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gabrielle_land

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About gabrielle_land

  • Birthday 05/25/1983

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    gaby@fromru.com
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  • ICQ
    269-491-203

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  • Interests
    Read, Draw, Architecture

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  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    "NA"
  1. Kayc I keep you in my prayers, this must be very hard for you to do. Just the thought of going to the hospital where Chris passed away makes me want to cry. You are brave in deciding to go and be with your friend to support her in this hard moment, my heart goes with you and your friend. Many blessings, let us know how it went ok, Gaby
  2. Lisa Ann, First of all I want to tell you how sorry I am that you have to go through this. Losing your other half, as Stallyn mentioned is something so hard to deal with that only the Lord and those who have been through it know how difficult it is to wake up every morning and remember how things have turned out to be. Your loss is so recent that you don't have to force yourself to feel better, many people say "are you feeling better" when just a couple of days have passed by, and people do expect you to feel better after some time, but everybody has their own timing, give youself the chance to grief and cry. Don't repress yourself, having positive thoughts is a good idea, which can work out eventually, but your loss is so fresh that you don't need to force yourself that much. Please be gentle to yourself, after some time you will be able to live with this new life, that is what makes it "get better". It will be 11 months for me in a week, and I can tell you I feel better than the first month. Those first months were the worst months of my life, I felt as if I was been left in the middle of nowhere, and I wouldn't be able to survive, but as impossible as it may seem for all of us here, we have done it, baby steps, but we have eventually learned to live with it. Now though the circumstances aren't of any good I'm glad you joined this site, feel free to post anytime, you have found the nicest people, and very important, caring people who know what you are going through. Take care Ann, many blessings to you, Gaby
  3. Hi Jenn I can relate to what you are feeling. I have been trying to start a "normal" life here. At my age (23) still most of my friends are single, most of them go dating or clubbing almost every weekend, and though I guess it's good to be around friends, clubs aren't exactly the place to fill the loneliness I feel. Besides it's not the right place to meet people, since, If I can say it this way, people are there in just another frequency. Most of the people around me are all just trying to have fun,and since I lost Chris I see things differently as they do. I haven't made much friends, but the few I have made are very spiritual and understanding people, which has helped me. I joined an online site called catholicmatch.com for a month or so and made some acquaintances, religious people who have always very comforting words. I think I'm having a spiritual need right now, which so far I feel it calms my loneliness and sadness, and maybe eventually find somebody who understands me and helps me grow spiritually. Blessings, Gaby
  4. Happy Birthday Lori! I hope u have a nice day, I think too your mom is with you in spirit. Take care, Gaby
  5. Annie, what a wonderful subject to bring up! I think too your mom was wonderful and so much fun, and as for Jason, Charlie and George, remarkable husbands, thanks for sharing with us those beautiful moments, your comments brought a smile on my face. It's been a while since the last time I described how Christophe was. He had one of the purest giving hearts I have known, he was a sensitive man who loved to help others. His favorite sport was ping pong, he loved that game and was one of the things that would bring him alot of joy, spending days after work in ping pong practice, or tournaments. Since I met him I knew I would never meet somebody like him, he loved me so much. He was always joking, always positive, looking the bright side even if it seemed there wasnt. I admired him professionally, and I used to tell him I would like to be someday as good as he was, and he would just smile at me and say he knew I would someday be much better than him. He called me "little bunny" and I loved it because it sounded really tender. I miss looking at him, I could stare at him for hours and hours, for me he looked like an angel. A friend of mine would describe his eyes as "dreamy eyes" and I think it suited him well. He was a super fan of Willie E. Coyote, the one that chases the Beep Beep roadrunner, He collected things related to it, just like a little kid, and he kept a yellow bunny with him since he was 4 years old. He collected stones too. He had a beautiful blonde hair, which he didn't cut much because he knew I loved it. He was a cat lover too, we would talk about how many cats we would have once we would marry, I wasn't too fond of them, but he made me love them. He brought in my life the biggest happiness I could ever feel, life will never be the same without him, I miss him terribly much.
  6. Andrea, I'm sorry u are going through one of those days. I know what you mean about getting mad at God, that is normal, Im a religious person, and that didn't made myself an exception since it's something we will never understand. Give yourself time, it's ok to feel that way about God since you are going through so pain, it's ok, God understands. Today is my 8 months mark and in days like today I ask God why, I feel like breaking apart all over again, but I know if it wasnt for Him I wouldn't be able to stand so much pain. If you feel like crying then cry, or scream, get mad, you are in all your right to feel so. I wish tomorrow may be a better day for you. Blessings, take care, Gaby
  7. Hello Kelly, I'm sorry you have to see you are having so difficult times now that the year mark is close, and with obvious reasons, I still can't imagine how it will be when that date is near, it scares me just to think of it. I hope that you aren't called to court on March 5th, I'm wth you in your pain, and I understand how difficult it will be for you. I have rediscovered my spiritual and I think too that wouldn't have done it ths far without it. I understand what you say about wondering where Josh's soul is, or if he's ok. I ask myself daily the same questions about Christophe, and that's the main reason of all my prayers. I just want to share something with you and the rest,something I was told by a friend once I he saw me crying because I was worried for Christophe's soul. All we want to know is that where ever our loved ones are, they are fine and filled with peace, he said to me "You love him and you want just the best for him where ever he is, but remember that though your love for him is inmense, God's love for him is even more." I try to remember that everytime I worry, I want to share this with you so you think about it and remember too that Josh is now in the best hands he could ever be. Take care kelly and I keep you in my thoughts and prayers, Gaby
