sdk

Lina My husband Jim has been gone almost 6 months and I am going through the same thing. I think sometimes as time goes by reality sets in. Up until a few weeks ago I was living thinking and saying that he was coming home and at that time it seemed so real to me. As the days went by reality began to set in. I still think that sometimes now when something happens that I feel I cannot take care of myself, but realize I have to do it myself because he is not coming home. I started going to a therapist after a month and that has really helped as well as belonging to forums like this. Like others have said being around others who are going through the same feelings really helps. Living momet to moment and then graduating to living hour to hour and then day to day. Keep talking here we are all here for you. sheryl

Good morning Mary, Just checking in to see how you are doing this morning and how your night went. Thinking of you today. Sheryl

babylady, so sorry for your lose of your John. Glad you found this site, Everyone here understands how you are feeling and is here to listen whenever you need it. I have found that people are always saying call me if you need anything and the never call to see how you are. I have had that experience and it hurts. Sometimes you need to ask for help. Also being scared are being alone and getting sick or not feeling well is something we all feel. Have you thought about getting a medical alert button? Remember we are here for you and we are only a send button away. Sheryl

Know how feel you feel and the feelings and tears are ok. Jim and I would have celebrated our 33rd anniversary on July 1st. I also want to be alone and part of me is afraid to be alone. I am planning to go to the cementary that morning to give him an anniversary card and then spent the day with my kids and granddaughter at a street fair that Jim and I and my children have gone to for the past 5 years. I went to a medium today (something I never believed in) and had a very positive experience. So much of what she said was true and made me feel so much lighter. I will be thinking of you and your husband tommorrow. Sheryl

Hello Zeeks, I am so sorry for your loss. Grief is so very hard. I have found that going to one to one counseling really has helped me. I find she doesn't tell me how to feel or what to do but reaffirms that what I am feeling is normal and that I need to feel what I feel, cry when I cry, yell if I need to and follow through on my instincts. Please ask your own medical doctor for the name of someone who they recommend and try it. It should help. Keep in touch. Sheryl

Dear DeAnne, I am so sorry for your loss. The ever changing emotions are very hard but is part of the journey. I foind that has the months have gone by (its been 5 months since Jim died) I cry more and more. I find myself crying in the car, in a store, when I am sitting on my deck listening to music, day or night. Whenever I am busy it is a few minutes of distraction but then something will pop into my head and the tears start flowing. I have found that I just let it happen and for a few minutes I block out the rest of the world and just cry. It may sound selfish but right now I feel its all about me and I do what I want when I want no matter what anyone says. Writing on this forum helps because we are all feeing the same way and it does help to know we are not alone and doing anything wrong. Talking to people who are experiencing similiar feelings and emotions tells us we are not going crazy, Keep writing. Speak to you soon

Dear Jan, How you feel about tee is definately not stupid or unrealistic. When people tell me that I have to accept what happened and go on I usually tell them that they have no idea what they are talking about. Even people who have lost a spouse don't know how feel. Grief is so personal and everyone handles it differently. A couple of weeks after Jim died I was looking for a site like this and I ending up on a forum called the light and beyond. I did not realize it was from England. I know wanted to find a site the was from this country. Where do you live? I live in Goshen, new york. I thought if I made friends with people on this site we could call each other as well as communicate on the forum. I try very hard to Jimto keep busy during the day but there are some days I just want to stay in bed. The nights are the worst, but I talk to Jim all the time (and sometimes yell as well). Keep in touch. Sheryl

To all my new friends, thank you for your support and kind words. I know talking to others in the same situation really helps and where no judges you or says inappropriate and hurtful things helps on this very hard journey. Yes thereare ups and downs, usually more downs especially at night when the house is empty and so quiet. I try to keep busy during the day. I was retired and decided to go back to work part time so that really helps especially I work where my husband worked and the support of the people there is overwhelming and so helpful. They talk about Jim and help keep his memory alive for me. I even laugh sometimes. I have a new granddaughter who is 8 months old and was born 6 weeks before Jim got sick so he got to see and hold her for those 6 weeks. She looks just like him and has his mannerisms so I believe that he is part of her. I still believe at times that he is still going to come home but as the weeks go back I guess reality is setting in and I feel sometimes the sadness and hurt are getting worse not better. I know this is all normal and part of the journey but it is confusing and maddening because I still don't understand why all of this has happened. I realize through therapy that some questions never get answered. Right now I still can not accept that. Speak to you all soon.

I lost my husband Jim 5 months ago on Jan. 8, 2012 after 2 months in the hospital. Jim had a major stroke on Nov. 14th and soon after had his 5th heart attack, kidnet failure, developed pneumonia and was put on a ventilator. He was sedated for the first two weeks and that had a trach. The doctors only gave him a 5% chance of survival. So I began to prepare for him dying. After about 1 month he woke up, started talking, joking around and was a little like his old self. He was on a feeding tube, blind in his left eye and completely paralyzed on his left side, but he was getting better. He no longer needed dialysis and seemed to be getting stronger.He was then scheduled to be discharged to rehab on Jan. 3rd. On December 30th he had trouble breathing, had another heart attack and was put back on the vent. By this time he had been transferred out of ICU into a regular room (which I had a big fight with the hospital) but they said he didn't need ICU anymore and insurance wouldn't pay. Then on Jan.5th he developed flash pulmonary edema and his kidneys stoppred functioning. The doctors said that he had a small chance of survival and my children and I decided to take him off the vent. He lived for two more days. The guilt I feel is so intense that it really hurts my heart. Everyone tells me I did what he would have wanted because he would not have wanted to live in a wheelchair, on a feeding tube and posssibly on a vent the rest of his life and his heart was only working at 15%. I know all this in my head but it has not reached my heart yet. After 5 months I am still very much in denial that he is gone. Sheryl