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enna

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Everything posted by enna

  1. The story of your precious furbaby touched my heart. Thank you for sharing it. I am sorry that you had to go through this very difficult loss. Does your precious boxer boy have a name and do you have a picture to share. We are many pet lovers here and it is so comforting to share our pet stories. Your story says that he was a very loved boy.
  2. Mary Jane, is this the song? It is beautiful.
  3. Oh Allen and Katie, I can only imagine how very confused you are right now about your dad’s love for you but we do know how very much he did love you. In my opinion, it is perfectly normal for you to be questioning everything right now. One significant loss is almost unbearable for us to comprehend let alone multiple losses. Let me share one thing about your dad that I found about him over the last years. Your dad and I have been emailing ever since your mom passed. He struggled with her death and the love he had for her always came through in his emails or in what he shared on the forum. Your dad had tremendous love for his family. His struggles were inside himself. He was so proud of you, Allen, and he truly loved you, Katie. His heart tore opened a little each time there was a death of one of your precious babies ~ his grandbabies. At times he was not even able to put into words the ache he was feeling. I believe that only a very deep love would be capable of this. He worked so hard in trying to understand all the multiple losses in such a short period of time. I believe that at times like this there are no words that can comfort us rather what is needed is a willingness to listen. Most of us do not have advice to offer during a time like this but we do have hearts that can open to each other and listen. I am here for you as are others on the forum. We will listen even though we will not be able to answer most of the questions you and Katie have. I will continue to carry your family in my heart as you walk through this very dark place right now. Light will come because of the love you have for each other. I love the pictures of the kids that you share with us. Anne
  4. enna

    Meditation

    DAILY MEDITATION Becoming Kind February 4 Photo courtesy of SDGimagery.com Kindness is a beautiful human attribute. When we say, "She is a kind person" or "He surely was kind to me," we express a very warm feeling. In our competitive and often violent world, kindness is not the most frequent response. But when we encounter it we know that we are blessed. Is it possible to grow in kindness, to become a kind person? Yes, but it requires discipline. To be kind means to treat another person as your "kin," your intimate relative. We say, "We are kin" or "He is next of kin." To be kind is to reach out to someone as being of "kindred" spirit. Here is the great challenge: All people, whatever their color, religion, or sex, belong to humankind and are called to be kind to one another, treating one another as brothers and sisters. There is hardly a day in our lives in which we are not called to this.
  5. “Grief is such an involved, crazy thing. Every day is something different. Not different in a good way. Don't be surprised if tomorrow you feel completely different. I hope tomorrow is a better day!” ~ Gin I like what Gin has said in response to your post, Gwen. I am sure that how you are feeling right now will change tomorrow. That is how grief is. Even after five years, I find myself puzzled by how I’m still going from disbelief that my Jim is gone and wondering how I’m going to continue on without him. The quiet we experience is almost unbearable at times. I do not think it matters if we have support from family or friends or not because we are still alone in a home that was shared by our spouses. I wish I could say it changes but it doesn’t. When one loses a significant other who has been a major part of our adult lives no matter how much we try to adjust it just doesn’t happen. We remain alone. To me, this does not mean I have to be lonely. Yes, we are alone but there are things we can do about it. I get up in the morning and get dressed and take care of whatever has to be done for that day. Sometimes it might be just going to the store for whatever and other times it might mean volunteering at a senior home for an hour or two. Other times it is so hard that I spend most of the day under the covers. I have passed that time where I think Jim might come in the door any minute. I have even gotten so angry with him that as you said I’d like to erase him from my mind. That is only a fleeting moment though because he had given me so many wonderful memories that I find I focus on those memories more now. Tomorrow I may be right back to being angry with him. Grief does that. It’s like that damn rollercoaster people talk about ~ sometimes we are OK and other times we are not. One thing I do know, Gwen, is that these feelings do pass and we find ourselves going through yet another day ~ alone. It may not be as hard as it was a few days ago but we manage to carry on for that is what we do. Sending you and others who are going through tough times a hug today.
  6. We all appreciate all that you do and are so grateful to you for having this safe place to come to. Enjoy your day.
  7. This is my opinion only and is not in any way directed at anyone. In my awkward way, I am only expressing my own thoughts as I deal with my own grief of Butch’s suicide. I believe that to keep adding new threads will only isolate us when that is the last thing we need as we deal with our grief. In the early months of the loss of my beloved Jim I only went to the thread Loss of Spouse…it was only later that I started to read what others are going through in other threads and in doing so I found comfort in the discussions. Most of us have all experienced different losses and what I found was that when I visited a different thread I began to respond to someone who was going through a very recent loss ~ the loss of a parent, the loss of a child, the loss of a precious animal, behaviors in grief, anticipatory grief, etc…reading what someone posted found me responding to something that touched my heart and I found myself able to share my own experiences. One of the things I have learned about grief is that it is not isolated into categories rather it is a universal word that means something that touches our very souls. Yes, different losses demand attention in different areas but the grief is the same. My example of what I am trying to say is what happened when our Butch took his life a short time ago. I have been with him for most of his time here on our forum. He had suffered tremendous losses during these last few years. His story can be read elsewhere for those interested but for me, it does not need to be isolated for his story is not only about suicide. His story is about loss ~ the loss of his beloved Mary, the loss of his grandchildren, and the loss of family members before his Mary’s death. If I had not gone from reading only about the loss of my Jim I would not have had the privilege of meeting the warm, caring, sensitive man Butch was. I would not have gotten to know members of his family and smiled at the precious antics of his grandchildren. Who can forget those precious photos? Perhaps because I have lived a long time and I have experienced many different losses I am able to empathize with those who find themselves here who have recently lost a parent or a spouse, or a sibling, or a friend, or a pet, or who are anticipating the loss of someone important in their lives, or who are struggling with their own thoughts at this time. I feel very honored to have shared their grief on this forum. I believe it has made me a better person. It was a while before I found myself reading the different threads under Loss and Grief on our main page that I began my journey of healing. My grief will always be with me and now I am doing something about it. “Knowledge is Power” and reading about our grief does give us the power we need to first of all deal with our own grief and then perhaps walk with someone else who is new to it. We never know what someone might say that is just what we needed to hear. Butch’s suicide has touched me deeply. I am struggling since this is the first person I have known who took his own life. Because I got to know Butch as a person and walked with him through many of his losses he is more to me than a person who died by suicide. I will now work to understand what happens when someone as special as Butch was makes the decision to think that his way was the best way. I am glad that I know Allen, Butch’s son, and Katie, Butch’s DIL, because I will continue to be here for them ~ not only because someone I know has chosen to end his life but because I have others I know who have lost parents and children and who need our continued support that we are able to give because this forum is here for us who after all are “family” in a very special way. With Love, Anne
  8. As Butch said Kay you have been here for us and now you need to know that we are here for you. I am so sorry you are going through this. Know that Donna is in my prayers and we hold you in our hearts. Anne
  9. enna

