Jmiller

Mary, i am so sorry and thank you. It has been rough to say the least. I have been searching for a new dog for my little guy. i got out of the house on Saturday and went to my cousins house for a birthday party i declined at first, but I have been declining all kinds of functions as we were to be doing them together. I went. I got home went to bed around midnight on Saturday bad dreams kept waking me up. I got up and felt like crude with a stomach ache from all the worrying and realized it was 230pm i stayed in bed and on the couch the whole day. this morning is the first time since Saturday evening i was up and now at work. mind races, no hunger and basically on and off with crying most of yesterday. My son comes home on Wednesday so I need to get my act together before he comes home and we need to be normal if you will and continue the scheduled stuff we did together. Be the way we were prior to her being in the picture, which we were pretty happy with. just was awesome having the complete package of all of us. one step at a time I have made an appointment for counseling on Tuesday to talk. This is the hardest thing i have ever done or had to deal with. I know I did nothing wrong and this is a grieving process for her and she will change and things will be different, I just thought we were stronger than this, but I never lost a child to know what the frame of mind and the process of her thinking is.

Update for everyone. I arrived home yesterday after 2 weeks and found a package in my mail box. It was from her. she took the candy bars etcI sent and returned the money no letter no nothing. I walked in the door and she called. I answered asked her how she was and she said making it a day at a time. She seemed cold. she then said she did not love me anymore and that she does not have room in her life or in her heart for me and my son. She also said she was going to keep the dog and she was not going to return.. in shock is all i can say so I had to tell her I am sorry for all she is going through and i wish i could be there, but she has made it clear we are not needed so i said good bye. The most painful thing for me to ever do... stunned and beside my self at the moment.

Thank you and I agree with you totally. It is hard and not knowing if she is gone for good or be back. hurts not knowing and being left in the dark. I appreciate your input and it means the world to me and my son.

I am sorry to hear that. I truely am. that has to be hard I have had a rough few days my son woke up around 3am asking to have drake his dog home and my fiance he misses her. i settled him and tried to explain things to him the best i could. i seen on facebook she has been at some friends huses hanging with them drinking and having some good times from the postings ,but nothing to me or calls or texts letting me know she is ok etc.. a posting of lets all get togther and where do you live and she posted cheboygan, which is 5 hours from here and is where she was selling her house. not our address down here. I was shocked, scared and I am lost! this seems worse than I thought I know there is greiving playing into this but I have a son that has grown close to her and bonded and now she isnt here.

Thank you. One day at a time. Easier said than done.I need to be patient and help her where she needs. She is our world and I am here not going any where. Will do what is needed for her at the drop of a hat... I will wait for her call and we will see what happens.

Thank you both for your replies and your supporting words. I am struggling. I try and keep reminding my self she is struggling with something horrible and a lose i cannot image. I lost my brotyher, but this is a different lose and one i cant understand in ways, but as you have said she may keep others close and be distant. i see the postings of her daughter and loving words nothnig deep and conversational. My ex wife who is great said that my Fiance has been sending pictures of drake the dog every coulple days for my son. She told him its his dog and he is fixed on that. It is hurtful, but I havent crossed the line of telling her or even reaching out to her. I have been giving her space as she needs, but the nights and days pass on with out a call or a text saying i love you or need you to lean on.... it is hurtful and scary. Yes my son has been quiet and got upset during his prayers asking if she will come back with his dog. I keep him very busy and when he goes to be and is asleep i cry my self to sleep. I pace the house when he is out side playing with the other kids. I take him out and he has fun but I have this pain in my gut and all I can do is think of her. Staring at the couch, sleeping on her side of the bed , constantly going through to see what she took and what she left and hoping those were signs she was returning....its horrible. It is now monday she has been gone since the 6th. My son goes back to his moms on wednesday and thats when the house will get quieter.... maybe the package wont come back till he is gone so when i lose it and cry he wont see it. or I keep working my self up to it and it isnt coming back. Im sorry if I seem like a baby or like my feelings even compare to what she is going though.. im trying to understand from being next to her as she greived day to day and helping her where i can to being told i love you sweetie and three hours later gone. This grief has been painful for her and this was the other shoe. I will try to get a book to read on this. I just hope I hear something from her. we miss her and love her...... The package i sent last week has not come back with the money for gas and food and the snickers bars lol.. so that is a sign in a way i guess. But i wont lie I keep going to the house and looknig on the porch for a package that has been returned. I dont think it will but Im praying that it helps and she knows we are here. I jump everytime the phone rings, or a text comes in.

