hockeymom

You absolutely should still celebrate. On my grandmother's first birthday without her here we all wrote her individual notes. We tied them to balloons and found the highest spot we could and let them go. There was a break in the clouds where the light was shining down and my son said to me the mailman reached down through the clouds to take them to Gee Gee.

I know all to well how in times of need those that are there for you and then they can't be found. Unfortunately, times like this is when you find out who your friends are and who they aren't.

Again, you are so very strong. I am so sorry for what you continue to go through but know that you have a great deal of support here!

Oh the WE part is so true, KayC. You have to set your own timetable because ultimately, you are in control of your own happiness. Depending on someone else to be 'it' for you doesn't work. Don't put your own life on hold, your own happiness to wait around for someone that doesn't have a vested interest in you. I have lost several friendships in the past year, am grieving for them, but also realize that I am tired of being the one that does the right thing, is always there, steps up to the plate but I don't get the same in return. So all set with that. Going to spend my time and my energy with those that bring value to my life. Screw the rest.

Oh Shannon - I am so very sorry for your loss! I do believe that we are reunited with our loved ones eventually and that there is more out there. My suggestion to you as I have purchased many for grieving gifts - there are many sites out there that sell cremation jewelry that will hold a small pinch of your Leo's ashes. It's a way for you to have him with you all the time and my experience has shown that it goes a long way in helping ease the pain. I have a small angel that hangs in my car that is filled with some of my grandparents ashes and I treasure it. I looked online where I have shopped and saw the cancer ribbon pendant and it made me think of you. I know there are several companies out there. Again, my most heartfelt condolences for your loss!

keep fighting the good fight darling! Sending you hugs!

It's funny - I was talking today to a friend who recently lost her one and a half year old and she said that she wishes all would just leave her alone and stop asking her if she's okay - as if she could be okay. I told her that the wishes, the thoughts are well meaning and come from a place of others not knowing the right thing TO say. I can't imagine. I do know that everyone grieves differently and you can't put yourself on a time frame to feel certain things at certain points in time.

I personally am a big believer after receiving as a gift myself in cremation jewelry as a gift to a loved one or yourself for the holidays. It made all the difference in the world and I wear my keepsake ALL THE TIME! I received the endless love but I know the company has literally hundreds. I have since ordered gifts for others and in fact am doing so this Christmas for my brother in law and his wife that had to put down their beloved Elvis a month ago. Hope this helps! endless love memorial pendant

What a wonderful way to celebrate a life and a love! Well done!

I had to leave when my grandmother was dying to come back to my family across the US. I wasn't able to be there when she passed and had to say my good-byes before anyone else. I suffered a lot of guilt over that, a lot of pain but came to the realization that things work out the way they are meant to. You need to feel good in your own heart and resolve in your own heart the good-bye. Being there emotionally is much different than being there physically and what matters most in my eyes.

Excellent advice from KayC. It is important to have an outlet for the grief and a place to go that brings you comfort. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!

The loss of a twin I think is so different than the loss of a sibling. I know several twins and the bond that they share goes beyond just being a sibling. I am so sorry for your loss and hope that time starts to heal. You're not crazy - simply grief stricken and I'm so glad that you've sought out counseling.

Oh honey - I am so very sorry! What a tragedy and moving forward from something such as this is incredbily hard. It may do you some good at some point to start being in contact with others. Have you thought about counseling or therapy? Even some of the online chat rooms can be incredibly helpful. There is nothing worse in my eyes than a parent losing a child. That's not the way it's meant to be.

I don't think we ever fully recover from the loss of a parent that we are particulary close to. I know it's hard and those anniversary dates hurt. I hope that things are better with the therapist and I appreciate your honesty with the situation. Hoping things are turning around for you! ((hugs))

Oh honey - I am so sorry. Unfortunately, we all grieve differently and it just takes time. There's no easy or fast cure for getting over a loved one. Small steps in moving forward and find ways to remember her. I always suggest that those that have lost someone they love to read The Shack. It helped me with the loss of my grandmother five years later. I still miss her but I feel a little more at peace.

