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What can you say but Thank You, Marty, for giving your time to those of us who are on this grief journey. Your wisdom, as our moderator, has given us tools that we need to move along on this journey. I thank you for the time you spend directing us to just the information we need. Mary, the poem you have shared says it very clearly. Thank you for sharing it. Anne

Dear Kathy, I am so sorry for the most recent loss of your husband to Pulmonary Fibrosis. I’m sure that the suddenness of your loss has sent you into a whirlwind of emotions. You are in shock right now - a way of protecting us from the reality all at once. You have taken a first step by finding this grief healing discussion group. We are a group of caring, understanding souls who all know what you are going through. You need to take care of yourself. Breathe, get rest and spend some time in the sun. There are so many other materials to help you on your journey on this web site. If you go to: http://www.griefhealing.com you will be introduced to our Bereavement Counselor, Marty. She is our lifeline and knows just how to direct us to the articles, songs, poems and many other links to guide us through our grief journey. The responses from other members are sensitive and caring. We all ‘get’ what you are going through. I understand about words that can ‘break our hearts.’ I am sure that nothing seems real to you. It’s too soon. December sounds like it will be a very hard month for you. We have something in common, Kathy. My Jim passed in May this year, we celebrate our wedding anniversary (big forty), my birthday, and Christmas all in December. Firsts I have been told are hard. You will cry and cry. We are told that tears are good for us because they help to cleanse the toxins out of our bodies. I have found crying to be a good release. I’ve even bawled, screamed, and sobbed. I am glad that all these reactions are ‘normal!’ HOV has both group and individual programs available to us also. I have used all of them and I find the online site to be most helpful. I do not feel so alone. I am also taking the online class, directed by Marty called: Finding Your Way Through Grief: A Guide for the First Year. I am glad you have come to this site. Anne

What a delightful post and I so agree with you, Marty, that Emry’s story indeed can apply to all of us who have lost someone dear to us whether human or animal. I loved Mystie the Magical dragonfly. What a great web site for young ones who have suffered a loss. The idea of the heart was very visual and most definitely something a young one or anyone could understand. The analogy of placing the pieces of paper with the sad emotions on top of the word Love and then removing the sad emotions one by one until eventually finding the word Love was a very powerful image. ‘The source of the love comes from inside me’ truly says it. All the heartache and sadness in our hearts will eventually give way to the love we have always had for those who have died and we will carry on remembering that love. Anne And so I’m reminded of another quote: 'To every thing there is a season and a time for every purpose under heaven.' Ecclesiastes 3:1

Dear Mary, This is news we have been waiting for and I am so happy for both of you. Way to go! Go Green Bay! I loved the story about Bentley's visit with the stroke victim. I truly believe that animals sense how we humans are feeling. Cathy and you will be in my prayers. You are being given a special gift to be with your friend. I know that I can say that all of our hands here on this forum are stretched out to you and we will walk with you on this journey of yours. Love to you, Anne

What a positive post to wake up to Anthony. Your anniversary day sounded just perfect except that you missed Sedona. Our good memories are what are going to move us along, aren't they? You have given me some ideas for what I will do in December. I was hoping to just go to sleep and wake up in January since I have a birthday, our wedding anniversary, and Christmas all coming in December! Six months for me is such a short time as is your ten months. You are in my heart and we will move through this tunnel we are in right now. Have a great day and thank you again for your positive post. A quote that I'd like to share with you: 'No one ever really dies as long as they took the time to leave us with fond memories.' - Chris Sorensen Anne

Really like the new look. YouTube video set up is great. Thanks for all the hard work that went into this. Information seems to be more organized. Thank you, thank you Marty and Ron. Anne

I really liked the song. I agree that it does speak to those of us who are widows. Your thoughts about Arthur show just how deep your love is for him. Remember, he will always be with you just a little different - for awhile. I like how you said that 'we were each others universe.' What a beautiful thought. You are in our hearts. I am glad that Dude is feeling better. Dogs just awe me. It's amazing how they seem to know how we are feeling. Anne

You have your pain, dear Lina. I think those night time cries will always be there for us. Is Dude better? You have every right to be angry. Arthur is not with you as you would want him to be. Thank you for sharing the picture of your Arthur. He is indeed one of all of our heroes. 'Triggers' are painful. I guess we will be getting many of them during the holidays. You are not alone during your 'the crying hour' time. Anne

Good Morning, Jan, I like the site you found. I just like poetry. I like what we can do with words. I especially like the last line of the last poem 'We do not recover from death, but when we allow others to help, we reweave our tapestry.' It seems that that is what we are doing by being on this site. Allowing others to help. You are in my heart as always. Anne

