Growing up I always wanted to be like my mom. She was your regular stay at home housewife but she was amazing. Every night was a homemade meal, she cleaned my room, took me on special mommy daughter days and especially was always there for me. She has always been the most loving caring awesome mom ever and I wanted to be just like her. My boyfriend and I have been together for five years and have always talked about wanting a family. Im 22 now, and three days before my birthday this past January my older brother died unexpectedly. He was my only sibling. Since then we have learned of some health conditions he had but we were unaware about it. My mom also has high blood pressure and has had two strokes in the past three years, the last being the day before my brother died. Drug addiction and alcoholism also runs in my family. Because of our ( lack of a better word ) crappy genes, I really don't think I want biological children ever. I take the precautionary steps to avoid this of course, but the more I think about it I don't think I can ever have children. I can't bear the thought of losing them. I feel consumed by my mothers grief as well as my own because every ounce of pain I feel, she feels 10 million times as much. I feel like I can't invest in anyone new. I already have my family and any more is just more grief in the future. Does anyone feel similar?