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sueblueuk

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Everything posted by sueblueuk

  1. Hello I am no expert at this new life, I lost my soulmate 14 weeks ago. He was alot older than me but I too thought we would have more years together. I do not like living alone either, not having him here on the settee to snuggle up to. Especially as the weather is so cold here. Just keep doing the next thing, dont plan ahead and let the tears come. I lay in bed last night crying over what seem to me to be insurmountable problems. Some days you just cant seem to cope with it all. Keep coming on this site and let it all out, I use it alot. We are all here supporting each other - try to live in seconds, minutes and hours - it really is tough. love, Sue
  2. I used to be a big fan of a group called Bread back in the day. They sang a song called Aubrey. There is a line in it that sums up how I feel about losing my soulmate: i have learned to live a life apart from all the rest If I cant have the one I want I'll do without the best. Its early days for me but I know there will never be anyone to compare to him. I am going through the motions - as someone advised me - just keep doing the next thing. It is so hard and I am so grateful for this site and the people who contribute to it. I look at it morning and evening. Sue
  3. Found this week a tough one, it was three months since I lost my other half. The days are gettting lighter but I find myself thinking of all the things I am missing about him. I would like to: Just have another chat to you Just have you hug me Just be able to walk down the road with you holding my arem Just do up your shoes for you because you couldnt reach down Just rub your knees with cream when they felt stiff Just make you a cup of tea first thing Just sit with you and watch the sport Just discuss anything that is worrying me with you Instead, all I can do is cry, miss you with every breath I take and hope and pray it gets easier . Susan
  4. I have started to forget things. I lost something in the house and couldnt find it anywhere. Eventually my brain cleared and I had a thought where I had put it and sure enough it was there. I forget what I have gone into a room for, forget what I want in the shops. My mind is just full of grief and worry about things I really dont need to worry about. I worry that I will run short of money as I retired early to spend time with my other half . Now I have no salary but I do have a reasonable pension. I cant seem to get anything into perspective - I can relate to so many of the posts on this site. I am getting involved in voluntary work so I am not on my own so much. I tell them not to give me anything too taxing to do as I am likely to get it wrong at the moment. It is so hard with no-one to refer to who had been at your side for 36 years. Always there, always supportive, he used to say to me 'What would I do without you' now I am finding out what I have to do without him. Somebody told me 'Just keep doing the next thing' and that is what I am striving to do. Not always successfully. Susan
  5. Thank you all for your kind messages. My other half only died at the end of October so things are very raw. Somebody asked me today what I did for fun - I cant think of a single thing. When he was alive he was my 'fun' , although he was older than me we had the same sense of humour and looking after him was also 'fun'. He seemed to make light of any situation no matter how hard it got. We laughed at the same things - it was uncanny. I feel so bereft , the evenings drag on and on . I have been getting very forgetful and keep losing things but I read a piece of advice that said 'Just do the next thing' . I have been trying to do several things at once which has proved very unsuccessful. I so wish I could talk to him again, I had an idea I would be able to communicate with him on some level - we never used to shut up when we were together. Instead just the ticking of the clock and a quiet house. At least I know I am not on my own and I am thinking of you all out there. Susan
  6. Hello, I am just in the first steps of 'the journey'. My partner was alot older than me and always warned me I could left on my own. I took early retirement to spend more time with him and four months later lost him after a short illness. We had no children - none of my family are local. He didnt want to see anyone but me when he was ill - his twin sister wanted to come but he didnt want her upset. Talk about life being turned on its head. The emptiness of the house , the lack of someone to talk to and to hug. Unbearable doesnt begin to describe it. I go to a grief counsellor who has been very helpful. I cant contemplate the thought of the empty years ahead - I do try and take each day at a time but it is so hard. I find these websites so much comfort, you begin to think you are going mad until you read the experiences of others. I am thinking of you all out there struggling with loss and grief. Susan
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