It seems like your mother was never acknowledged as a child or maybe her expectations of life had been skewed during her upbringing. As for you, you need to be acknowledged too. I don't think facing your mother head on will get you or her anywhere even though it seems like you want closure and reconciliation. If you really do want to connect with your mother I suggest you do it either by mail or email. The hard part is how to get her to interact but the easy part is to call her out on her emotions. I would write her a letter and tell her that she has nowhere to hide because you know that she is angry, bitter, etc - you just don't know why. The more you call her out on her emotions without trying to tell her why you think she's like that and without trying to sympathize with her, in fact being neutral, the more likely it will be that eventually she will probably crack just enough to where she may reveal something that she's holding in, something that triggers all her resentment and judging personality. The worst thing though is to try to reconcile with her in person.