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Everything posted by enna

  1. Just in time for Thanksgiving... https://whatsyourgrief.com/surviving-thanksgiving-6-tips-for-grievers/
  2. Wednesday, November 14, 2018 I Thou Grief What we think about grief depends upon whether we’ve been inside the Theatre of the Absurd or we’re still standing on the street trying to look cool, wanting/not wanting to sneak in. We can observe someone crying, overcome with emotions, face wet with tears, hands clenching and unclenching, and know what grief looks like. We can classify grief as a species and study its genomes, watching how it interacts with other species like anger, despair, love, and hate. We can talk about grief as a philosophical concept, especially existentialism because our human existence no longer seems to have any meaning or purpose. We can speak about grief’s linguistic gymnasium where we tumble through words searching for those that are sharp enough to express profound, personal trauma. We can study grief as a cultural phenomenon and gather information on how our society deals with the death of its members, and how it helps, and hinders, the return to normal life. We can read the ancient mythologies and learn how people in prescientific times shaped their fears of the unknown into landscapes of metaphors and stories of myths to explain the randomness of death. We can divide grief into different psychological types of personal loss—spouse, parent, child, sibling, friend, pet—and discuss which factors foster recovery and which ones compound the difficulties. We can defuse, negate, and analyze our own grief so completely that we understand what’s happening and why, but neglect to face our feelings of anger and loss and lose our joy for living. To grieve honestly is to enter into a relationship. Grief is not a concept to grasp or a puzzle to figure out. It’s a journey of heart we take through a wilderness. Death is not the thing with feathers. Death comes bearing bricks, and when it arrives we need to develop a relationship with grief because grief is going to be our guide. If we open ourselves to grief and move with its tide as it flows in and out, we will stop seeing grief as an abstract concept and experience it as presence. Grieving is emotion and verb; the thing itself, and the thing that never can be named. Grief will no longer be what happens to other people. It will be what walks alongside us through the trauma and connects us to something larger than ourselves. If we face grief with courage, if we accept life’s hard realities, we will experience the silence beyond understanding, find hope to go on and experience grace. As we converse with grief, it moves from being an It to being a close friend. We develop an I-Thou relationship with each other, a relationship of listening, sharing, and trust. inspired by Martin Buber’s I and Thou Posted by Mark Liebenow
  3. How to Thrive this Holiday Season Once again another good webinar hosted by Dr. Gloria Horsley, Dr. Heidi Horsley, and Alan Pedersen Some ideas shared that I found interesting: When at a gathering and you want to leave – download the Uber App ahead of time so you can leave if you need to without breaking up the gathering Accept an invitation with a definite “ok now” but I might feel different on the day Rituals are important – light a candle or go for a walk or spend time in nature “Pain is with us because we have loved” If you’re going to be alone – find someone else who will be alone and volunteer If you don’t feel like making a holiday dinner – compromise - go out to eat At a dinner toast everyone, not just the one who died Share stories about the one who died but don’t make them the center Believe that your perspective will change – you will have joy again Every year Hospice of the Valley in Arizona has a special community remembrance of our loved ones who died. It is called Light Up a Life. We can submit a photo of our loved one or bring a photo and display it on a special table and during the ceremony the photos are flashed on a big screen as candles are lit. It is good to gather with those who have lost a loved one. The times I have attended I always came away feeling better.
  4. Something a few of us are doing as a continued part of our grief journey. The book is by Jan Warner and it is called Grief Day by Day: Simple Practices and Daily Guidance for Living with Loss. I share it here only as one way (a ritual) to cope with day to day living with the loss of someone or our fur babies. It is another way to honor our pain. I do not suggest this for those in the first years of loss. Just like there is no wrong way to grieve so is there no wrong way to use this book. Take a look inside and see if it might be something you’d be interested in…This book might also be added to our Grief Bibliographies, Marty.
