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Tracy

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Everything posted by Tracy

  1. Dear Anne, It has only been a few weeks since you lost your mom and I am so sorry. I am quite sure that nothing feels right for you... eating, sleeping, thinking, praying and even dreaming. Grief grips every aspect of your life. For me, once things settled down a bit, I began to feel my dad's presence in many ways including dreams. Actually, 4 months after he died, I had a dream in which I was upset with him for taking so long to come back and tell me what IT was like (Heaven)! It was the most incredible dream of my life. In regards to faith: I would say after my dad died, I really questioned everything. I felt completely ripped off by God. Here I am going about life for 40 years doing what I thought was the right thing and out of the blue on a sunny day in May, my dad drowned in our family's pond at the age of 62. It was the most freakish, unsuspecting, furthest thought from my mind and it happened anyway. I prayed for guidance in my own faith a lot. In 12 days, it will be one year since my dad died. I feel that my faith has definately returned but it is different. Please be patient with yourself and read what these loving and kind people have to say about so many topics on this forum. They have felt the kind of pain that you are experiencing right now and will help you without even knowing it, just like they did for me.
  2. Hi Deborah, I don't post on here very often but I read almost all of them. I thought it was important for me to let you know how much I value you and your words of understanding and comfort that you offer to myself and others. You are hurting from a very deep loss as are so many on this forum. The pain is real and most times overwhelming. You remind us all that it takes a long time and a long time is ok. You remind us that if we are still feeling awful after 17 months of this grieving, that we are not insane. You are way too important of a person to way too many people to leave this Earth by your own hand. I wish we did have answers to the most important questions. But for some reason we just don't, and I really don't like that. For me, suffering and pain on Earth forces me to look beyond this brief life and believe strongly that what awaits us will be amazing. That is what gets me through. Please take good care Deborah. Tracy
  3. Dear Annie, I have been reading the posts on this forum for several months and have received great comfort in trying to cope with the death of my Dad. He died 5-22-06 in a drowning accident in our family's pond. Facing reality has been so hard. I have not even been able to dig up enough courage to actually write something here myself....until now. Your situation breaks my heart. A few years ago my roomate's parents were both infected with HIV and they both died within 3 mos of each other. Both were small town, well respected members of the community. All who knew them were completely devastated. I was so sad for my friend but didn't know what to do for her other than just listen. It was such a helpless feeling and seemed to be so worthless at the time. Little did I know that when my own Dad died in May, this same friend heard the news and immediately got in her car and drove 3 hours north to show up at the funeral home. It meant a lot to me to say the least. I guess the point I am trying to make is that she gives me hope. Hope of survival. Knowing now how difficult losing a parent can be, I am not sure I would have lived through such an experience. She not only lived through it, but was still able to show such sincere compassion to my family and myself. I can only hope that I get there someday too. Be patient with yourself AnnieO, you will be in my prayers. Tracy
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