ooeypay

I am new to this site. My husband died suddenly October 26, 2012. The New Year is a sad prospect for me without him. We were married 47 years. Had just that week had a discussion of what we wanted to do in the next 20 years. I am so sad. I can not stop thinking about him and missing him and crying. I have been living with my son, daughter in law and two grandchildren. I am trying to get up the courage to go to my own home tonight. We had just bought our brand new home and lived in it only one and a half months before he died. We had it built just the way we wanted it. It is beautiful but it holds no joy for me. It is a dream destroyed. This grief is so overwhelming. I am generally a very happy person. I know the Lord and know that He was not surprised when my husband walked through Heaven's gates. I do believe in Heaven. So on the one hand I know my Jerry has never been happier or healthier in his life. I teeter on the fence of knowing to want him back is selfish but wanting him back anyway. I just wish someone could tell me how many days of this terrible anguish I will have to live through. I could set my face and just gut my way through. The skin on my face is raw from tears. I want them to stop.