Dear Caitlyn,
I wanted to reply to your story here because it's similar to mine. I'm also 22 and I lost my 20-year old brother suddenly 2 months ago, on May 14, 2012. He was athletic, always working out at the gym or training for kickboxing, which was his passion. He was studying to be a doctor. He had a really bright future and he seemed invincible - tall, muscular, handsome, confident. We also don't know why he died, but it seems most likely that it was a heart problem as well - probably his heart just stopped. It's really hard to understand. Actually it's impossible to understand. Everything we've been taught - people die at an old age, if you look after yourself you'll live for a long time, people younger than us don't die - has totally been disproved. I know how you feel about people not being supportive - I feel like I've lost/let go of most of my friends because they didn't offer me any support at all. They're living in a different world. It sounds like it's also hard that your family is having trouble sharing the experience. Maybe that will change.
I wanted to share with you something that's helped me so far - reading. I've been reading a lot of grief books about how other people got through. It's like having supportive friends, even though you've never met them and don't talk directly. One thing that helped me that I read recently was that grief will change each year, but you should expect for it to still be a really big part of your life for at least 3 years. In other words, it's not a race to 'get over it', or get back to 'normal'. And also that the grief will stay with you your whole life, and we will be changed, like you said about your mum, but in time the grief will change too.
The other thing I liked was listening to an interview with a woman who lost her 27 year old brother when she was 23. Maybe you would like to listen to it - http://www.thedrpatshow.com/shows/drp-080911-noel.mp3
And so she was asked 'have you let go of what happened?' and she said that the only thing she has 'let go' of is the relationship she had with him back then, when he was in her life, but that she will never let go of who he was to her and who he still is. He is a part of her, always on her side, always with her. So maybe one day we'll be able to feel our brothers with us in that way, in a different form and space to how they were before.
Sending you a big hug
Jess