Dear Mary, What a weekend you ventured into. I am so happy that you went. New beginnings, dear Mary. Although, I am so sorry that you had to cancel Mary Oliver - you probably know all of her works by heart, but it would have been so inspiring to see her. What a special soul. I am so with you when you mention that all your attention was on Bill. It is what we had to do, isn't it? It's your time now, Mary. You have to keep focus on who you are, because you are one very special person. Your generous heart is not unnoticed on this forum. You have been a light in the darkness for many of us. Thank you. When you are ready - you can work on some of us! I know I could sure use some extra work. You told me that you were going to carry me in your heart when you walked the labyrinths. I know you did and I felt it. Again, just shows what a beautiful person you really are. Hope you enjoyed your tea. A few mornings this week it got in the forties in the early morning - yes, here in sunny AZ. By afternoon it is so nice though. I did turn on the fireplace - cozy. My toes get cold! If Bentley is anything like Fred (my grand dog) when he visits the kennel I know what totaled is - Fred will be wiped out for days. I hope I'll be ready for my own dog soon. I am not quit there yet. Cathy is always in my prayers as are you. Tough time ahead for both of you. We will be here for you. Tonight I attended my first group meeting with HOV people. My grief counselor nudged me into going for the Coping With the Holidays Meeting. It was good. I cried as did all who were there - suffering so many different types of pain. I am still so sensitive that I cry with everyone! We did do some hugging which I was grateful for - I miss Jim. Rest, sleep, take care of you. Anne

Kay, You are welcome. Jim and my differences made for a challenging marriage. We loved to banter. Whatever word we choose to use about death is what we choose. I will 'pin' for you only when I stop finding things that inspire me. Anne

Jan, Music will come when YOU are ready. Here's my thought for the night and then I'm going to bed. I thank you God for this most amazing day, for the leaping greenly spirits of trees, and for the blue dream of sky and for everything which is natural, which is infinite, which is yes. (e. e. cummings) ps - Mary - I hope you are reflecting on your retreat. Anne

Dear Mary and All, I too was caught up in the election and stayed up way too late. I so dislike all the chatter! People think they have so much to say when in reality they don't. My personal opinion is that we all need to be still for a while and listen to our hearts. Our society isn't allowing us to do that though. I wonder what our country would be like if the Dalai Lama or Mother Teresa or Deepak Chopra, or Eckhart Tolle or even St. Francis of Assisi was our new President? People need help managing their time. For many of us our standard response when someone asks how we are doing is to say, "I've been so busy…" This is a useless statement. It says nothing about how we really are doing, it signals that we may be having problems disciplining our lives, and it may even be a small badge of honor we are flashing. Busyness and stress are two problem areas that we turn into merit. We must stop complaining about being too busy and fix what needs fixing. Otherwise how are we going to help people who are looking for leaders who can show them how to manage life? Bottom line: spiritual leadership means many people serving all people in issues regarding all of life. Spiritual leadership is all - encompassing. No wonder it is so rewarding, and so challenging at the same time. How much better the world would be if all of us–church leaders, business leaders, educators, community leaders, medical and legal professionals, parents–used all the tools available to us as we help people, made in the image of God, come under the enduring influence of God. And why would we want to do anything else? What do you think? Mary, I'm glad you liked the quote I came across from Mary Oliver. I like this post a lot. If you wish, check out my poetry board (Pinterest) and listen to Billy Collins reading a few of his poems put to animation. Genius. I'm glad you are going on your retreat this weekend. I am scheduling a few days in December at Our Lady of Guadalupe Monastery here in AZ for a renewal of my own spirituality – for I have no idea what's to face me for my future. Jim's death changed all of my plans for my future. Now I have to re-evaluate my life without him. I wasn't sure what I was going to do with this pdf attachment I put together but it seems appropriate to post it here. Have you thought of your 'goal list' yet? Anne Almost Forgot – Reflections on Moving Forward.pdf

Attentiveness - I guess that's good... this quote just spoke to me today. “Ten times a day something happens to me like this - some strengthening throb of amazement - some good sweet empathic ping and swell. This is the first, the wildest and the wisest thing I know: that the soul exists and is built entirely out of attentiveness.” ― Mary Oliver

