Aneres1

I wanted to thank you for your responses. Since writing, a mysterious weight has lifted somewhat, as I was never able to really be vocal on the subject without bawling. When I was in my twenties a friend of mine lost his father very violently and I didn't know how to interact with him after. So instead, I removed myself, because I didn't know how to deal him and I was a little scared. I've been very fortunate up until now, not having a major loss in my family or anyone close till my thirties. A sense of embarrassment has resurfaced, call it being naive and stupid and living a too sheltered life. Sometimes I think now words can help, but sometimes words do help a little. Today I’m too familiar with death. I’m going to get the material recommended. Never knew they actually had a word for our kind of loss, talk about an education - Ambiguous Loss. I suspect the not knowing will be over our heads, lurking like a bad dream forever. I’m truly sorry about all our losses, this circle of life, is indeed some ride. When you can’t turn to your family, and you have forums such as these, it helps. Thank you again.

Hi guys, I'm so grateful to have found this site, because I honestly think I'm going a little mad. My brother on Oct. 23, 2010 went out for lunch, taking a break from moving and never returned. Boxes were not opened and he never slept in the bed , took a break to get lunch. His car was never recovered, which makes things more complicated. From all indications the police have a suspect/s but according them without a confession or a witness, there is absolutely nothing they can do. I believe the dectective who says if they opportunity arises to catch those responsible they will but, how likely will that ever be? My brother was 33 years old and single with a promising business career in printing. http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/news/Two-men-reported-missing Crime and corruption in Jamaica is bad, but where isn't? Everyday someone goes missing, young and old and you never hear of them being found dead or alive. The police told me that his body may not be on earth as it would have been found, which they translated to mean they disposed of him out at sea. Until it happens to you, you never know how you would feel. No one tells you that the emotions hit you at once, all balled up into one...I'm primarily angry all the time. Just thinking of him breaks me into tears as we were close. I live in Canada now, and going to Jamaica to clean out this apartment was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my entire life. Looking through his life in cardboard boxes, is so tragedic. Our mother, who lives with me now, I can't help because I don't know how to, if I can't even help myself. We lost my father the year before to lung cancer. We hardly talk about him because I can't, I start crying and can't get two words out. It's been a year, and I need help letting the emotions go or just be able to stop crying in the middle of the day. I don't think my friends understand really, because until it actually happens to you, its not something you can relate to when you've lost someone in this matter. Now the tears are flowing but at least I don't have to talk. I've accepted that he's gone, I resent the fact that more can't be done to bring his killer/s to justice. However, since it is out of my control, I have to let it go, I just need that help. I pray and pray but it is still hard. I'm grateful for any suggestions here. Some help is better than no help.