    Meditation

    This is a moving short video reflecting on the beauty of the universe. I used it with my meditation group as an opening...
  10. enna

    Meditation

    I come back to this one...
  11. Dear Janka, I have found comfort in the music selections you have shared with us. After my beloved Jim died in 2012 I turned to music for my comfort. To this day I find healing in good music. Jim loved classical music and some other kinds of music that spoke to him. In the U.S. he really liked Patsy Cline, Neil Diamond, Anne Murray, Josh Groban and most classical music. I am an eclectic music lover ~ whatever moves me I listen to. I shall miss the music selections that you choose to share with us if you leave us. Anne
  12. Oh, Mary Beth, If you find that cave and you move into it know that you will not be there alone. I’ll be waiting at the entrance, as I’m sure many others will be also just to let you know that you are not alone. We sit with you for as long as you need us to. Dr. Joanne Cacciatore is a favorite of mine. Are you familiar with her book Bearing the Unbearable? It’s about all of US who are grieving. Anne
  13. Over the years I have seen many people not post but are still very much a part of this special grief family. I am glad we have the buttons where we can at least let someone know their posts have been read. Many of us do not have responses to many of the posts and many people keep to a thread that relates to them. It was a very long time before I even ventured out of the thread that had meaning for me ~ the death of my beloved Jim a little over five years ago. As I remained a member I found several other threads that had meaning for me. I continue to learn about my grief journey as I navigate the different threads. Eventually, I found my way to reading threads from Loss of a Pet after several very special family pets died, I found myself able to empathize with others who have lost precious furbabies. I read Loss of a Parent thread not only because I have lost both parents but also because I have come to ‘know’ people who are mourning the recent loss of a parent. I have lost three of my siblings and I will read something from someone who has posted because they are in deep pain and I just might have something to say to them that might help, I have come to realize that this forum provides wonderful resources not only for the newly bereaved but also for those of us who have been here for a long time. Each thread provides us with valuable resources and the opportunity to exchange support to each other. When this grief healing discussion site was formed it was explained to us that this is our forum but the forum will be professionally monitored and moderated by a highly qualified grief counselor. You can find the link here that will talk about just how this site is different from others. This ‘no ad’ site continues to be free but a donation is much appreciated if you are able. Anne
  14. Allen, Beautiful pictures of Ryan. I'm so glad you're sharing here. Anne
  15. I would like to say how very sorry I am that you lost your dad in such a sudden way. How very difficult it must be for your mom also. How comforting it must have been for your mom to have you there for those three weeks. There are always so many things to take care of during this time. As you settle into this new reality you will have your own mourning to do just as your mom will have hers. I have been in both situations having lost both my parents and my beloved husband, Jim. This is a forum that will give you many excellent resources and help you along the way. The material you will find on this site has accurate information and the forum is monitored by a highly qualified grief counselor. When you have time and feel the need come here and read in the different forums after you have read posts in the loss of a parent thread. Another very helpful area is to read Marty’s Grief Healing Blog that you will find at the top of the main page of this site. Most people read but do not post replies. We are good listeners and in our grief we need listeners. We need others who will sit with us and allow us to express our deep hurt for the great loss we have endured. Anne
