I feel your pain. I share all those wants you have.I too lost my other half,Kathy,on oct21, 29 years I was blessed with her presence.I chose to stop the pendulum on the clock, so I wouldnt have to hear the tick or the ringing. One day I wont mind but not today.youre right 'Do the next thing'.Baby steps. lance

I want to thank everyone on this site for your compassion and love that you share.I really do need this.I am so alone yet know I am not the first or last to experience this nightmare. Deepest Regards Lance

I agree its terrifying.I lost my wife Kathy two weeks after being diagnosed with lung cancer. six months to the day that she quit smoking.its been eight weeks since the end of our twenty nine years.We MUST choose Life lance

Becky, Thanks for the love you shared, I dearly needed something to grasp on to at this time.

It is difficult to adjust, because I don't know WHO is adjusting.Im just empty

Alone, I feel the pain as you do. My dear wife,Kathy(51),of 29 years died three weeks prior to your dear Latricia, and it happened so so fast.Diagnosed oct.5 with small cell lung cancer and oct 6 on morphine and a ventilator,she passed on oct 21.I,as you,went ahead with the tree decorations for my grandson.19 months old. We can die, We can exist till we die, or we can live. And you have to choose to LIVE ... Im prayin for you and the kids. Lance

Marty, Thank you for the article, I can use it for direction starting today,if I get out of bed

My kitten was diagnosed with small cell cancer on the morning of oct 7, by afternoon she was on morphine and by night she was on a ventilator.We sat in shock and didnt speak much.That now bothers me. She fought it for 13 days and the Lord took her on oct 21. I am so so scared. I dont know of what, but I amI cant seem to think or work or grocery shop .Heck I cant do much, or dont want to. My girls(adults) want me to decorate,for my grandson. Guess i will but not inside till much later. What to do?