Paul_Caruso

Thanks for your thoughts, I knew there was no magic solution but I'm glad to have shared what I'm thinking.

Hi all, I find this a very hard subject to broach, especially since I find it hard to convey my thoughts without sounding heartless and selfish. Basically, my girlfriends mother died last year - we are both 22. We have been together for 5 years this September and getting married in December 2007. At the moment I've been struggling to cope with her grief and I don't know what to do. She must sleep with TV on to distract her from her own thoughts, she often sobs and says how her life is ruined, that she will never enjoy life again because whenever something good happens she wants to share it with her mum. I am moving away to start my career (which she supports) she will move in with me next year because she says she cannot leave her brothers and father at the moment. She gets incredibly homesick if she is away from home for more than a day or two and revealed yesterday that she can't imagine a time when she could move out of her parents' home because of the memories and connection with her mother. She asked if I would give up my career to be with her at home if she wasn't ready to move. I said not to think about it and see if it happens but she says she is worrying now. I understand that these are normal feelings and possibly I would feel the same if I were in her situation. I just don't know if I can sustain a relationship with someone who can never be happy. I realise it's an awful thing to happen to someone, especially at that age, but I don't know if I can handle this responsibility at this young age. I don't want things to be potentially worse than they are now in 5 years time and have suffered in the process. I know all this may sound callous but I just don't know if I'm too young to have to support someone in this way perhaps forever. Where do you draw the line? I just don't know whether to cut my (since she obviously wants the relationship to continue) losses and break up. Every aspect of our relationship is fine, we are very much in love and I would marry her tomorrow if her mother was still with us. I want to stay with her, without question, but I don't want to live in the shadow of her grief indefinitely. She will struggle without me and she says splitting up will destroy her since she will have "lost everything" but surely that can't be the reason to stay? I guess I'd just like to get this out there, talk about it with someone so please do your worst!