STOO

Steve and Family, I'm very sorry for the loss of your beautiful Montoya. I know how special she was, and how loved, by the things you have shared with us. I would like to visit her memorial website; plese share it with us when you get it up. ~STOO~

Steve, I'm so sorry to hear about Montoya; it will be a difficult time for you and your family. Your idea to take her to a special place is wonderful. I will be praying for all of you. Come back here as often as you need - we are here to share your grief and help in whatever ways we can. I have found the people here to be very caring and understanding, i'm sure you will too ~STOO~

Steve, I just wanted to check in to see how things were going after the vet visit. Your pup is very lucky to hva such a caring and concerned master - sheknows you are doing the best for her. ~Stoo~

Steve, I'm so sorry to hear about your sweet pet. I think you are right - she probably doesn't understand what's going on medically. But I'm sure she *does* understand how much she is loved and knows that you are doing the best for her. I fervently hope that the vet can find out what the problem is and treat it. Keep coming back here and let us know how you are both doing. ~STOO~

Mitsy'sMom, YOur posting brought tears to my eyes - I can feel how much you love your special kitty -- and so much love surely was felt by Mitsycat as well. I believe it is always difficult to decide when to help a beloved pet end their pain, and I know you hurt terribly just making the decision. You made the only decision you could, to put an end to your pet's pain - and that took an incredible amount of love. Your grief journey will not be an easy one - but you have found a place where you will always find someone to listen to and to talk with. I hope we can help you; we all here know the pain of losing a special love. ~STOO~

Annie, I'm so sorry that you have lost both of your parents. Inaddition to dealing with your grief over those losses, Keeping their "secrets" from people in your small town must be very difficult for you. I'm happy for you that you felt able to share with your new family here. I think you will find the people here on this board are extremely nonjudgemental. All we want is to help eachother through. We will be here to listen and respond. While I'm not in your situation, I DO understand about small towns, gossip and personal privacy. And you DO have a right to your privacy - you have no reason to share personal information about your parents' illness with anyone. I support your decision to keep your parents' information private - it is your right to protect their memories, yourself, and your children from gossip. Take care. ~STOO~

The words are beautiful -- but Josh Groban's incredible voice and delivery need to be experienced. Here is a site where you can listen. You will need a hankie - I have been crying buckets and missing my Love http://www.poofcat.com/whereur.html STOO

I know it is very painful for you. One week is not much time at all - you had all those years of wonderful times and love shared with Babe -- certainly you are not going to recover from her loss in just a week. Give yourself time and allow yourself your grief. I can tell how much you loved Babe -- she surely felt it too. I'm glad that you have some people at work that recognize your loss and offered you condolences - I think that grief needs to be recognized and acknowleged. Keep coming here and talking with us. We really do understand and feel your grief with you. ~Stoo~

I'm sorry to hear about your Babe. Thank you for putting in her picture - she is a very beautiful girl and looks so happy; she was certainly lucky to be loved so much. I know you are hurting and hope that your pain diminishes soon, and that you will be remembering the joys you shared with her. ~Stoo~

I'm very sorry to hear about your Dad; I know its a difficult time for your entire family. I do hope that you will be able to visit frequently. Is your dad able to talk on the phone, for those times when you are unable to be there in person? Any time you want or need to share - come here. We will always listen and support you. ~STOO~

I'm so sorry about the loss of your wife and custody of your stepson, and your feelings of betrayal. What a terrible, horrid time this is for you. It is so much more than one person should have to bear. We all, here, understand grief and pain. Please come here and post anytime. I have found that no matter how much it hurts to write about my pain - somehow it also feels better to allow my self to share it. hope it will hep you to know that there are others here who understand the pain such great losses. ~STOO~

