sammielee

Do any of you go to any grief classes.. if so where and when are they.. ??? I have been thinking of going... thanks much.Jana

Hi Fragile, Thank you you said this so well.. infact I can hear that nooooooo. hugs to you jana

Hi Cindi I just sent you a message but dont know where it went.. I dont see it online... Hugs jana

Hi Cindi, Do you have children that live near you?? That helps a lot also.. I have two sons.. But yes it is a loss we will feel till we join them in heaven.. I just hope this year will be lots better and happier for us as last year was my hardest ever.. Please keep in touch... Hugs and prayers for you.Jana

Hi MIchele' Yes this forum really helps me realize I am not alone.. My husband died in Aug from liver cancer he had cancer for three years and what a battle that was ..he went into remission for nine months and we so hoped it would be permanant but it was not.. we took that time to grieve be thankful and all the other emotions.. But it was not to be and th ecancer came back with sort of a vengence. It was my second marriage and he was the love of my life and he was 59. I too keep thinking he will just walk in the house and be all well again.. My faith and trust in God is the only thing that has kept me going having him walk along this path with me... I will be praying for you... Jana

Hi cindi, so how was your Christmas.. Mine was very nice. I kept busy with lots of family activities so that helped a lot.. But I did feel the loss of Bill very much that day.. Sometimes I just cant believe this and think he will just walk thru that door again and be very healthy..If I let myself I could sink into a big depression.. Ihave to shut off my thoughts before I go there. and yes I noticed so many people are dying all of a sudden or did I just not notice before..??? And I can feel their pain well... Everyone who loves someone will have to go thru this sooner or later..it is just too bad you and I had to go thru it so soon and our husbands being so young.. Yes we will make it with all of the support we have, but the ache will never ever leave my heart.. till I can join my husband in heaven... you take care and have a good new year.. my son and I are going to go to the zoolights tommorrow night.. I have never been and it will be nice.. Bill loved the zoo..I was with him the last time I was there when he was first diagnosed with cancer.. so it will be bittersweet for me but at least my son will be with me and that helps me so much. Tons of hugs for you Jana

Oh Cindi I forgot to tell you..I had my son go thru some of Bills things I gave some to charity and kept some and yes there are certain thing sI can touch and look at other I cant ... hugs Jana

Hi Cindi, I have been lucky lately as I work in retail and it is our busiest season and my hours are long..so that does not leave a lot of time to cry.. tho I do think Of Bill everyday.. and yes what a wonderful Christmas they will be having.. My friend is now talking suicide and I have been trying to talk to her.. she wont get proffessional help but does have two daughters who live here.. hopefully they will be able to talk to her.. It is just too much with both her husband and son gone. Oh Cindi it will just take time for us and you know we will never fully get over all of this and will miss our husbands and love them forever. I have onemore day off till Christmas so If I dont get back to you quickly please have as good a day as you can on Christmas.. hugs for you..Jana

Hi Cindi, Sorry I have not gotten back to you before this.. One of the girls I went to high school with back in ohio.. wrote me an email that her daughter died unexpectedly.. she was in a home as from an infant she had has seizures and was mildly retarded and mary was a single mom with no child support and two other children. she had a hard life but did it all alone( With Gods help.. ) Her daughters health was good but she had a heart attack..and the home she was in was closing down so mary was in the process of trying to find another for her otherwise she would have had to quit work and try to find a way to take care of her at home.. Seems like God stepped and took her home which is the best place to be.. I would not say that to Mary now she is not ready to hear that, the funeral is tommorrow and she just wants to die.. I know the feeling first hand as well as you do.. My other friend whose husband died is not doing well at all but she is the one who lost her young son to cancer two or three years ago , so I can understand .. We were all friends and did things together so it is hard.. I am not ready for Chrismas either but we will get thru this and just think the glorious Christmas your husband and mine are having... take care big hugs back at ya..jana

