PaintedPonyluvr

I am going through a similar thing with my 19 year old.son. His father passed away suddenly in May of 2010. He has a lot of guilt for being gone that night as it was memorial weekend. My 2 younger ones were w him and my middle.child 12, tried cpr w help of 911. I feel guilt as my phone was on silent and my daughter couldn't reach me. He was the best man, and husband and we all miss him. We were divorced but I am still in pits of grief over his loss. My oldest feels bad because he says he could of saved him had he not been gone. This happen around 4;30 am. He wishes he had been grounded or something. Anyway, he refused to get help, and today at 19 he still won't. I tried as you do to talk to him and offer help but he won't. The last thing I wanted to do was push him and make him feel like he was grieving wrong, so j decided I needed to focus in my lil ones and me. So, I am in a grief support group and counselor as are my children. They go to a kids support group. It turns out that both told me that I was doing right by giving him space. They said not everyone needs help grieving or getting through it. Your boyfriend may be dealing w this in his own way. Maybe all he needs is for you to let him know you are always there to talk,.a hug or whatever. I would however get some help for yourself so you can learn ways to cope w this. I know from experience its hard when one or more grieve differently than you. We are all very open and talk about Mark,.his memory etc. We celebrate his birthday by letting off balloons, eating foods he liked and watching his favorite movies. We celebrate his life not death. On his death anniversary we just light a candle.on his memorial wall. My oldest doesn't really participate in this usually goes out or in his room. He knows we are here thkugh. And he seems to be doo.g well considering. So. I think you should just let him know you're there for him and of course you don't know his pain, but he has your love and support. Maybe when he sees you getting support and help he will too good luck, my thoughts are with you all. Theresa

I'm so sorry for the loss of your wife. I lost my grandma to leukemia on February 4, 2008. She didn't tell anyone how serious her condition was and my brother found out when he went to a Dr appt. w her. At that time it was mylodysplasia? I think that's what he called it. Anyway,.when I found out I flew out to visit and do what I could. She was realistically my mother as my own mother wasn't around. We were very close. Anyway, shortly after.arriving my changed to leukemia. We brought her home and I cared for her until she passed. No one should have to watch their loved one go like that. It was awful, and for her sake I'm glad she's not.suffering anymore. She was always taking care of and doing for others. She hated being so weak she couldn't move. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. We all will be together again though and that is comforting though, don't you think? Theresa

Thank you so much for those links. I am going to go and look them over. I also just bought the book "I Wasn't Ready To Say Goodbye" so far it is a really good book. I had lost my grandmother in 08 after a brief struggle w leukemia. I cared for her w support from Hospice. My grief over her loss is so different than the loss of Mark. I am coping alright w her loss., she was sick, hurting and wanted to go. She had a wonderful life, was 90 and married to her love for over 70 years...w Mark not so much. I'm very angry, confused and guilty...This book focuses on everything I'm feeling. Maybe I can get my so. To read it...although doubtful

Hi there. I'm new here just joined last night. I am so sorry for all you are going through. I lost my grandmother to leukemia in February 2008, and I was her caregiver. I had flown out to take care of her after a blood transfusion, and that was when I learned everything. She had mylidysplasia. While I wad there it changed to leukemia. She hadn't told anyone. We ended up putting her on hospice and I cared for her til she passed. Then I lost my former husband and friend to a sudden heart attack, then my grandpa right after. So I am no stranger to feeling like the world won't stop dumping on you. Wondering if it will get better. When my grandma was dying I made sure to not hold back...I cried when I needed to, took a moment when I needed to. It made me a better caregiver. Hospice was a great place for me then I talked to a counselor before and after she passed. I am now in a parent grief group at Hospice and my kids are in the kids grief group. They have been since we lost their dad. I am actually struggling more w his death as he was so young. My grandma was 90 and repeadedly said she was tired and wanted to go. Somehow it makes it easier. Mark was a 39 year old daddy and still wanted to be here. I miss him so much I hurt daily. Anyway, I'm here if you want to talk. I have been in your shoes and I know they're not fun shoes to be in. Theresa