  5. Thinking of you and holding you close, Katie. One small step forward...💜
  6. So glad you are home and with the boys, Katie. Sending love and hugs. 💜
  7. Keeping you in thought and prayers Katie. We are and will be with you during these very hard times. Anne 💜
  8. Wednesday, September 26, 2018 Widower's Grief My Heart Is a Wooden Room My heart is a wooden room, an empty octagon with cushions on an oak floor. The room is nestled in the earth and rises from it. The room is rooted in the earth that is rooted to the ocean in front and the mountain behind. It is organic and breathes. Love lives in this room in the midst of sorrow. My heart is a wooden room with people gathered inside. We sit on cushions and share our stories of struggle and triumph. We are rooted to each other through our words, tears, and arms. In the morning, the energy of love is kindled within and flows in waves through us. My heart dances on the afternoon breeze with the prayer flags we follow on the path through the woods, and the path that we follow through grief. Our presence here nourishes one another. My heart is a wooden room. It waits patiently and listens for the unheard to be spoken. It remembers the whisper of her voice and the softness of her hands. It provides a place where I make the hard journey from what has been to what will be. Grief is rooted in love and the mystery that flows through us. My heart is a wooden room and empties as I share my life with others. It fills when I listen to their stories and feel their compassion. In the beating of our hearts together around the campfire, in the beating of the drum and the movement of the ocean, we feel the enduring rhythm of love. As we share our stories of death with each other, the sharing of compassion breathes life back into us. Posted by Mark Liebenow
  9. The above webinar was OK. My notes were choppy so I decided to just listen. I think we all have things to learn about suicide. Having support and engaging in self-care is important to the one coming out of a suicide. It's important to know that suicide happens - it's part of life - we should be able to talk about it.
  10. I am so very sorry to hear of the sudden death of your dad. You have come to a place that has caring people who will listen as you share with us this heartbreaking loss. Know that you are not alone and even though we are not with you physically we are all with you here. Sharing our pain helps in our healing. Anne
  11. A FREE 10-day program - Waking UP in the World begins today. Excellent so far - Each day is available for 24hrs after the talks. I've committed to the ten days. Part of my healing.
  12. I do not have a picture of Buttercup (the early 50s) but here is Benji and Fred ~ Both are in Rainbow heaven now... Benji (a Schipperke-Poodle) was my rescue dog and Fred (a Beagle was our granddog...my heart still hurts.
  13. As one of many horse lovers your post brings tears to my eyes. I am so sorry to hear this coming from your broken heart. I remember how much you loved your Kachina. I have no idea what it cost to keep a horse today but my heart hurts for you. Scout sounds like a wonderful horse. You have every right in this world to be disappointed and angry. When I was growing up I had a horse named Buttercup and I loved him. We were too poor to keep him and a neighbor bought him from my father. I was lucky to be able to ride him for several years after that. Coming from a small town horse riding was something many of us did. It was a different time then. Buttercup was the first animal I can remember ever really loving. We had dogs and rabbits and farm animals but they belonged to everyone. I loved being able to ride Buttercup for a few years after he was sold and then we moved to a city. My most favorite memories were when I was in fourth and fifth grades when my two best friends and I used to ride whenever we could. After sixth grade, I took up dance. I threw myself into dance and became an average ballet dancer. After I graduated from Point I broke two bones in my leg and was not able to continue dancing so I decided that playing an instrument was safest for me. I played violin in the orchestra at my high school. I was never very good but enjoyed those years. When I became an adult and living near horse stables in AZ I spent many hours with horses belonging to others. My last riding took place back in 2002. Arthritis took over my body and I could no longer ride. For years I spent time visiting a stable near me just hanging out with the horses whenever I could. This satisfied me but when my beloved Jim became ill I was consumed with caring for him for over five years and could no longer visit the stable. I do understand the pain you are feeling. You have every right to “feel” sorry for yourself. I have had two very special furbaby dogs. One was my granddog and the other was a dog I rescued. I understand a broken heart. I have always felt that my rescue dog found me after Jim died. I send you hugs to your broken heart.
  14. Don't forget to mark your calendar...
  15. enna


    A Spoken Guided Visualization ~ Letting Go of Control by Jason Stephenson ~ something to give us a little peace for all that is going on in our world today
  16. Comfort for the Grieving Hearts: Hope and Encouragement in Times of Loss – Gary Roe His words resonate and he has a way of helping us realize that we are not alone in our grief. His writings make me think of what it is like when sitting down with a friend and sharing grief stories. Becoming Radiant: A New Way to Do Life Following the Death of a Beloved - Tom Zuba Tom Zuba’s writings are about love and hope and healing. This latest book is again focused on a new way of grieving as only he can say it. A Place in my heart, When a Pet Dies – Barbara Karnes, RN This is another booklet by BK explaining what happens when the life of a precious pet approaches death. I love her booklets. I have added her booklets to our community libraries as well as giving them out to caregivers who work with families caring for loved ones facing death.
  17. Thanks, Marty. Sorry about the wrong use of the word - it should have read bibliographies NOT biographies! 😜
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