Hi everyone,
I am new here and recently found this site doing a basic search. None of my family or friends have much to say about my situation or relate to me. I was surprised many people have gone through what I have been going through. I have read through most of the posts and I feel for all going through the same. I can't believe I am not alone.
My ex-boyfriend's father died last year. We were together until June of this year. I thought he was coping well with the death of his father as after his father died he continued to act normal and continue with his daily activities. He was 22 at the time of his father's death and his father died days before his college graduation. It was hard and I did everything I believe I could have done to be supportive. Months after his father's death he did start to change. We split in January of this year (my choice) as I felt he wasn't caring enough to me. I understand now that I was being selfish. We got back together for a short period and he eventually broke up with me. He said it wasn't that he didn't love me, but that he doesn't feel things anymore and that his father's death changed him. He feels that because of what he is going through that he can't be a good boyfriend and that he would be leading me on. I accepted this. I didn't go back to him. I felt like I was ready to move on. I knew right after his father's death that our relationship could not last, but I hoped it would. However he still wanted to be friends and I didn't. I was doing well. I started moving on...
And then he kept popping back into my life. He randomly shows up to my house saying he happened to be in the area with his laptop and asked to use my internet. This upset me as I didn't want him there and found this so odd. He never ever showed up unannounced at my place. Days later his mother comes over and eventually talked about her husband's death and how they have no family. We were together for about 6 years when his father died. My family is pretty much the closest they have to an extended family. But now I find it hard to deal with as we are no longer together. His mother hopes that we will eventually get back together.
After his mother's visit, I called him to tell him I am never looking back to the past and I wanted to move on from him. After the breakup he continued to call me. I told him never to contact me again or show up to my house. He was really upset at this. I couldn't understand why, as he broke up with my in the first place. Then his father's birthday came up in early August. His mother asked if we could come over to visit his parents house (which is 2 hours away from me) during that weekend but we didn't go. I had a change of heart and contacted my exboyfriend apologizing for cutting him off.
I understand I made so many mistakes and that I have been selfish and not understanding. I know I can't understand what he is going through. Here is what I would like advice for. I still have feelings for him and I think he has some for me. I am going through a stressful time as I feel like I am stuck. I was ready to move on at some point but I can't turn my back on the person I did love. I realize he is still going through the grieving process. Yet he doesn't want a relationship with me and I don't want to be just friends. It is hard. I want to be there for him if I am his girlfriend but I kind of don't if I am not. I don't want a friendship. What can I do for him? It hurts me hanging out with him, talking, and being his friend. Will being his friend help him and eventually want a relationship with me again? Or am I wasting my time? How can I be supportive, while taking care of my own emotions/well-being?
Thank you all
Joy
