Jn715

Thank you Mary. I know I am not alone and your words are comforting for the moment.

Dave' has been gone for almost two month and the lose is still overwhelming. I miss him so much nothing seems right anymore. My mind knows he's gone and not coming back, but heart just wants him back so bad. The tears are always on the edge of my life. How do I live with such pain in my heart and the loneliness. I just want to be with him. How can love hurt so bad.

It seems I lost my job today. Apparently I am not supposed to show any emotion at work. I was faxing documents to the insurance company and I got a little teary eyed as I do when dealing with anything regarding my beloved Dave. My boss told me to go home and I told her give me a few minutes and I would be fine. Words were exchanged and I left. I can not guarantee that something will no set me off and I may cry. I miss Dave so much and can not control when I might cry. I have been able to control my emotions pretty well since I went back to work three weeks ago. I work 3 hours a day, but as soon as I walk out the door the tears come again. I come home to nothing and cry. Sometimes I think and wish I was the one who should have died.

Today is a bad day. I can't seem to get a handle on things. I am so lonely for Dave and can't seem to stop crying. My heart hurts so bad and I miss him so much. I can't see any future today without him. Life is cruel.

Nothing seems the same. I cry every day. I don't feel like doing anything. When will this awful pain start to ease a little. I can't seem to talk about Dave without crying. I am going to grief counseling and starting group grief counseling in April. I'm on meds but they take time to kick. The sadness is overwhelming at times. I feel lost.

My Dave died February 7 2013 and I miss him so much all I can think is I just want him back, I just want him back.