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feralfae

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About feralfae

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday January 26

Previous Fields

  • Date of Death
    7 February 2012
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Wonderful Rocky Mountain Hospice, Helena Montana

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Helena Montana
  • Interests
    Archaeology, art, alpine climbing, classical music, Common Law, exploring, adventure, poetry, reading.

Recent Profile Visitors

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  1. Dear Marty, Your loving notes are always a smile-bringer! *<twinkles>*
  2. Dear Friends, It has been nine years since my Doug left for what I imagine is a healthier and happier life. This is the first year that the ache and longing have not overtaken me on February 7th. I did not collapse into the despair and grief of loss, but was able to hold up beautiful memories with gratitude as I carry these times in my heart. I did look at some photos and videos, and smiled with joy and gratitude for sharing my life with this magnificent man. I look around at all the work he did on our home, on the forest here, and at the trees he planted, the bird houses he made for
  3. Glen, thank you for your sharing here. I am so sorry you have lost your mother and I so thankful for you that you have your wonderful Trish and dear friends with you. Your heartfelt account of your mother's last days is truly touching, and gives us all the opportunity to share this time with you. Your mother was a remarkable and determined woman, and you have, with your beautiful recounting of her struggles, brought her alive her for us all. Peace be with you as you go through this time of grief. You have my deepest sympathy, from my heart to yours.
  4. Dear Glen and all, I often think the time we spend here, expressing the feelings which seem to surround loss, death, and grief is the time we are journaling among caring people, who can read our words and validate our feelings. I still carry some guilt that I could not save Doug from cancer. We went to extraordinary measures—clinical trials, special doctors, diets, cancer consultants, trips out of the country—willing to try almost anything that we thought might save him. Realistically, we gained three more years for him than the oncologists thought he would have. But still, I felt a lot of g
  5. I have finally finished (I think) going through Mother's papers. I'm still sorting Doug's papers too, and so this whole process of going through Mother's things has brought back a lot of the sadness and grief from Doug's death as well. I'm glad I had a break, a respite from it all to go out in the field, but have been back home a few days and while I rest, I have been sorting more papers. I spend a couple hours on Doug's papers, then a couple hours on Mother's papers, then I leave both asks and do something else. But the grief is so strong here in the house, where there are reminders of Doug a
  6. Doug left on February 7, 2012. So I recently passed the eighth anniversary of his escape from his cancer-ridden body. I remember the fifth anniversary was at a time when I was first accepting that I could let go of more of his things. That he would not need them any more, ever. I realized then that I needed to begin to build my own solo life, and that it needed some direction. I think Doug is with me most of the time, and certainly when I need him to help me with some question or issue. But every anniversary, every birthday, and every time something reminds me, then I am back with Doug for
  7. Dear Yoyoma, I am so very sorry that you have lost your dear mother. I am glad you have found this caring place. I am so very glad you are having these moments of respite. I remember when I first had them, and also felt guilty, as though by having moment of joy, I was somehow abandoning my heavy cloak of grieving widow—which I then felt I would wear always. Mind you, it was almost two years before I had my first moment of pure, distracted joy–I was admiring a cloud. And I almost did not let Creation give me a tiny dose of joy because of a sense of guilt if I were not in deep sorrow a
  8. Dear Marty, ♥️♥️♥️ right back to you and Much love *<twinkles>*
  9. Dear Kay, thank you for your very kind and caring words. I can feel their warmth, and know these words come from your heart. Your presence here is a gift of comfort to us all. Thank you for your loving compassion for those who are grieving. I know you carry your own empty places, and that only makes your words mean much more. Much love, *<twinkles>*
  10. George, I am so very sorry you have lost your beloved Rose Anne. I will be thinking of you on the 16th. I hope it is a day of peace and love for you. Yes, under the care of our Creator, we somehow carry on, on the Path where we are led. Peace to your heart. *<twinkles>*
  11. today, or rather tonight at 10:20 PM, it will be eight years since Doug escaped from his cancer-infested body that no longer worked for him. I have taken the day off from everything so I can just think about Doug, our life together, all we enjoyed and learned from each other, and all the great things we did together. I still miss him every day, and think about Doug a lot each day. My home and all the things he did in and around the house remind me of him. My desk and my art remind me of Doug. When I step out into the garage and see his work bench, it reminds me of Doug. My own life reminds
  12. Needless to say, I've been busy with my grandson's trauma, and just talking-to him so he has a way to vent about how scared he was. He is doing a little better, and the physical therapy is working. But my mother's estate stuff is still going on. So many memories of my early years, remembering all the confusion when she would go to the hospital, not knowing what to do, and still, today, knowing that there was nothing I could do to make her happy or better. Her life was such a tangle of confusion, fear, periods of being functional, then watching her slowly lose her grasp on reality again.
  13. I am skipping Meeting this morning, because my friends are having a birthday party for me this afternoon (I'm now officially 73!) and I need to get some things done before then. Yes, Sterling called laughing and said there was no way we could go to China until we learn more about this virus. He thinks it will compromise the health of elderly and malnourished people more than "regular people." But we decided to take no chances. I am not sure what we will do or where we will go instead. I do think I need to get him away, and of course he thinks he needs to take care of his Nana by going on tr
  14. Kay, all your recommendations are so very wise that I think we could all use them when we feel grief is taking over our lives. I know it does, but everything you say shows us ways to add something back into our lives that we may have lost. Thank you for those wise words. Linda and I went to Missoula again today for further tests. She is 80 later this year, and has had a lot of health issues these past several years, but is holding her own with Pilates, volunteer work on community/charity boards, visiting her grandchildren, and had a new one-level custom home built just for her in an ar
  15. Dear Gloria Jean, I am so very sorry that you have lost your mom. There are others here on the forum who are much better than I at helping you, but I read your post and wanted to say welcome. I am glad you found this wonderful healing place. I know you will find some comfort here, and some help in letting go of the guilt. I lost my own mother a few months ago, and I am still coming to terms with her loss, with all the things that were unresolved when she left, and especially with the relationship I did not have with my own mother. You have been through a long and difficult rolle
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