Thank you to all for replying. Everything said was helpful and comforting, but there were several things that really hit home... first was "this isn't the movies." I hadn't thought about where I was getting the belief that I should have a huge emotional breakdown from, but I'm sure you're right and that's part of it. Movies always depict crying as moment of healing release, but who's to say that's right for me?
In the links you gave me, Marty, it talked about instrumental mourners. Having a name put to how I am reacting is oddly comforting. I know it changes nothing, but it's nice to know that it's so common, it has a name. All the reading I did online did not turn that up, so I really appreciate it.
I have spoken over the phone with a member of a Hospice support group, but with everything going on I have not been able to connect with them. I also feel hesitant to meet in a group setting. My mother joined a group and has been telling me about it. It is very emotional and draining, which is good for her, but not what would make me comfortable enough to open up. I find that the more emotional people around me become, the more emotionless I become. My husband is very emotional, (I married someone just like my mom!), and the more stressed and upset, or sad he gets, the more I detach. The same with my mother and brother. So I don't know if a group therapy session will help...?
Thank you for saying there is no "should." Intellectually I know that, but when I see everyone around me breaking down, it's hard sometimes not to wonder what's wrong with me for not.
PS, even reading this back to myself, I'm being all clinical!