Hello everyone and I am fairly new. My Finance lost her 20 year old daughter in May from complications from her double lung transplant the year prior due to Cystic Fibrosis. She went off with out me when her daughter passed to grieve and deal with family as they have been through all of this for years. It was tough her being gone for the month or so as I wanted to help comfort her. She said she would need me here at home when she got done to be there for her. Since that time she has many bad days grieving over her daughter. She spends allot of time with my 6 year old son helping get him to school or you name it. she is with him 24x7 at times she loves him allot. She counts the days of chelsea passing and has said that when chelsea husband dies it will be like living chelsea death over again and even more so as the last person connected to her daughter would now be gone. August 26th was her daughters 1st year wedding anniversary. My Finance had a hard time with it then September 4th came around which marked her daughters day of death and she puts a mask on I could tell.. When we go to bed she hasn't been holding my hand as of late she is is hurting all over headaches dizzy at times smiles says she loves me , but she is just having a hard time with missing her daughter. if i make certain meals she gets upset as they where her daughters favorite. We bought my son a dog a few weeks ago and she took the dog on as her main mission to train . Past couple weeks she has been still quiet. we plan our weekends, play games with my son, dinners, working on house etc. She has all these changes we need or would like at the house. we have completed alot of them over the past few weeks. Wednesday morning she helped me get ready talked to me about some ideas in the kitchen and ideas for halloween. Wednesday at 1145 she sent me a text saying I love you sweetie xxooo. she texted she was laying food out for dinner tonight for us. i called her twice after lunch and no answer. figured she was with the new dog or in the shower. 300 rolled around and i got home to see her car was gone some items were gone, and her cloths majority were gone all pictures of her daughter and toiletries etc. she left behind some boxes in the basement wall items vases and other stuff she loves and spent allot of money on. The dog and his bones and one dish was gone. there was a letter on the island said I cannot pretend to be happy anymore and i need to heal my broken heart i miss my daughter Im Sorry. I found out the next morning that her daughters husband passed that morning, so my fiance must of gotten a call on his condition and was told he was going to pass so she got upset and fled . I have not heard from her and I need to give her space to grieve. She made it clear to me before to allow her space and don't think she is mad at me or that she doesn't love me we have our whole life together and she needs time to fix her heart. she also would say that she wants to run off and curl up in a box and just cry.... My sons mother called and said that the day my fiance left she sat my son down and said she was going away to see her daughter and fix her heart and she was taking his dog and that the dog was still his. I know late at night diet pepsi and snickers are her thing when she gets down. So i haven't tried to call her or text and wanted to give her space to try and deal with her pain and hurt as thats how she delt with it last time. So instead I mailed her some snickers bars she favors when in these moods and some money for gas food etc. i also included a letter letting her know that we love her and i am not going any where and I am committed to her and i will hold the fort down and take care of my son, keep her side of the bed warm and will not text or call her and that she can when she is ready to come home or talk. so far the package has not come back and I keep waiting everyday for it to be returned. .. insecurity on my side. On her face book every now and then she post a new photo of her daughter and her husband and it says i cant believe you both are gone or this is the darkest day of my life and that is about it. Her fb is all about her daughter and then I noticed that she hide or removed our relationship status. Part of grieving? I don't know.. This isn't about me and it is about her and her loss, but it has now been a week since she left. Gone for good? i don't know,on a break for a few weeks or months i still don't know she loves us and misses us still don't know. I know her daughters bday is coming up October 15th and this will be another set back for her. I cannot help etc I am struggling. is this normal or common in grieving I lost a brother to suicide 14 years ago , but i never lost a child so I have no idea what she is going through. An advice from anyone would be helpful on how to handle or remain calm or should I be worried and that she isn't returning.