  16. Hi Allen, It is good that you have found yourself a safe and caring place to receive the support YOU so deserve. The burden you are being asked to carry right now is great and I can understand your feeling that “the world is on my shoulders.” Your family has been through mega grief. As a devoted son, you have held up under the loss of your mother, the loss of your precious children, and the added temporary loss of a father who means the world to you. Sometimes when the grief is too heavy we need to stop and reach out to others for help. We will to be here for you, Allen. We are good listeners. You are not alone. We know your dad is struggling right now with all this grief and that is adding to your already fragile state as you try to process all that has happened. I think anger is ‘normal’ in grief and the one who is angry has to work through this on his/her own. At times professional help is needed. As much as family wants to help sometimes it can’t happen because the person either can’t see this or isn’t ready to hear it. I know how much you want to get your dad through this difficult time and the most important thing you or any of us who love your dad can do is be there for him. We know enough about grief to know that we are not broken nor do we need to be fixed. We need people who will listen to us and sometimes we do need professionals to help us through this. Grief is not a sickness and shouldn’t be treated as if it is. Your dad is getting the help he needs right now and I pray that he is also getting the understanding of a good grief counselor who can guide him in understanding some of the thoughts he is struggling with. Keeping you and your family in my continued prayers. Sometimes too many losses so close together are just beyond our mental capacity to digest. We shut down or start to blame ourselves for something we had no control over. I think anger and blame are ways we try to cope. Your dad will come through this. We are here for him and for you and your family. Anne
  17. We don’t have a say in how to confront an illness that leads to death. Paul kalanithi’s book, When Breath Becomes Air is inspiring and gives me the courage to face major illnesses. I recommend it to the person looking for inspiration during a health crisis.
  18. "When the petals of the heart unfold, fragrance spreads across the valley." ~Amit Ray
  19. enna

    Meditation

    DAILY MEDITATION Vulnerable, Like a Bird January 3 Photo courtesy of SDGimagery.com Life is precious. Not because it is unchangeable, like a diamond, but because it is vulnerable, like a little bird. To love life means to love its vulnerability, asking for care, attention, guidance, and support. Life and death are connected by vulnerability. The newborn child and the dying elder both remind us of the preciousness of our lives. Let's not forget the preciousness and vulnerability of life during the times we are powerful, successful, and popular.
  20. Monday, January 1, 2018 Zero Zero January 1 Mark Liebenow Zero degrees this morning as if there was no temperature. The world postcard still. No creatures move. I breathe the crisp air in slow, not wanting to freeze my lungs. Steam curls from neighborhood rooftops. Thick snow covers the road and my mailbox. Black tree branches brush haiku across the white paper landscape. The woods are silent. No birds at my feeder of sunflower seeds. Deer have not followed the creek’s path up to paw through the white crust for green moss underneath. Zero is a door between. What will be born in me this year? What will die? Dawn trails pink across the frozen horizon warms the air to eight degrees. The crystalline world sparkles in sunlight. Crows glide across the frosted sky. A cardinal sweeps to the feeder. his feathers bright red against the white. Wrens come, then chickadees, a Downey woodpecker. Their sounds return life to the brittle forest. Posted by Mark Liebenow at 10:01 AM
  21. Peace and Stillness in Your Hearts May 2018 bring new beginnings to you. May kindness spin all around you in the form of confetti. May what you think bring you joy. May your heartaches not be as numerous as 2017. And as you enter into a new year may you be grateful for all that you have. Patience Energy Awakenings Confidence Evolving Let go of envy. Let go of negativity. Let go of anything that does not serve you. Just allow what is to Be Enough. Focus on good intentions. Focus on a passion that you can live with. Focus on serving others as it combats loneliness. Focus on good self-care. Read daily for Reading is Knowledge. Step into worlds that widen your understanding of other cultures. Listen to music for I believe it is music that brings you closer to your soul. Forgive yourself. Work in your gardens. Love animals. Laugh each day for it is healthy to do so. Rid yourself of clutter ~ for we all have too much stuff. And do eat chocolate.
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