I'm new here...I lost my former husband and father to my 3 children very suddenly to coronary artery disease in May of 2010. We remained a dear friend to me, and we were just starting to get past the awkwardness. We had just compromised on a legal issue w our children. I had just talked to him on the phone telling him how sorry I was that I wasn't the wife he deserved, and how much I still loved him and always would. Just a short 2 weeks later he is gone...forever. It was early May 31 my daughter tried calling me and my phone was on silent. My 2 youngest were spending the memorial day weekend w him. I woke to my boyfriend telling me there is an officer at the door and needs to talk to you. I called my daughter while changing. She is hysterical and crying saying she couldn't wake her daddy. I told her I was on my way. I was frantic on the way asking questions and he told me I needed to be calm for my children for what they were about to go through. Right then my world ended, as I started screaming. Whos gonna be strong for me? I will never forget having to tell my 9 and 12 and 17 year old their daddy was gone. My oldest wasn't even there he had spent the night at a friend house. It was only 4;30 in the morning...how would I tell him? Anyway, I still after a year and a half can't get out of bed, stop thinking about how I will never see him again. I am a wreck. I just started back in therapy and hoping it gets easier. Does anyone else go through this. I seemed to be doing better for a few months and now I am in the pits of grief again will this ever end...I just want him back so bad, and wish it had been me. He was such a good daddy and stronger than me...

Gone, not find. And also, I'm here if you need to talk as well. You are just so young to have lost someone...heck, so am I and I am almost 39... Just so unfair.....

Wow, I am so sorry for your loss. It does leave a hole when you lose someone you love. Mark and I used to share funny texts and photos of the kids and he was a very good friend to me. It's funny the things you realize after someone.is find forever. After he passed I realized how much loved him, and wished I had worked on our marriage more. I was the one that wanted out and he wanted to try counseling. I didn't believe in counseling. The things I've learned since he's been gone are amazing...counseling does work...wish I had listened to him, as love wasn't the issue. I will never forget during our split he asked me if I still loved him. I told him I did, and always would. His response was then why can't we try. J just didn't believe in counseling, and was struggling w my grandmothers passing and very depressed. Little did I know I would lose him just 2 years later and it would be too clear, and too late

Thank you. Hospice has always been great to me and my family. I cared for my grandmother, whobwas more my mother really. My mother wasn't around. Anyway, she was on at home hospice care and I was her caregiver. They were always there if I had any questions. Anyway, my oldest refuses help. Once in a while he will talk to me about his dad but not often. One time he opened up enough for me to know he feels guilty and holds a lot of sadness. Just about 8 months before his passing I was having a hard time w him and told him he had to go live w his dad. Anyway, while we were cleaning out his place we were alone and he said "I wish dad had grounded me that weekend" I asked why and he said "then I would of been home and couldbof saved him. People that were certified in cpr told us and my daughter she was too small to do cpr properly. She couldn't get him off the bed and couldn't put enough pressure during compressions. So he feels had he been there he could.of done something. My daughter held a lot of guilt and always said it was her fault he died cause she couldn't do cpr right. So people were trying to make her feel better. She now is doing well and is starting to realize it wasn't her fault. My youngest thkugh won't let go. He feels horrible and guilty that he just cried and didn't get his sister or call 911. But he was only 9, nothin.g I say helps though. My oldest tells me "I won't do counseling cause it won't bring my dad back...there's no point" I mention it once in while but he just won't go . Sorry so long...

Hi everyone, my name is Theresa and I lost my former husband and father to my 3 children in May of 2010, suddenly. He was such a great man, and I loved him so much. He was 39 when he passed suddenly in his sleep with our 9 year old next to him. He woke to him snoring funny,.and began to cry. My 12 year old daughter came in to see what was wrong and saw he was purple. She immediately tried to wake him then called me...but my phone was on silent. She then called 911 and e their help attempted cpr. A few minutes later an officer came to my door. I woke saw my daughter was calling and called her. She was hysterical saying she couldn't wake daddy. I went downstairs to greet the officer that was let in already. On the way he informed me he didn't make it. I completely lost it and bit my lip trying to wake myself. When the results came back as coronary artery disease we were all stunned. Anyway, I am in therapy and a grief group at my local hospice, as well as my children. This has been so difficult for us and I am finding I need more support. I have found my bed is my best friend. I hardly leave my room. I miss him so much I actually physically hurt. I can't imagine my life without him in it. Even thkugh we were divorced I loved him w all my heart and he was always there for me. I am struggling to move on...my kids are doing better. Although I can't seem to get our now 19 year old to get help. He was 17 and at a friends house that night. So he has guilt he wasn't there to try and save him. Ok, I have tons more to say and could go on, but I'll stop for now. Hoping this gets better, he would want me to move on and would hate what I've turned into...I just can't seem to though...