All good here - I try to roll with the punches and do the best I can every day. It's a process. You find the moments like you did where the reality of the situation punches you in the guts, you get out the anger and frustration and then you pick yourself back up by the bootstraps and pray for a good day tomorrow.

A couple of things Hope. ONe, try not to isolate yourself if at all possible. Whether it's getting on the forum, calling your grief counselor, writing down your thoughts, getting a new hobby - try to find a way to simply just be. You will never forget your son, you will never be the same. That doesn't mean you stop living because you count as well and your son would want that. Two, have you thought of ways to memorialize him? I have bought as grieving gifts as well as to commemorate the loss of my own grandmother and everyone that I have purchased for has said that it has helped tremendously to have a part of their loved one with them. There are many companies out there, I've used this one on a couple of occasions but if you can afford it and with the holidays coming, might be a nice gift to honor your son and heal your heart. I did a search for 'son' and this is what it came up with. son memorial jewelry And send in that appeal!!!

Hi Cindy. Hope today is one of the good days. Funny thing about dreams - can be a double edged sword. At times the realness of the dreams makes for hope until the reality of waking up sets in. Maybe take them as a sign that your husband is letting you know he misses you and he loves you and he looks forward to when you are 'back together'. Sending hugs!!

Without question, honey. There are times I'm sure it's like getting hit by a ton of bricks and other times when you feel some semblence of normalcy. Take the good moments for what they are and the bad as well and know that down the road it will get a little less painful. Sending you hugs!!

KayC is so very right. There is no right or wrong when it comes to grieving a loss. And everyone grieves differently. You will be changed, a different you, for the rest of your life. Doesn't mean that you won't be able to go on but it is different. I am so incredibly sorry for the loss of your son and hope that there comes a time when you can move forward in baby steps.

We are all here for a reason in my eyes and when it's our time, it our time. I think with all the loss you've experienced it's a good time to reevaluate - are you getting all you can out of your own life? Life is so short, so precious, so much worth living. I preach to my kids all the time - when you lay your head down at night are you secure in your heart that you lived today to the fullest, that you gave all you could to the people in it? I am so very sorry for your loss and I know it's not easy to find the why, the lesson. I assure you, though, it is there. ((hugs))

I had a grandmother that I lost five years ago and she was my 'one'. I would tell her everything and she never judged, always understood. I wish I could say that it gets easier - maybe a little but you lose a small part of yourself. In the past five years I have reexamined a lot about my life and the people that are in my inner circle. I lost my two closest friends at the same time I lost my grandmother, all within a four month time period. However I have real friends, better friends, SOLID friends now. I still don't have that one person I can tell anything to but that's okay. It's amazing to thing that even at my age (in my forties) I'm still learning about what it is to be a friend and how many simply don't know how or want to. You will get through all of this okay and learn a lot about yourself during the grief. In the end, you will be stronger for it. ((hugs))

Oh Cindy.... I am so very sorry. There's no quick or easy way or path but know that with time it will get easier. Do what you can and don't do what you can't. Everyone grieves differently and the cycle of grief is different for everyone. Wishing you some comfort and so very sorry for your loss.

JMiller, I can't begin to imagine the heartache and how you grasp the situation at hand. You obviously loved her dearly and to treat you and your son in such a cruel manner is terrible. I think gtting a new dog is a great idea and fully support it being something tht you and your son do together. Glad that you are seeking counseling and I would hedge my bets that with time it will help. Sending hugs your way!

Abusive relationships are very hard. I haven't spoken to my birth father in well over ten years and don't forsee that changing. Ever. And I am completely at peace with my decision. I admire the strength that you ladies show and that you so willingly pass on to others. It is because of forums such as these that people can find an annonymous place to go to get some help, some insight, simply get things off their chest that eases the grief. Well done!