  8. I understand what you are talking about, I have thought about my death more than I could have done before, and Im filled with fears, but most of all fears related with death of those around me. The first 4 months after my boyfriend died I was scared of death so much, not just about me but my family or close friends. I remember when they talked about a cousin who has alcoholic problems they would all speak normally about the subject, but I just had to leave cause I was bursting into tears just fearing in any moment she could pass away, it is like a phobia.. or when my little cousin fell from a branch while playing as most kids do, I went nuts, and again started crying thinking he could pass away too. I wonder about death alot, who will be next, and how. Im scared of a painful death, i think about it constantly and I really wish it may not be that way...
  9. My angel keeps on sleeping, my love sleeps so peacefully. He rests on a beautiful green meadow, so high I cannot reach, but I understand, he's alright, my beautiful angel sleeps. How lovely must my baby look, just resting there while he deeply sleeps. I miss his eyes made of sky, I cannot see them anymore, he's so high on that green meadow where only angels can be. My baby left his dreams with me, so while he sleeps I dream for him, I gave him my heart so my love could warm him through cold nights, I miss him so much, but I know he's alright, sleeping around angels just like him. I caress his sleep with thousands of "I love yous", and his soul with my daily prayers. My angel sleeps, and I patiently wait. I miss him so much though, that it feels sometimes so hard to bear, but I understand that he's alright, he is in a much better place, deeply sleeping around angels just like him. Gaby
  10. Thank you all for your posts. I actually have a journal were I used to write frequently about how I feel and just let my feelings flow, but for some reason I just let it behing, but I think it was a good therapy so I'll start with it again, and start a dream journal too. I think my body/mind is trying to tell me something, maybe I'm suppressing my feelings due to all the chores, studies, etc. I knew I wasn't the only one having this nightmares, I guess it's part of the stages in which we are going through... I was thinking about what Chrissy said, when will we be able to realize they aren't coming back, I think part of me hasn't yet accepted the truth, I don't know if by this time I should have had... and that struggling inside of me is what is bothering in my sleep. Well, take care all of you, lots of love, Gaby
  11. ellejaye, I'm very sorry for your loss, and though we wished not to be part of a group like this one, you are very welcomed, and I hope it may help you somehow to "speak" about your feelings and about what you have been through, I can tell you it has helped me alot through the process of mourning. I think you have chosen a good place. I can somehow relate to your situation since its been almost 8 months from me, it was all too sudden too and I have felt at some point I am too young to have this kind of conversations as well (I'm 23), no friends of mine can fully understand what losing the love of your life is. I think that we can't be what we used to be before, as you just mentioned, my simple anwer to that is because we arent complete anymore, and nothing can be the same as it used to be, but we have to adapt to what life seems to be now. I feel just the same as you do when you said, and I will quote "... especially looked up to him and admired him a lot. He made me better than what I really am." I understand you, and I'm sure the rest of the people who join the forum understand you very well. We are going through the same kind of loss, different age range, some have their lost still so recent and others have been mourning for more time, but all those feelings and thoughts are familiar to all. I have learned here there isn't a "proper" stage of grieving since we all react differntly, some may heal at a slow pace compared to others, but that's the point, not to compare yourself to others, or any healing pattern that others may tell you, you need time, so take all the time you need without rushing. As far as I could read you were blessed with two boys, I admire the fact of being a mom and a good mom through this so difficult moments. People around much of teh times don't say the right things, but remember they don't really know what you are going through, just try not to give any importance to them. I here "stop living in the past" many times, probably this is the one comment I hate the most... I wish they all could see he is not "the past", but still part of my life, and I wish I could have the answer to all of your questions concerning to how long will it last, or what's next, but remember you have found a place where people know what you are going through, nobody will judge the way you feel, and there's many supportive people who are willing to "listen" to you anytime. Please try to be gentle with yourself. I hope any of my words may be of some support to you. Take care of yourself, Gaby
  12. KayC, Thanks for your valentine wishes ! You are always so supportive, thank you, blessings, Gaby
  13. Hello Chrissy Im very glad you are feeling better, you are a great woman, and a strong one, today I was having dinner as I heard a lady that said "Difficult tests in life just happen to strong people" I think she was right in some way, and I remember that just now that I read your post. You are strong Chrissy and a huge example. I agree in that Jason would be so proud of you, and he could have never chosen a best mom for his son than he did. Take care sweetie, Have a nice weekend. Gaby
  14. Hi everybody, I haven't been around for some time. Uni has kept me very busy lately. I guess it is a good think somehow. Valentines day just passed and just made things so awkward, sad and nostalgic. I have spent my time reading letters from Chris, I have spent time missing him ass always. For some reason I haven't been able to sleep god enough since like a month ago or probably a little more. I have nightmares. It's weird I havent had this kind of dreams before until now, and they are very constant. I dream I'm looking for him, desperately looking for him, and I have no idea he has passed away, until a friend or somebody around stops by and "reminds me" of the truth, and as if I listen to it for the first time I cry like a baby, and that's how my days begin, with the saddest moment of my life repeating all over again. As I type this I cry, almost 8 months have passed by and still the pain is so fresh, and love is still so fresh too..I'm stil so in love. Well, I guess you all understand what I'm feeling, and valentines day makes us all even more sensitive. Well, thanks for reading, hugs to everybody and many blessings, Gaby
  15. Chrissy, It's been six months for me last 23rd, it has indeed very hard and the 5th month as well. I have the most wonderful memories of him from Christmas, its really confusing and at the same time so sad knowing I wont have more memories of him anymore rather than the once I keep. Those christmas memories seem as if it was just a couple of weeks ago when I saw him looking so charming. I think in the 5th month I started getting into a big deppresion since he passed away. I still have very fresh memories, and I sometimes go over again through some good moments we had... and of course the "what if" or how it would be if I had him here again.. I feel just the same, I miss him very very much.
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