lost12201975

Our son is almost an exact replica of him. He has so many of his good traits and characteristics. So in a way he is still here. The toughest part of it all is when the kids have their days and their upset and missing their dad. It leaves me helpless because I know its something that I cant fix. Its a pain I can never relieve for them. But i do my best to cheer them up and keep a positive memory alive for them. Kids are much stronger than we think. They helped me get through this more than I could help myself.

We were seperated for a few years before I remarried. And we remained really good friends and co-parents to our children. So watching him destroy his self year after year was heart wrenching. A few people have told me me to be grateful that he is in a better place somewhere he isnt suffering. Someday I hope to be able to accept that. But for now the selfish part of me wold just like to see him here alive and well. He is going to miss the birthday parties,our kids graduations, weddings, when they have kids.... The better place should be here

Thank you <3

Thank you so much . Its been a rougher day than usual so that means alot to me.

My exhusband and I were married for 6 years we met when I was 19 and he was 21. Our marraige was a rocky one to say the least but none the less I considered him my friend. Prior to meeting him he had spent half his life battling inner demons that helped fuled his alcholism and other addictions. before our divorce we had 2 children together and he also helped me raise my 2 yeard old son. Our divorce wasnt an easy situation for either of us. But due to the abuse and addictions it was the only solution especially for the well being of our children. Its been at least 10 years since the divorce and through out those years he sank deeper in to his alchoholism. I always tried to be there for him as a friend but couldnt reach him. A year before his death he was hospitalized for pancreatitis, he had multiple surgeries and we thought he wasnt going to make it. it was very traumatizing for his kids as well as myself. He was given another chance at life he recovered. He was given a strong warning my doctors that if he drank again he would surely die due to the internal damage already caused due to his drinking. 11 Months later he was found in his home dead. it was 10 days before anyone found him.he drank himself to death. To date it has been about 9 months since his passing and it still hurts like as if he passed yesturday. 3 years ago i remarried and have a beautiful life that I wouldnt trade for anything but still I carry a saddness that cant be eased by anything. My heart hurts to put it simple. never imagined I would carry such a pain like this. i feel like its always going to be like this. I never want to forget him or act as if nothings happened and move on but its almost too much to bare. It saddens me to know that he just gave up and let his addiction get the best of him when he had so much to live for. And I cant help but think what if? i have so many what ifs... But in the end it all comes down to everything happens in gods times and for gods reason. I just wish I knew why. But even if I was given the answer would i accept it? Sorry for going on and on. Ive held all this in for so long... bottom line... This hurts