Melissa138

Hi Boomer's mom, First let me say how sorry I am. I'm sorry for your loss of Boomer and I'm sorry you have to go through this pain. I lost my best friend Lola in June and can relate to so much of what you are going through. However, I'm also a vet assistant and I just want to tell you a few things from that perspective. I'm not sure if you stayed with Boomer or not (this is something we can talk more about when you are ready if you want), but when you said "I left her at the vet, I can't get to her and she is alone" I can promise you, she is not alone. Boomer's physical body may have been left at the vet, but what made her Boomer was not left behind. The memories, the good times, her spirit, her presence, that special thing that made her special, all that is still there. I understand wanting to get to her. Trust me, I would do anything to be able to smoosh Lola's jowls and kiss them again. But she is still there. Someone once described the departed as being behind a curtain (I picture a glass since I know Lola loved to lick windows!). We can't reach them, but they can see us. We can close our eyes and picture them. They are still with us, but for the time being we are separated by a glass. Someday we will be on the same side again. I know you are feeling guilt about her passing. What you are thinking is something I see so many people struggle with (and have myself too). The best thing I can tell you is that you knew Boomer best. You knew what her quality of life was and what she could and could not handle. You knew when the time is right. The hardest thing a pet owner can do is to let go. It takes so much courage and LOTS of love to be able to make the decision you know is best for your pet. The fact that you knew Boomer was in pain and were able to stop her from suffering to me shows how much you loved her. You thought of her needs first and acted selflessly, even though you knew how hard it would be. I know if she could, she would thank you for that. I hope this can give you at least a bit of comfort. Please take care of yourself.

Hi Mark, I'm sorry for your loss of Boomer. But please, don't feel guilty! You loved Boomer with all your heart and I know you would never have done anything deliberate to hurt him. You did the best you could with the information you had at the time and in the moment. You could not have seen the outcome. One hard thing about grief is that while processing it, we are also triggered and tend to process past grief. In this case, it seems like you are reminded a lot of Laci. From what I can read you are still feeling some guilt about that too. You mentioned feeling selfish. Personally, I don't see that at all. You thought he would be ok and promised to get him the help he needed first thing in the morning if he was not. Again, you could not have known what was going to happen. The guilt you're feeling makes me believe that you honestly thought he would be ok. Again, you did the best you could with what you had at the time. I loss my best friend in June, and understand your pain, guilt and struggle. I hope you find healing soon, please don't hesitate to message me if you need to talk.

Thanks Shoe. Today was a rough day. I woke up crying and not even sure I could make it into work. I cried the whole way there. My boss (I can't say enough about how fantastic she is) asked me if I was ok and understood I wasn't my usual 100%. I was able to just perk up enough to get through the day and fake happy. On my way home, all I kept thinking was how badly I miss her and want to be with her again. I'm really trying to continue with life, but it seems pointless to do anything without having her to share it with. We got the new city tags at work, and I started crying right there (I can normally hold it in or excuse myself). Remembering how every December or January we would get her a new one. I'm pretty sure we still have all of them. It hurts so much.

Thanks Tracy, I'll go read some of Bicky's story. I'm struggling so much right now.

Thank you both for replying. CJ, thank you for the reminder to take the time I need. I'm not the greatest with self compassion, and often try and rush through my emotions. And you are so right, I do wish I could just wake up in January! Kayc, I would love to tell you about Lola I've always loved animals and for years wanted a dog. During my teens years I was quite sick and had just given up. The only thing keeping me going was watching this show called Pet Project that had a Boston Terrier named Daisy on it. Of course I wanted a Daisy all of my own, and spent days looking up information on the breed to make sure it was the (hypothetically) perfect dog for me. My parents wanted nothing of this, but I would daydream. I even thought of the perfect name, Lola, after the song "whatever Lola wants, Lola gets." On Christmas morning I woke up to find a dog bed with a stuffed dog toy and letter advising me that I would be getting Lola as soon as my parents found the perfect one. As luck would have it, we found Lola a few weeks later and she came home at the end of January. That dog saved my life, just by being in it. By being so loving, genuine and just so darn happy she taught me so much. She just radiated positive energy and happiness. Walking down the street, people I didn't even know would yell out "Hi Lola!" or just look at her and smile. Maybe it was her bulgy eyes, or her wiggle bum walk. But for whatever reason, people just saw her and laughed. She spread joy wherever she went, and the girls at the vet would even look forward to her coming in, giving her snuggles and saying she was just what they needed if they were having a bad day. This was before I was working there! She did have a few health issues, but it was when she was diagnosed with Cushing's that it started to get bad. We monitored her closely but come June, her quality of life had gone downhill, and she was showing neurological symptoms. We ended up euthanizing her the day after my birthday, and she passed holding a bone in her mouth, surrounded by her family and some of her favorite people (the staff at the hospital). I'm grateful I did get to spend that last birthday with her. When she started getting sick, I made her step in paint. I brought her exact paw print to my tattoo artist and got it tattooed on my foot. I wanted to make sure she would always be with me every step of the way. She tried licking it, so I'm assuming she liked it I miss her so much.

Hi everyone, My name's Melissa and I lost my best (and often times only) friend, Lola, in June. I'm really struggling just to stay afloat if that makes sense. It took 2 months for me to even acknowledge that she was gone. It recently has gotten so bad that I had to take 2 days leave from work. Luckily I work in the veterinary field, and have amazing and supportive coworkers. I know it's supposed to hurt. I know what I'm going through (thoughts and emotions) are normal. I have people I can turn to. But nothing helps. I don't know what else to do. I even avoided posting here as I'm at a loss for words. She would have been 11 on Thursday.