bluebells

Hello Kay It's been a tough week, so I haven't been able to answer sooner, sorry. I've told my husband what I need from him many times, it doesn't seem to be sinking in, but I will keep trying!I am pining for my cats though, I keep hearing Rupert's meow - it was a very serious,demanding meow, because Rupert was a serious cat! Even as a kitten, he decided life was very serious. And I miss my little Patches rushing around, doing his best to trip me up as I walked. Oh boy, he was going to be a big beautiful cat, he had great bones (does that sound funny?) - strong bones, and had a super-gorgeous face, with big eyes that looked like they had eyeliner around them. I have made peace a little now, but it's just the missing. You know what I'm talking about. And only time can heal that, I realise. Thanks for being here. And for the hugs (hugs are very important you know!)

Yes Kay, I think that the big thing here is "acceptance". I've noticed that this is something I'm not very good at! I'm already 42, but I hope I can learn to accept things that happen a little more as I get older. You see, we always have loads of pets at any given time. Up until 2 months ago, we lived in a suburban area. We lost many pets there through cars. As I have sat and thought about it, it has always been me who has had to deal with it, alone, because my husband had a strange upbringing and is not able to show emotions or give any support. I've made many emergency trips to vets with hurt, suffering pets, spent the days after visiting my hurt pet at the vets rooms (if they've survived), cried in bed at night, walked the streets for days looking for missing pets, retrieved dead pets from where they were found, taken so so many pets to vet when euthanasia had to be carried out due to old age or ill health. I've done all of these things alone, and when I've come home from the vet without my pet, I've had to handle that alone too. There had never been a hug from my husband or emotional support. He's not a bad man, he just had a bad upbringing and doesn't know any better. So, I think this is why each pet trauma I have is hurting so bad, like a piece of my heart breaks off each time I lose another. The thing is, I don't want to not have any more pets, thus avoiding any more heartache. There are too many pets in the world and the more I can care for, the better. Our Animal Shelters here try very hard, but they are not like 1st world Animal Shelters. They have really limited resources, very few vehicles, no government financial assistance, and rely solely on donations. I'm sorry I'm rambling on. It just keeps coming out as I'm typing this letter to you. Thank you for listening x

Hello K Thanks for your kind and wise words. I think that is what my problem is - I want to protect my cats from everything. I always tell them it's a bad world out there! I can't believe my Rupert won't be lying at my feet anymore when I paint, and little Patches won't be with my on the bed when I wake up. I am sorry that you lost Chappy that way, when I read that, I thought you may understand how I feel. I'll keep visiting here, because it is very comforting to know I'm not alone. Thanks again for taking the time to help. Suzy

Last Sunday was Mothers Day here in South Africa. When I awoke early Sunday morning, I noticed my 7 month old kitten Patches had not come in to greet me as he always did first thing in the morning. Most nights he slept next to me at least for part of the night too. I was worried about this. Also, my beautiful lilac Burmese, called Rupert, was not around. So I got dressed and went outside to call. Normally Patches would come roaring up to me all lovey and purring. Nothing. I walked to the areas around our home where Rupert liked to hang out and called. Nothing. This went on up until lunchtime, all the time I was feeling sicker and sicker. You see, Patches was one of a litter that we rescued. We managed to find a home for one kitty, but couldn't for the other three, so we kept them and I adore them all. They were like the 3 musketeers, always playing together outside of our house and in the bushy area across the road from our house. On Saturday, I was sitting there with all of them, and the kittens were playing and happy, and Rupert was lying on his back asking for a chin-rub. I commented to my Mom that I was so pleased to see them so happy in our new home. So, Sunday lunchtime, I noticed blood in the road, with white and beige fur. My heart dropped. I went deeper into the bushes and saw my little Patches lying dead. A few metres away was Rupert, dead too. Except he had been eaten away by something, and was surrounded by his beautiful beige fur. I am completely traumatised by this. I can't sleep, I can barely take care of my home, to be honest, I would like to curl up and die, the heartache is so bad. We live in an area where wild animals have been seen. When we moved here two months ago, the locals told us not to worry about wild animals, they didn't come this far onto the estate. Obviously they do, and I suspect it was Lynx. I can't bear it, Patches was a mama's boy, it's like there is a huge empty space in our home now. I feel so guilty that I didn't bring them all in every night, I feel that I have contributed towards what must have been an awful death for them. I don't even want to mix with people, talk, or do anything. I want to scream because the hurt and the missing is so bad. A year ago my Dad died a painful death from cancer, recently my Mom had to give up our family home, and now this. It's like I barely recover from one terrible thing, and then another hits me.