Paul57

Thank you for the kind thoughts and comments. I am so looking for a way to help deal with my pain. Paul

I still am having such a hard time..... I met Lynne when we were 14 and 15. We were inseparable and grew up together. we married young and were so happy. Children came fast and I worked countless hours making a good home financially for us. We raised four great children and put the bulk of our together plans off for later in life. We had made it ! our last was a junior in college and we began to plan our fun. At 48 she was diagnosed with a very aggressive breast cancer, I sold everything to focus on her. we fought the cancer for three years, surgeries chemos radiations, I never missed a meeting or treatment. multiple hospitals and treatments. Almost every week for three years, I could not bare the thought of anyone caring for her but me. So I was the advocate caregiver and husband. On my birthday in 2010 my love went into a coma and passed away the next day. I was distraught....I have alway been a rock with solid conviction and direction. After 6 months the loneliness was so great I started a number of short relationships. That was not working after 6 or 8 I wanted something stable. And I met a great girl who ironically runs several hospitals cancer departments. We had been seeing each other for almost a year and she had to transfer to the east coast. I broke it off for the most part because I don't think I properly finished greaving Lynne and I am stuck I can't move forward or any direction. I am lacking my direction and confidence. I always have a sinking feeling I want my old life but I know that is not reality. And I have managed to really hurt a great woman who is really in love with me. My children are really helping and at 54 I have 8 grandchildren.....Lynne and I were married for 33 years.... I just needed to express this