zeeks

As someone that's been there and did the moving it was usually from residence to Residence in the same state. But in my opinion you should stay where you're grounded at least until you know if it's the shock phase that wants to get up and run, or the rational side that wants to get up and start again, until you know that stay where you're secure and safe and grounded, pain is going to go with you wherever you go but safety is forever.

God be with you!!!! I hurt for you and your family, like only one that has been there can do. Little solace I know...but all the same am praying for you all

My soulmate my life passed in May of 2006. I don't know if it ever gets better because it's been 12 years and that sounds depressing but I'm still breathing 12 years later the only thing I can say is the children get you through it in my situation my son or my stepson my husband's biological son at that point in time in 06 now had lost both biological parents I raised his two daughters and the only thing that got me through was trying to keep my son who has a barrage of mental illnesses on the straight and narrow because he is also a recovering addict and raising both of the girls in in as normal a home as I could give them there are times I feel like I failed miserably and there are times I see little glimmers of light like the oldest granddaughter has my husband sense of rationale and calmness and doesn't get overly upset and then when she does it's more like me who seems to lose it but 12 years later I still don't know everything does hurt physically hurts emotionally hurts intellectually hurts it hurts to breathe some days you need to pray because God and your children are the only way you're going to be able to keep putting one foot in front of the other I didn't want this to sound depressing I wanted this to sound uplifting and I don't think it sounds like that now I hope that it helps Zeeks

From one to another...you just do. Watching my grandaughters I just do. They lost their mother in 2004, my husband their papa in 2006, we raised them from birth so he was their daddy. He had countless ailments. ..too many to begin to say. I am or suffer from extreme anxiety and so "normal" life not the norm as to other kids. I had healthb issues back issues for 6 months or longer after papas death. My younger granddaughter moved to her other grandma's out of town last July. She has multiple mental health issues but is starting to somewhat stableize. The older one deals with all this plus.... her aunt , her papas sister near death 60 pounds and bones like blown glass has been hospices for 6 months or so...should have been earlier but bad as she was caregave for my now deceased father in law. PSTD has nothing on my oldest life.... How do we go on? We just do... if she can I can.... God Himself gives us the way! We live on a non existent fixed income. So normal things in her age bracket now are so out of reach. To her credit her phone and security in small treasures like gum etc keep her happy. She is an AMAZING young lady now, 16 as of December 27. God provides the stregth we need to keep moving 1 foot in front of the other. Her father my son has substance abuse issues and the mobilehome we had is gone...had to give it away to keep a semblance of peace between my son and us. So gave it away to the mobilehome park. It was all we had from my husband's death. Yet we continue on..... We just do... Never quit praying Never lose faith in God and what He can do Zeeks

Always praying.... OutOur family knows death and terminal illness all too well. I our hearts and prayers.forever!

I was prescribed Xanax for a panic/anxiety disorder before Roger passed by maybe one year. It has been seven years since he has been gone; I still wonder to this day if I will ever really be done enough to actually feel like life is moving forward. We raised my two granddaughters and they are still young and with me now, I am in college , this is my sixth year; if I make it through this year I will have a business degree; yet to me life really has not moved on....I miss My Roger so much, daily, I wonder so many things; yes I eat, breathe and move my actual feet forward.... I am still on the Xanax ; but really if I was not I could not even move due to the original disorder. I so want to be "normal" again, but disorder or no disorder I know I never really will be normal. My granddaughters knew their papa as their father figure, and two years prior to his death they lost their mother. My step son who is their father more or less has issues of his own both emotional and psychological and chooses his wife now as opposed to children for fear of being without a partner. I can't fathom his decision, he even lost the last two children to the state seven years ago.... he has five all total, I have 2, 2 in adoptive home and 1 who is with the other grandparents.... he was told if he left his spouse 7 years ago he could have the 2 which were adopted out; he chose her as well.... they were young enough though that they have a normal life and think of their parents now as their original. So medication is not really the culprit for your sadness.... it does not matter, a soul mate is a soul mate no matter what. I guess what we keep hearing on here is true---- time will heal us, but how much time? Only God knows! I figure if my 2 granddaughters can lose so much and still find joy and not be angry then I can do it as well.... they are my teachers of life, them and God, so I listen and keep trying. I do not know if this will help.... but can't hurt. Prayers and thoughts to you, Zeeks

There is nothing wrong with you. My granddaughter has endured the death of her mother, then two years later the death of he papa; my husband. She adopted my philosophy, do not let anyone see your grief but then for no apparent reason and usually in secret she cries like a faucet being turned on. There is no stopping it. I think your way is better, feel when you feel it because if we do not identify with our emotions they can backfire in us or turn up at inappropriate times. We need to acknowledge our emotions as we feel them or they will encompass our whole lives and rule us to the point we do not know who we really are. You know yourself and that is great! My granddaughter is only 12 herself, her father lost his mother when he was young and when papa went, his dad he climbed into a cloud of illegal "bliss" shall we say and lost most of his world. By not acknowledging his heart he has all but lost it. The only ones who know the loving sensitive side are me, and his 2 daughters of which I have guardianship of and always have. The younger granddaughter buries her feeling and is too impulsive whether it be negative or positive. So keep crying, let it out , you know yourself and you will do great things in life! I promise, God promises. You are quite normal, and we only wish we could let it out as you do!

To me you are not crazy... ever since the angel of this world passed, my sweet Roger, I have realized that words are trivial. I totally agree with you, Roger needs to be in my arms!!! He needs to be here for his 2 beautiful granddaughters, rather daughters as we have always had them their whole lives. Any words given to the one whom has lost their spouse or loved one seem patronizing, contrite... I usually cannot say anything because I know how ineffective they truly are... so I either avoid the situation or am just there for them to lash out too. Does this make any sense? It has been 7 years and I feel more alone than ever!

