lorikelly

Shelley I have not posted in a long time but I really understand about missing your mom. My mom will be gone 4 yrs on July 3rd and i still say i can't beieve it has been this long since i have her face, kissed her or heard her voice. I go to sleep at night and put thoughts of her in my head so i can dream of her. Some days the pain feels like it just happened and then other day i can walk this journey and feel ok. I think the missing never goes away we love them so much and for so long that it would be impossible for us to forget. Take a day at a time, each day will bring a little more healing to your heart. Lori

thank you so much. i am hoping that God will help me find away. Right now i am going through the grief and this journey as we all know is so hard. I am taking one day at a time.

Hello I have not been on in a long time. i first started coming here when i lost my mom on July 3rd, 2006. I just found out my brother died. We have not spoken since my mom passed. I had wrote a long post about my family and how we don't speak when i was grieving my mom. My brother died 1yr ago and i just found out from someone. I feel so sad and the pain of the grief is so overwhelming. i am afraid to feel that way again. he did not want me to know he was dying or to come see him . I just can't believe he left this world with so much anger towards me. I gave up my anger, forgave him and continued to pray for him everyday and hoped one day we would be a family again. Now that will never happen. i can't change what has happened but i am not sure how to go on from here. I have 3 other siblings and none of us speak . I want to some how reach out to them so that this does not happen again. Even if they don't want a relationship i think i need to let them know how i feel. they don't even talk amongst themselves. My heart is broken and I don't want to be on this journey again. The pain is to great. Thanks for listening. Lori

Maylissa i am so sorry for what you are going through. i don't have any answers i just can't believe it. my thoughts are with you. lori

Oh Teny, i am so sorry that you were not able to find some comfort there. it sounds like a beautiful place. You have to remenber he is always with you where ever you go. i wish i could take your pain away, i can feel it in your words. all my love lori

Derek That is great. i know how hard that was for you. lori

Teny I hope you are feeling better from the pneumonia. You have to keep on fighting , you are meant to be here for your friends and children. i know it is hard to see that but you have a purpose and plan and thats why you are still here. take one moment at a time and keep going, we are all here for you. lori

Wilma i believe you did what was best for your mom, she wasn't mad at you just confused . my mom was home with me and then she went into the hospital then hospice and died 5 weeks later for so long i blamed myself. i thought if i had done a better job and she stayed home she would of lived. i have to come to realize (after many hours of therapy, sleepless nights and tears) that i could not have prevented her death. only God can control that. my heart goes out to you b/c i remenber that feeling and somedays i still beat myself up about it. take one day at a time and remenber that your mom loved you and was thankful that you helped her. lori

i agree i say that time was my black hole, i could barely crawl out of it. i thought i was never going to survive. that pain was the worst. lori

I am not looking forward to it this yr. for some reason it feels harder then last. i have my own boys which will help me alot but i just want my mom. i love you mom forever. lori

My mom will be gone 20mos this may 6th and i was just saying the other night that it has been that long since i have seen her. mothers day feels like it will be even harder this yr then last. i think last yr people realized it was my first without her but now noone even asks or cares. i just can't believe it has been that long. i wait to see her again. lori

I went to your website and read everything. i cried the entire time. what a wonderful human being you are and jack also . through your writing i can feel the love that the two of you shared. you have touched my soul. i will order the book . thank you for sharing your journey with all of us. God Bless Lori

Where do i get the book? i would love to read it. lori

Shelly I think depression is different in everyone and how it effects there lives. i was on meds and did get off but that is not for everyone. i think if yu need the meds stay on them, there is nothing wrong with needing help. if you were diabetic or had a heart condition you would take them. talk your doctor and hopefully he is supportive and listens. lori

Sorry you are having such a miserable day, i can understand about some days being better then others. for me it has been 21 mos and still can go through the should of's , could of's , i have to tell myself to stop and move on to something else. sometimes this is easier then others. i am not sure when it really stops or if it ever does. i just take one day at a time, still and go from there. i hope tomorrow will bring a little bit of peace for you. lori

Make sure you take pictures and post them so we can all feel part of it. i hope you all have a wonderful time. lori

Oh i am so sorrry. i thoughts and prayer go out to you. it must be so hard for you right now. keep coming here and writing , it does help so much. lori

i never thought you could be asked to leave a support group. what could the reasons be?? it doesn't seem to make sense. lori

I have severe panic attacks and anxiety. i had to start meds to control them, help me eat and sleep. it was one pill so it took of all of it. i took a very low dose and it helped. i was unable to eat and lost so much wt that it became medically necessary for me to take the meds. i jus could not put food in my mouth. i also was having panic attacks where my legs would shake for hours and i could not settle down. i finally am off the meds but i do believe that the meds with good one on one therapy saved my life. lori

I look back now and wonde how i even functioned. i would go to work but i know now that i was not really there. i remenber laying on my bed for 4 hrs just staring at the ceiling. i say by the grace of God i got i survived. i was just exsisting not living for so many months. i then had to make a decision to want to live and go on for my husband and my boys. i finally gave in and took a antidepressant for the anxiety attacks and also severe weight loss. i could not eat. i finally began to sleep, eat and feel human again. it took awhile but it did help. i just had to tell myself everyday that i would and could make it. my mom would want that. i did come off the meds and i did make it. some days are still so much worse then others but i know now that i can make it if i just allow myself to acknowledge that it is a bad day. My priest told me one day that courage is not about "not being afraid" but the strength to keep going. i say this everyday and realize that it is ok to be afraid but i am courageuous b/c i keep going lori

Susala I am so sorry for the loss of you mom, the journey is a long one. i lost my mom on 7/3/06 and it feels like yesterday. the first six months for me was complete hell, i call it my black hole. it just takes time, i know that doesn't seem to make sense right now but it will. i never believed it when people told me but time does soften the wound. i believe that wound never heals but it just doens't bleed all the time. I went through so much guilt and still do, i wish i had done things differently. i think this is part of the process. Your mom knows how much you love her and nothing will ever change that. keep that always with you. My thoughts, prayers and love go out to you. Lori

I believe animals have souls and we will all see them again one day. lori

Happy Birthday. Lori

Happy Belated Birthday. I hope you did ok, i know how hard it is. my mom will be gone 2 yrs this july 3. i still can't believe i have not seen her in that long. this april 14th i will turn 40, the big one and i keep thinking she won't be here to be with me. i still awake sometimes and think she will be in her hospital bed and i will see her. i then realize that is not true. today i am sad and woke up remenbering the last night with her. i was replaying my last words to her ( she could not speak). as for when we die, i am catholic and my faith is the only thing that has got me through this HELL. i believe we go to heaven and we will all be together soon. i can't think anyother way or i would be lost. i hope this helps. lori

I think the decision of taking meds is a personnel one. you must speak with your doctor and therapist. each person is different and deal with it differently. if you are having severe depression, loss of appetite, loss of sleep then you need the advice of your md. good luck. lori