Dear Lina, You know why you 'fight so hard to keep on going.' Your little nine year old needs you. Remember, you told me in an e-mail that you 'can't skip Christmas because of her.' Your feelings are all NORMAL as we have been told so many times. You are so young. Remember, people have good intentions they just don't 'get it!' I think your response is great. There will be so many wonderful life experiences ahead of you. I don't have any answers but I know that as much as I miss my Jim I still love to wake up in the morning and see the sky, the flowers, and all the others things in this world. I am sure that there are articles about apathy on Marty's www.griefhealing.com link. You are in my thoughts. Anne

So what else is someone to do on a Sunday afternoon when others are busy with whatever... I'm adding my thoughts on: 'Is it Grieving or Mourning I'm Into Now?' as a pdf file so those who don't wish to read it won't be bored. My new trees are planted. I gave some living room pieces to Habitat for Humanity. I added more things around the house to remind me of Jim - like I needed to. Should I feel better - I don't know. I know I don't. Life goes on all around me. Anne At First I Was Grieving Now I Am Mourning.pdf

See my 'more sharing' in the attachment below. I am finding this journey quite interesting! Have a good week. Anne

Great quote, Jan. I find peace reading any of Mary Oliver material - especially now. Anne

Oh Mary, You do know how relieved I am that you are not going to try to make that drive in one day. I know the areas and it would be very challenging. Cathy is a very lucky person to have you as her life time friend. You know that all of us will have everyone in our prayers. Yvonne's art exhibit sounded like it was a success. Any cookies left. I am glad that you listen to yourself - sometimes. I really like Jan's Mary Oliver quote, also. Anne

Oh Mary, I remember that interview. So good. Anne "I held my breath as we do sometimes to stop time when something wonderful has touched us..." Mary Oliver quote

Dear Harry, I have been following your POSITIVES post but have not really offered any thoughts but I have been inspired. Your journey is somewhat reminding me of ‘Man of La Mancha’ – you know the guy – the one who transformed himself into Don Quixote de La Mancha. As the quote goes: To dream the impossible dream To fight the unbeatable foe To bear with unbearable sorrow To run where the brave dare not go. etc. etc. I have learned about NET cancer from your bravery for putting it out there for us. I have read about how dedicated you have been in the fund raising and runs you have been involved in in Jane’s honor. I am learning (only a little over five months of losing the love of my life) about now not being able to follow dreams that we were making together. I am learning that it’s ok for me to have Jim’s clothes in his drawers and hanging in the closet – I have screamed out just opening a drawer – and I don’t know if I’ll ever pack his things up and donate them – I’m not there yet – but you are indeed BRAVE. I hang onto the clothes bars and wonder why Jim is not here and there are tears - You are on a journey that is selfless – and this inspires those of us on a similar one. And as Mary said you do NOT have anything to be embarrassed about – You are grieving and it is NORMAL – and if it’s not, then someone is sure fooling us – Good for you for thinking about what Jane would have wanted – things to go to those who are in need. I changed a few pieces of living room furniture this past week and donated the pieces going out to Habitat for Humanity – one of Jim’s favorite organizations – Your car will take you where you need to go until it is time to get another one. You will discover new dreams that will take you on a path that will move you forward to new beginnings. Thank you for all your positives as your heart aches. Anne

Oh Mary, that is how I was first introduced to Marty. The first call to me from HOV after Jim died was from a grief counselor who directed me to the site. That is how I found the online 'First Year of Grief: Help for the Journey' class. I am only on the fourth lesson because there are so many links to go to from each lesson and I only receive the e-mails twice a month I also have the book which I use to review. I didn't join until September even though Jim passed in May. I was/sometimes am in denial. I do use griefhealing.com almost daily. And don't forget to get that nap in. Anne

Good article, Marty. Thank you for directing us to it. When you are new to the forum it is hard to find all these treasures. Anne

Oh, I like the poem very much. I was just on NPR this morning and found an interview with Mary Oliver on her latest poems from 'A Thousand Mornings.' This one touched me - I will have to buy yet another book. And I really like this post site. Thank you for creating it. I'm sending you pictures of my newly planted trees and the change in my living room. I cried lots just because of the little changes I am making, but it was something Jim and I talked about. I just finally got the courage to do it. Anne A THOUSAND MORNINGS All night my heart makes its way however it can over the rough ground of uncertainties, but only until night meets and then is overwhelmed by morning, the light deepening, the wind easing and just waiting, as I too wait (and when have I ever been disappointed?) for redbird to sing. by Mary Oliver

Oh Mary, I hope you do get the chance to see Mary Oliver. What an inspiration this woman is. I have not read her newest book but will see if Barnes & Noble has it. You are in my thoughts as you deal with Cathy's illness. Arms are around you. Peace. Anne