Hi Cindi, I still cant get out all of my decorations so I think I will just give up.. Bill used to buy little things and hide them in the tree and make me find them.. When we were dating I taped a bunch of music for him, romantic songs etc.. I have been playing all of them and crying and remembering how I was feeling when I taped them... I have just decided I need to do this now. You go through so many different emotions.. I did not think Christmas would be quite this difficult..and all of my family just misses his humor and laughter so much. My youngest son when he comes over tells me he thinks of him everyday and when he comes here he touches things and says do you think Bill touched this and some remnant of that is still here.. I just feel so bad for him. I work in retail and being so very busy with that and all the crazy hours, that helps me.. It is just on days off if I have too much time to think.. I continue to pray and that helps me so much.. I know I could be much worse..I used to cry at the tv commercials..whenever a sad show would come on Bill would bring me the tissues before I even started to cry... you are in my prayers and thoughts... Bless you,, Jana

[Hi , Yes today was a little rough.. I was thinking of my husband and how wonderful he was, all the little things he did for me and how kind he ws to everyone else and how much he loved the Christmas season and all the decorations.. I am putting up a tree but it is slow going and hard to do.. I am doing it for him , and my children who are older but I know Bill would want me to do this.. Then I started to cry and could not stop.. It is truly day by day , second by second..And I think it is a positive thing to let yourself think back and cry. Now I am ok again well as ok as I can be... without Bill.... Take care of yourself.. and my prayers are with you as well...jana

Oh my heart breaks so much for you and I feel your pain.. My husband died in aug .. And like you it was a second marriage and we were totolly in love and couldnt wait to retire and have fun.. He died at 59.. I have a strong belief and trust in God which is getting me through all of this.. Believe me he will get you through this also.. It will never go away and you will never forget..it iwill just be easier to get through a day and be very happy... I never thought i would be there this soon..as I said I walk day by day step by step with God along my side. Take Care... Jana

Hi lynda, My friends son passed away two years ago. Yes I totally believe in the power of prayer.. God has answered so many of mine, so yes please include her in your prayers. In fact if I did not have God in my life I do not think I could stand the pain.. I have pictures of my husband all over and I glance at them everyday and sometimes talk to them ..last night I took one down and really looked at it and remembered ,something I try not to do very often as right now it hurts too much.. anyway I had a good cry and felt a bit better.. I know he is in such a good place now and with out all the drugs and chemo and pain but I just wanted to grow old with him and had so many plans for our future. And I just want to hear his voice again.. I miss him so much... sammie(Jana)

Thank you both for your kind words..It does help to know I am not totally alone.. Now I just found out I must go through another very difficult time.. two years a go my friends son passed away with cancer now we find out her husband has just two month to live..He and my dear husband were friends as well and when her son died my husband felt bad that he was still here and her son 28 years old had died.. Now how can I go through this so soon again..it is bringing all the pain and agony back as I know just how she is feelling and I am helpless... I feel I am still too new to this to be of any help to anyone else who is grieving.. It seems so many around me are dying from cancer. When does it start to be less painful?? sammie

HI I hope I am doing this right.. having trouble figuring out how to get into discussion. I lost my husband on aug. 6,2003.. We were together 17 years and after two bad marriages this was so wonderful..I truly met my soulmate, he was such a kind gentle funny man.. He was 59 and battled lung cancer for two years.. My whole life revolved around his illness.. The first chemo put him into remission for eight months but it came back in his brain and lung and liver.. he had radiation and chemo again.. it left again then came back and the chemo started for the third time but this time it made him so ill after each one he ended up in the hospital.. I just cant believe he is gone. some days I just wish I could go with him others I try to put it out of my mind like it never happened.. Then I see a picture or hear a song and I feel like I will never ever be happy again. Then I blame myself and think what could I have done differently for him.. did I learn all I could did I get him the best help available.. How do I live the next twenty or thirty years without him in my life that is if I live that long. I miss his voice his hugs.. some family members want me to go to grief counciling but this is even hard to write about.. I could not sit in a class and hear all the other sadness... sammie