Ann, I'm sorry for your losses; I know both have been difficult. It sounds like your father's death has brought back all of the suffering you went through with your ex's death --- and caused you to be angry as well. I know from my own past that experiencing grief is even more difficult when that grief is not acknowleged. Unfortunately, most people think that if you aren't supposed to love someone (like an ex --- because they think that if you are divorced surely you must not love anymore) then you shouldn't feel grief at their death. People don't seem to realize that just because society says you aren't supposed to love someone, doesn't mean tht you don't love them. But when you are in grief, and no one recognizes that or acknowleges it --- well it hurts very much. And to be in the back at a funeral - unacknowledged, while others are getting an outpouring of support and symathy, no one recognizing your loss and pain - its just not fair and hurts even more. I guess the only thing I can say is try to realize that the lack of sympathy when you lost your ex was due to both ignorance and fear (most people are afraid of saying the wrong thing to someone in grief -- so its much easier to convince themselves that a friend or acquaintance is not feeling grief and therefore does not need support. ) Try to forgive them, and allow yourself all the time you need on your grief journey - and YOU are the only one who can determine how much time you need. I think most of us here on this board are struggling with Christmas. Some are putting on a happy face and trying for the sake ofchildren, some are doing the minimum to get by to still celebrate, and others are doing their best to not be a part of the holiday at all. We all do what we need to do and there is no right or wrong. I hope thqt your "low key" Christmas helps you to find some solace and peace this holiday season. ~STOO~ [

Derek, From reading your posts these past months I know that you are a very good father. Yes, it is unfair that Carson does not have a mother BUT he has a wonderful father. Just continue to love him as you always have. Right now he is your lifeline; I'm happy for you that you do have your beautiful son. I know it sucks and it is not fair. Everyone here knows how unfair life can be, and we all suffer in our grief. Try putting up a tree, and carrying out any special family traditions. I think that they might bring you some comfort. I will pray for you and for Carson, that you will share some happiness this season. ~SToo~

William, Thank you for responding to my post; I appreciated someone taking the time to "talk" to me. For the last few days it's been very difficult for me to find energy to do anything - even post here on the board. In my life, I'm trying to not bring others down. I know that Christmas is special and exciting for people --- just this year I cannot enjoy anything about it. and I have tried... If I attempt to bake cookies, I think about what a little boy at heart my precious one was, and how he would wait around for warm cookeis. The snow is another sorrow - we loved walks in the snow - making angels, and snowpeople and keeping eachther warm. A trip out to purchase gifts brought fresh grief, because the greatest gift of my life was sharing it with my special love... and I can't do that anymore. The decorations bring me no cheer. I'm so very sad and alone and I can't seem to bring myself up ~STOO~

Sonia, Welcome to the site. You have come to the right place. Here you will find many others who have experienced the same types of things that you ate now going through. Perhaps you will even find some hope for recovery here. Certainly you will find support and willing listeners. Many of here are particularly sorrowed during the Holidays - we understand how you feel about that. I hope that you will find comfort with us.

Jenn, It is a big step - removing your rings. I hope that, for you, it means that you are healing and dealing with your loss. IT felt right to you, so it was right.

Jenn, I'm sorry that you are grieving so deeply. All of the "firsts" without our loved ones are very difficult. I understand how you feel, I think. I feel empty and alone - and don't feel like there will be any Joy without my love for the holiday. I guess the best we can do is to try to remember the happiness of past times with our loved ones, and to try not to ruin the holiday for everyone else.

I just passed the five month mark. I do not feel at all better - in many ways I feel worse than ever. I miss my love so much. And today is the worst of all; today is his birthday and I cannot celebrate with him. We had so many ways of connecting and sharing our love- and birthdays were always incredibly sweet, full of tender surprises and loving sharing. This year the closest I could come to him was taking flowers to his grave. Somehow it was not comforting at all - being there in a foot of snow, and knowing the lovely flowers will be withered in only hours. Maybe that's appropriate though - because thats how I feel. Having him in my life was beautiful, colorful and vibrant - and now, like the bouquet, I'm just fading away. Christmas is just around the corner -- I want no part of it. I cannot feel happiness amymore.

