Hi everyone,
Just over a month ago I lost my close friend; my roommate. I am a 23 year old female, and I have never had to deal with death before.
I imagine that losing anyone close to you would be difficult. The extremely sudden absence of someone that once occupied a great deal of your life is jarring. The way I lost her, however, is extremely devastating to me.
Let me preface this by saying that both her and I are university graduates, from good families, and are overall intelligent human beings.
Unfortunately, none of that stopped us from experimenting with MDMA last month.
Neither of us were experienced with drugs, we didn't even smoke pot really.
But we each took one pill of MDMA, I handed hers to her, and she died the next morning. I was fine.
She was one of my closest friends. I could tell her absolutely anything without a shred of judgment. She was brilliantly funny, always cracking jokes, and making people laugh. The loss I feel is not only great, but also accompanied by guilt.
The pill I handed her killed her. It was hers, not mine, that was wrong.
I wasn't allowed at her funeral; her dad called and told me I wasn't allowed to go.
My best friend was put in the ground and I couldn't be there.
I miss her so much, but feel as though I don't have the right to mourn her.
I just feel like I'm not supposed to grieve because of what I did.
