Background - my father passed away last July. My mother and he had a terrible marriage and only stayed together for the "kids", then couldn't afford to live apart.
He passed away after a brief illness, but had made my mothers life very difficult. For the last 20 years, they just cohabited together with seperate lives - different bedrooms and even different tv rooms.
I did not have a good relationship with him (not did my brother) - he was mean, selfish and just not a very nice person to us or anyone else. Nonetheless, I did and still do grieve for him.
I also did grieve for the father I never had, but I did forgive him before he passed away and was present when he died.
My mother who is 73 is struggling - she grieved for him and then seeemed to be coming out the other side, however her personality has changed - she has these huge temper flares, is very angry at everything and bitter (in a way, I feel it's almost like she's become him) - she was never like this. If she sees someone getting something - anything, a new car or going away on vacation - she is bitter/angry about it and resentful. (She's not poor, but does have to be careful with her money - and I help her out every month and try to slip her some $$ when I can)
She drinks and takes anti-depressants - that was out of control, but she seems to be functioning and not drinking too much (and yes, I know she shouldn't be doing both - but she's my mother and not a child, I can't control that plus she lives thousands of miles away)
All she does is fight with me or my brother and when I try to come to his defense on something, she then fights with me and it's all "nobody loves me" and "what did I do to deserve this" "noone does anything for me" - when we do do a lot.
It's all negative to her -she sees no positive in anyone and I feel she enjoys being a widow and the sympathy? I hope no-one thinks this is a terrible thing, but I just don't know what to do.
It feels like everything is about her - I have tried and tried to talk to her, to tell her to enjoy life and what is left, that she is lucky, she has her health, her house and 2 children who love her dearly. The person that I described is not the mother I used to have, and I don't know how to help her. She has changed so so much - right now, she is not speaking to either of us.
I asked her to get help about a month or two ago - someone to talk to about this, she said it was all nonsense, since then she's had 2 knockdown screaming fights with us, saying extremely hurtful things (that are hard to forgive)
Is this normal? Will my mother return to herself, how do I approach this with her, she truly believes she is the victim in all this. I love her to pieces and I don't know what to do - she's turned into a stranger
Pls help - someone?
N,