I was married to Roger for just short of 22 years. I also feel invisible by all, his son, my family everyone. After the initial formality of the funeral and all it seemed everyone went on with their lives. That is all fine and good , they should...but Roger was the only one who ever accepted me, liked me for me and loved me...besides God. Parents love us cause they give us birth, but to really like who I am...I do not see it. I have a post "Why" on here as well... but no strength to type it here... sorry. If you read it you might understand some... I definitely feel invisible too...unless someone wants something and I can give it to them, otherwise I get allthe degrading one can receive. Hope you find yourself, I am sorry for your loss... I am invisible too!

I found out what I already knew the other day. Why could I have not been the one to die instead of my Roger? He was loved by all, better equipped to deal with troubles, calm, patient . I found out that he was the only reason people loved or acted as if they cared for me. That I was a thorn in everyones side. My life has lost all meaning, I used to have a routine and trying to raise the girls with love and understanding. But my son and his wife moved in and now I no longer have a room, or control over the home.... I do not smoke in the house, they do regardless of the rules, I am undermined at every turn, and my granddaughter to whom her grandfather and I have raised since birth was told how he hated me since my husband got him when his mother died. Also that he has told me on numerous occasions how if it were not for the girls he would have erased me from his life after his dad died. I know there is some mental troubles and have tried to overlook all this... but the fact is I can't anymore and the girls hurt because of it. one seems to want to ignore the issue , the younger one componsates and over loves me. The holidays are a bust and the older ones birthday is 2 days after Christmas. I do not know whether I can hang on to see to it her birthday goes as well as the younger ones did... all i know is I want to cease from being here, or on earth. I guess realize the older one will survive without me, but not the younger one anymore, and I used to think it was the other way around. Parents love you because they bore us... but I feel mine do not or could never like me... there is a difference between loving because of biology and liking the person. No one ever liked me for me but Roger, thought my babies(grandaughters) did... but evidently my depression and anxiety shine through and now it appears like i anm truly alone. Sorry, just needed to vent where no one really has any emotional connection. Sorry if I depressed anyone anymore than they already were... I mean no harm. I can't cry because it feeds the fuel for more taunts and ridicule... I am stuck and hurt.

I am not sure if everyone gets a sign, although if we have faith and believe I do know that the sign comes when we least expect it! I will pray for your sign and security come soon! Zeeks

As well as expected about sums it up alright. Knowing you need to teach children about death and how to stand and continue to walk, even though you feel as if you fall with every step. Trying to occupy your mind, but never knowing if what you do will get an end result. Wondering ...always wondering if the children would have been better adjusted if there were the 2 of you again, instead of 1 of me and their father and step mom. Knowing their grief is the same yet different than yours. My granddaughters lost their mother 2 years prior to their papa(Roger), which was their grandfather; we had always had custody of them so he was more like their father than my son, rather step son from my husband. Now he is their male role model; knowing their grief is 100 fold, yet they move on...at times bits and picies come out; but they really do not remember their mother, yet they wanted too. I wanted them too know them both... this most likely makes no sense... to the average lay person, yet in my mind it kind of does, Hope you can dicypher it.Thanks for letting me "end" your ear...Zeeks

Kay, I also have had a similar dream...like you I remember being so happy to be with Roger; then lost him in hte crowd. I woke crying. Another dream all I couold really remember was waking and smiling; wish I could remember more of that one! All I do remember is that I saw his face just as it used to be, right in front of me. I never wanted to wake that time!!! I was so sad that I even woke up, but I can still feel the comfort in my soul from that one. Wish I knew what they represented...

After Roger's death I felt lost... alone and empty. But I had made a promise to my granddaughters mother to be there and care for them as she would. One problem remained, my son turned his grief inwardly to drugs. He had a significant other and two other children. I asked repeatedly for help... they fought my son and his wife; it was hard to care for the 2 I had and remain calm when the other 2 were awoken in the night to be taken with the parents when they had no where to go, they were almost used as a weapon. Something to bargain with; I realize that my son, even as he was an adult never dealt with his mothers death when he was 8; now he was not dealing with his fathers death and he was an adult. How could I manage, how could I help? So I called the department of human services for help. They try took my other 2 grandchildren to foster care... because the parents, my son and his wife turned up not clean in their urine. Everyday since has been a guilt fight within me...they did not get their children back despite clean U.A's I paid for, or the work they did to attempt to clear their names. Now I constantly get the guilt trip forced on me with my 2 granddaughters... all 4 are biologically my sons... it is like a wedge thrown in the mix, constantly I fight to keep "normalcy " for them. Yet never winning unless I distance myself and them from their father and step mother. But I can't seem to do that, for I feel a conscience to my son. To the world he is my step son, to me mine. Any questions out there? What do I do? I can't get ahead because they use me up! Help!

Pictures do help, crying out loud seems to be a form of release if you can get away with it. It seems I never can, for I do not want to upset anyone around me. I holding it in seems to make my holding it in last longer. I wish that it did not. I wish there were a pill or something to take which made the pain subside. But alas there is not... how we deal with the grief and others during this time can break us or make us stronger. It sounds contrie...but we are building character whether we want to or not... it has been 6 years for me. His birthday just passed, i send him songs and letters over my FB page... I talk of him so much it is as if he is almost here with me. People think I am crazy...but it feels right to me. You will feel it if it is right...I promuise. Keep in touch, sorry you feel so sad. Zeeks1