I'm so very sorry to hear of the loss of your husband; we all here know how it feels to lose someone you love deeply. Your loss is so new - I'm surprised that people expect you to be "over it" by now. As you know from your training, and you are learning now through experience - grief is very personal, and no two people experience it, or cope, in the same way and time. It's unfortunate, but even in our grief we have to try to understand that people who haven't expereinced such a painful loss cannot comprehend what we are going through. They do not mean to be insensitive, they just, plain and simple, do not know, and are trying to help. Many of us have found some solace in this forum -- whenever you post someone is always here to respond. Feel free to share with us whenever you need or want - we all want to help. ~Stoo~

Kelly, I don't know what to say except that I am so very sorry for the pain you are feeling right now. Its OK to be angry when you have reasons for feeling that way. I know that you love Josh, despite the feelings of anger right now. I hope that your friends will continue to listen, and we here on this forum, though we don't all share a similar experience, are here to listen and support you. ~Stoo~

Chrissy, Thank you so much for sharing the pictures. What a gorgeous little guy! ~STOO~

Linda, There is nothing stupid, or even unusual about the grief you are feeling. Perhaps the anniversary, 2 years this month, of his death is bringing it all back. That is perfectly normal, and you are most certainly not alone in experiencing that. I hope that you will continue to come here - you will not find a group of more loving and suppoportive people. And the more posts you read, the more you will learn about grief - and that there is no right or wrong way to grieve, and no set timetable for "recovery". I share your sorrow with you, and hope you will find some solace with your family here. ~Stoo~

Everyone, Thank you for your advice and comforting words. I did consider and take your advice... I went through some of the stuff before posting and sorted out unnecessary items and the personal things that I found. I am keeping all of the items that I pulled out, including the "unnecessary" items. The new leader is a wonderful and understanding man -- I will ask him to finish the sorting and return anything personal to me. I think I am Ok with him discarding any duplicate or unnecessary documents he finds. I think part of the grief of this chore is attempting to acknowlege that his group will go on without his leadership. I scream to myself - it's HIS group and how dare anyone assume they can take his place? I know it has to continue- the organization nurtures and sustains youth, instilling values and morals in them while helping them to grow. I know it's important for the work to continue - and it has and will. It just saddens me to think that one of the passions of his life *can* go on without him. ANd its so confusing to me to feel this way - because I want his work to continue - I myself am still active in the organization - it just hurts me that he is not here anymore to do it himself. I miss him so much - I hurt so much and I want to be working by his side again. ~Stoo~

It was four months ago this morning that my beloved passed. It still seems like a terrible, awful dream... I'm still waiting to wake up from this nightmare. I can't feel any lessening of my grief and sorrow. To make things even worse for me today, I have spent the morning going through papers that he had saved. He was a leader in a local civic group, and the new leader has just been named, and is in need of the paperwork, and I have put off going through the documents and discarding the ones that are no longer needed. I just don't want to remove anything with his name on it. Seeing his handwriting is so painful - touching things he touched, reading things he worked so lovingly to prepare. Also mixed in with the papers are some personal things - letters of thanks, awards, things like that. I have had to stop for a while - I can't see through the tears or concentrate through all the pain. I know much of what I was sorting is either duplicated or outdated, still it is so very difficult to throw away anything with any connection to him. How have others of you dealt with things like this.

Chrissy, I think I know how you feel. Me - I hope to wake up and find this is all a dream -- a very long, very detailed, and very bad dream. I don't think that people who have not suffered the loss of someone they loved so dearly can appreciate the depths of our grief and sorrow. Don't let anyone tell you that it is time to "get over" it. Grief takes different paths, and everyone copes in thier own way. One does not recover from a loss such as yours quickly. Perhaps we don't "recover" - just learn to live our lives with our loss. And we will each have to learn our own way back into "life"; each of in our own time and our own way. It sounds like your day started very sadly - I'm glad you shared with us, because we all understand and we all care. ~STOO~