janesangel

I have always been a spiritual person, and I always found comfort in all things given to me by the Creator. I prayed all of my life for my true soul mate. Last year he sent John for me to love with my heart and soul. For the first time in my life I felt a heart and soul connection, in a relationship. The love is so deep because of our spiritual connection. A few weeks into the relationship we each thanked God that we met and fell in love. We felt blessed to have found each other. When he was diagnosed with cancer less than a year after we met we decided to spend more time together and enjoy what little time we had left rather than endure more tests, treatment and hospitalization. We grew more in love each day and thankful for each moment. When he told me that he had a few weeks to live I was struck with a pain that I never felt before. I heard of deep soulmate love and separation but I never knew how much it hurt until I heard he would be leaving me soon. When his sister called to let me know John had died I was left with questions about why he had to go home so soon. I spent days crying and asking God why John had to go home so soon. I didn't get any answers but I wonder if this was the greatest test of all. The days John and I spent together felt like years. The minutes like hours. Despite all the ups and downs typical of couples who have spent years together, we still felt this was the most loving and fulfilling relationship that either of us ever had in our lives. It was just a year but it felt like years. We had love and that is all we needed to face anything life throw us. John told me many times a day, since we met last summer, that he loves me and he is the luckiest man in the world. Our favorite song is 'You and I' by Michael Buble, and 'Oh My Love' by John Lennon. I still talk to God and I ask the Angels to take good care of John. I believe he is at Peace. I also talk to John each day because I feel in my heart he is in Heaven and wishing I live and be happy like he said. I still hear him say I love you Jane, my angel, my heart, my love. I go to our favorite places beside the river and lakes and talk to him and tell him how much I love him. I thank God for those beautiful places he created for John and I to enjoy while he was alive. Those places will always be Heaven on Earth. This Christmas is going to be very lonely without John. We were talking about a honeymoon in Arizona and traveling to visit family and friends sharing the joy of our marriage. I contacted family and friends to pray for me to give me strength through the holidays. I feel so much better when they pray for me. It doesn't erase the loss and pain but it will make it bearable through the holidays. I pray for all of us so that we will find comfort, love and support from each other. Namaste Jane

Anthony I feel that you handling it the best that you can. You are reaching out to others, in your way, for support and also offering support for others. I know from experience there are some unhealthy ways to deal with grief, but reaching out to others is far from unhealthy. I actually had only one friend say they don't know what to do to help me in my grief. Now I am finding ways to let them know how they can help. No matter what they do for me I let them know I love and appreciate them. Reaching out and asking for help to grieve in a healthy manner is a new lesson for me. I think Celene would want you to be happy. Thank you for reaching out to support me. Jane

Thank you Anthony I was watching a show just now where they introduced a family that lost everything in Hurricane Sandy. They had each other. I sent them love and light and wished them the best. Then I remembered I need that as well because I lost my soulmate. That's when the tears started flowing. By coming here after watching the show, I think I am still on track in healing from the loss. I am trying to continue without John. Per his request, I am continuing to take care of myself for me and my children. Love & Light

Angel thank you for sharing your experience. You helped me with my loss. I also lost my fiance. He died the day Hurricane Sandy hit the east coast of the United States. On August 13, 2012 he informed me that the test results were stage 3 brain cancer. He went through several rounds of chemo and surgery in September. He stopped all treatment in October so he could spend time with me and his family. By the first week of October he was informed he had only two weeks to live. We were planning to marry the first week in November. I was not with him when he passed because I was with specialists to deal with my life crisis on the west coast. He wanted me to stay with my family, children, friends and doctors to battle my illness. I wanted to travel to see him but it was to risky. His sister contacted me November 28 to give me his last message. That is when I accepted that I will never see him again. He said goodbye to me before the power outage. I was in denial and shock until his sister contacted me with his final message. During his illness he made every effort to stay in contact with me. I knew it was difficult for him to get out of bed to message me to tell me he loved me. He also wanted me to take whatever measures to beat my disease so that I can live and be happy with my children. On several occassions he said he did not want me to follow him. He wanted me to live and be happy. I miss and love him so much. The grief is so intense. I know I may not make any sense in my post but I am happy to release my thoughts and emotions. I know that John would want me to do whatever I felt would help me in my battle with my illness and live and be happy. Love & Light to all Namaste