evetoo

Lost my husband just a month ago and so much grief from other times that if I get through this (I have serious heart problems), that I don't see how anyone can ever care about anyone again. I don't mean a romantic love or anything like that, but just caring about any one person that you would not want to lose. I was divorced after 14 yrs. and this time was married to my soulmate for 40 1/2 yrs and we both went through several life threatening illnesses along with my wonderful adopted son who, as an adult, found that he has muscular dystrophy. Right now I feel that I don't want to even have serious friendships with anyone as I don't see why we even meet these people when we are going to lose them anyway. I know that's life and friends are very important but right now I feel there is a limit to how much grief anyone can take. We sold our home of 30 yrs that we both loved because of the nature all around us so we could live closer to my daughter and grands. We planned to buy a house but now I am going into an apartment that has only a few trees but a dog park for my beloved dog. I have been very busy with funeral, all the financial stuff, packing, etc. that I wonder if I am doing too much all at once. I presently live in an apt away from family and the hospice team said that it shows that I am not giving up by planning all this but would like to hear from others who moved quickly after death. My house held lots of memories and I don't know if that would have been harder to stay in and it was way in the country. I have no ties to my present apt except for the fact that my husband died here. I plan to put a little corner with his urn and photo in my new apt.

I have family and will be getting a small apt. close to my daughter next week. We sold our house in SC a year ago to live in Texas nearer to family expecting to spend lots of time all together but it was not to be. I presently live in a 55+ apt but it is 40 miles from family so getting another 55+ apt 3 miles from daughter. The residents here are very helpful as some of them have also gone through similar situations. Also, have my wonderful Bichon dog. Thanks for support.

My husband had similar situation 5 yrs ago from sepsis when he had gallbladder out and colon was cut. Coma, etc. learned to walk again, several operations, etc. 5 months. Many prayers went out for him and he survived and lived 5 yrs and died this Jan 25th, 2013 with cancer all through his body. Doctors say it wasn't due to botched op 5 yrs back but he never was the same after that with depression, mood swings, pains, etc. and I really think he went through so much then that he could not fight and had no resistance to fight off the cancer. He too went through many tests and it took months before they found cancer all over. It boggles my mind to understand why all the tests did not find any of it. When it hit the liver he went quickly. He was a good man and I cry every day wishing for his arms around me. I wish I had given him more hugs, been more patient, etc. He had hospice and they were wonderful. I was his caretaker and with him when he died but I still feel guilty though I know I shouldn't but just that I should have been able to do more. He was 72 as I am. I am in pieces and miss him so. It's so very difficult but let's all try to go forward as much as possible. I'm new here today and it's at least good to know that I am not crazy but have a lot of anxiety just like you all seem to.