Trishia

My heart is sad with you. I understand your pain. My son too died in a tragic car accident at the hands of another. His accident was in May 2010. I too wasn't able to drive and was full of anxiety. I have been on this journey longer and I will say strength comes. Sometimes the waves of grief still overtake me but I now know I will come out the other side, so I am less afraid. I am able to drive now and my anxiety has lessened a fair amount. When you don't have hope hold on to the hope of others, that is what I did. This is a journey, don't allow others or yourself to think you should be better by now. Hopefully you will find people who will sit with you while you cry and while you tell stories over and over and over. I hope you will have friends that will hold your hand. I am still in therapy with a trauma/grief counsellor and I find her extremely helpful in my journey pamper yourself

My life is forever changed. I am in culture shock and forced on a new journey that never ends. My heart is broken and I feel so very alone. My youngest son Jonathan died in a tragic car accident in May 2010, the day before Mother’s day. He had already bought me my chocolates (I found them scattered on the side of the road) and asked his brother to pick up the card. I remember very clearly the last time I saw him alive. His good friend, the driver of the car, lost control of the car and by driver error went into the path of a SUV and they both died instantly. They weren’t drinking, using cell phones or speeding, they were wearing seatbelts. For reasons unknown to us they veered off the road slightly and when his friend tried to get back on the road (there was a lip on the road) he lost control. My pain is deep and I feel alone in this journey. I do not have family to turn to for support, my church community found this trauma difficult as well and didn’t know how to walk this journey with me. It takes a special group of people to understand this experience is a journey not something to get over. Jonathan is my youngest and my other 2 children are no longer at home and are out of my area due to school and marriage. I was thrown into being an empty nester too soon and before I was ready. I do not have the stamina to attend groups in the evening since I started back to work so that doesn’t help the feeling of aloneness. I wish that someone in my church community would have had the strength and time to walk with me in this journey. I needed people to reach out to me. I hope that this forum will help a little to see that I am not alone and that I can talk to people who understand.

I wasn't able to delete a post I mistakenly put here. If you would like to see my journey, please go to a journey in a new culture. Although I agree with the title here I do not want to take away from the original post with my own story.

My heart can only understand part of your pain. I can't begin to understand how it would feel to lose a child in such a horrific way and for him to be an only child. I too have lost a child. My youngest son died in a tragic car accident. He was 18 at the time and a passenger of a car. They were doing everything right, his friend just made a driver error and lost control going into the path of a SUV and they both died instantly. For me a great sadness is that I was unable to see my son again until he was at the funeral home. He was not taken to the hospital but to the morgue, my heart is sad that I didn't get to see him at the time of the accident to say my goodbye and to hold him. I understand the feeling of your heart being forever broken, for me I feel there is nothing that will fill the hole that is left in my heart. Through much counselling with a trauma/grief counsellor I am learning to walk through this emptiness instead of trying to run, that is difficult. I am learning to carry the memory of my son Jonathan with me in this new life that has been thrown at me. I have held onto the hope of my counsellor for the times that I did not feel hope. This sounds a little easy in words but as you know this journey is a difficult one. I find that strength comes even if I don't want it. I have learned to notice the "magic moments" as I call them, moments like a bird bathing in a puddle, the sunset or the sound of running water in the outdoors. It helps me to talk to people who understand. I am new to this forum and new to chatting with people who understand, I hope that this experience will be helpful to me and I wish the same for you. from someone who walks a journey similar to yours