Tippi

I am so sorry for your loss. The Holidays were very hard for me also. It is a lot harder to remember the good times now for me also, when all I can think about is how much I miss my parents. After I lost my dad, I would call my mom on the way to work and back and a few times in the evenings. We truly were best friends and I miss talking to her so much. I hate to admit it, but I also still call their home phone number even though it is disconnected. I hope it starts to get easier soon. Hugs, Tippi

Thank you and I will be thinking about you today. Your words to me have helped a lot. I am so glad I found this group. Tippi

Dear Niamh, Thank you so much for your response. I am sure you did everything you could for your father. I had to smile when you said your dad always thought when it was your time to go, it was your time to go. My dad always felt the same way. The last week my mom was in the hopsital we had the doctors try everything to find out what was wrong with her. She fought every minute. We finally made the decision to let her go. I remember standing around her bed with the doctor. She had been in a lot of pain and was fighting the oxygen. As soon as we told the doctor to put her on pallative care, she took a big sigh and just went to sleep. She never asked for pain medicine or anything again. So we kenw we had made the right decision for her. Even though it was so hard for us. I am so glad that I found this group. Just talking about my losses has helped some. Your words are such a comfort to me. It is so hard for me to see my sisters seeming to go on with their lives and me not. Hugs to you and your mom, Tippi

Hi again Jodi, I hope by now you have decorated your tree. I never took the decorations off the tree I gave to my dad, and every year I carefully pack it away. It has a very special place in my home, and every time I look at it I can remember my dad smiling as he looked at it. At least Christmas will almost be over. I will be thinking and praying for you on Christmas and also December 30th. Hoping you can find a little peace. Hugs to you, Tippi

Jodi, Thank you so much for your response. I am so sorry to hear about your dad. You lost him only a few days after I lost my dad. I loved my dad so much too. This year I had decided not to decorate for Christmas. Then I remembered how much my dad loved Christmas with all the decorations. It was so hard to decorate as I kept remembering when I went a few weeks before I lost him to his home and decorated his bedroom for him. I remember how much he loved all the lights and tree and his smile at looking at them, and how happy they made him those last few weeks of life, so I decorated in his honor. It was very hard but somehow I made it through. We live an hour from their home. We sold their house and sometimes I will drive by their house. I'll sit there crying for awhile and remembering all the good times we had there. Sometimes we will even go to one of their favorite resturants and remember the good times we had eating there. Then I come home and cry because they weren't there eating with us. As you can tell this has been a bad day for me and I can't seem to stop crying. I miss them both so much. Maybe tomorrow will be better.....I wish I was a strong person. Tippi

It's Christmas time and I lost my father to cancer on December 26, 2009. It was so hard loosing him as I was very close to both my parents. To make matters worse, my mother had a minor car accident and lived 2 months after the accident and I lost her on June 1, 2010. Not even 6 months after loosing me dad. The doctors don't understand why she died as the accident was minor. She was in the hospital a few days, then we had to put her in a nursing home for physicial therapy. The nursing home was horrible, so we brought her home in a week, and she stayed with my sister so the PT could go to her home, but she just never even really walked again. As my parents had been married 58 years, we feel she just didn't want to go on without my dad. I have so many regrets especially with my mother. I keep thinking if I would only have spent more time with her after loosing my dad, if I could have got her talked into moving in with us, etc. I promised my dad that I would take care of mom and feel that I failed him too. It isn't getting any better for me either. I still cry daily and all I can think about is all the regrets I have. I try to think about all the wonderful times we had, but mostly all I can think about is all the regrets. I feel I failed them both as a daughter and there is nothing I can do now. I use to talk to my mom several times a day and miss that so much. I just wish it would start to get easier....Holidays are always worse, when I watch a program where someone is doing something with their mother, I cry for hours, so I try not to watch Christmas programs anymore. I can't talk to my sisters to anyone about this as they weren't very close to my parents, but it helps writing it. My mom was truly my best friend and I miss her so much.