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Conbon20

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Everything posted by Conbon20

  1. I am new to this grief journey. I'm only into it by 6 months. In the beginning, I went through a flurry of activity. I tried to donate alot of my husbands clothes and gave away many of his cassette tapes. I was just numb and didn't feel anything at the time. I was interrupted in my activity by the necessity of having hip replacement surgery. Now, I am recovering at home and there is still so many of my husband's things that he loved - books, tapes, magic, etc. that are still here with me. It's so hard looking at these things, so I know that I will have to deal with them as I get stronger. I miss him so very much and I hope and pray that this grief lessens. How many times can your heart break I ask myself. Thanks for listening. Connie
  2. Thank you Anne for responding to me. It helps to know that someone really cares. Yes, my daughter lives pretty close and she is a blessing to me. I am recovering from my surgery pretty well. I had home health workers here for several weeks and next week will start my first outpatient physical therapy. I know when I can drive again and get out of the house, I won't feel so isolated. I still have so much of my husband, Woody's stuff to discard or donate. I can't even bear to open the door to his room right now. I went through a frenzy right after he died and donated most of his clothes, etc. but he was a collector of things he loved so I have to contact his past magic friends to see if they want some of his magic and then there are his books, and tapes, etc. etc. He has a wonderful son (by his first marriage) who has helped me alot and I know John will help me with the rest of his stuff but I don't look forward to doing it. The memories flood in and my whole composure just melts in a sea of tears. I know I must go on and I know he wanted me to go on. One day at a time I guess..... one day at a time. Thanks again for listening. Connie
  3. Hi Anne, I wish I was where you are at. It has been six months since I lost my wonderful husband and for awhile I thought I was doing pretty good. Now I don't know. I recently had hip replacement surgery and although I am grateful for the wonderful care I had, I now am home alone recooperating. I can't drive yet and so am somewhat isolated unless my daughter comes to visit. I try to stay busy but some days like today.... I find I am crying and I know it's because I miss my husband so very much. We were married 46 years which is a lifetime. I do know that prayer helps because I do alot of that but will this terrible hurt in my heart ever go awaY? i truly don't think the good Lord wants me to be this unhappy so I take hope in my belief in him and that things will get better. Thanks for letting me pour my heart out. Connie
  4. Chris, I am so sorry for your loss of your lovely wife, Paula. I know that others on this site have said it but I just want to say it also. You are not alone. All of us here understand what you are going through. We are here to listen and know that whatever you say, we will understand and offer our prayers as you go on this hard journey of grief. I, like so many others, lost my husband and soulmate of 46 years in January. I understand about holidays and the incredible pain they cause when your loved one is gone. I won't tell you the pain completely goes away, but it does get a little better. I hope this doesn't sound that an empty platitude because I truly believe that you need to just "take it one day at a time". We are here for you. Connie
  5. Mary, I read your thoughts and meditations from Sunday. I too watched "Sunday Morning" as it was a regular routine for my husband and I to do every week. I can identify with your statements about needing to rest and meditate. I have been doing that alot lately without really thinking about it. Being alone in this little mobile home (it's just a single wide) limits what space I have but I still find it soothing to just sit and read my daily devotionals each morning. I know that we all are on a grief journey but we also are all on a faith journey. There is no way to separate them and I wouldn't want to anyway.
  6. What a beautiful poem. I have written poetry for many years but I find that I haven't been able to write a poem about my loss. I do take comfort in the poems I wrote about my relationship with my husband BEFORE he passed away though. I'm so happy I was able to show him those poems while he was still alive.
  7. Hi Fae, It was so kind of you to respond to my posting. Yes, my husband's name was Woody. It's an unusual name for an unusual man. His father was a Woody also. Our first grandson shares to a certain degree his namesake. Blake is 22 now but when he was born, his mother was of course married to Blake's dad - who was a full blooded Seminole Indian (I should say native American). Blake's dad wanted him to have a Native American name and my daughter wanted Blake to have Woody in his name. The final outcome is this: Blake's legal name is: Blake Woody-Bear and then his last name. My husband said to us all. For Goodness sake, don't call him Woody-Bear ..... he will be teased all his life. Blake is proud of his name though and he loved his Grampa so very much. I would love to hear more about YOUR husband. Forgive my ignorance but you'll have to explain exactly what epistemologist does. It's so very comforting to talk to someone about my husband. Thank you Fae. Connie
  8. Hi Jan C, Thanks for responding to my post. It's so kind of you to ask about my husband. He was a remarkable man. He grew up during the depression in Oklahoma. That so formed much of what he was. He would always buy extra canned goods or toilet paper and store it away. I'd ask him about it and he'd say.... It's our reserve - we may need it. He and his family moved to California when he was young and his mother got him into dance lessons and acting lessons. He was in many of the "Little Rascals" films and other films. Later, he became interested in Al Jolson - the great singer of the time - so Woody did impersonations of Al Jolson and was very popular. His real passion was magic. He did stage shows all across the country and I have posters and memorabilia showing him doing his magic. Later on after we were married, he taught magic to kids in our home which he enjoyed. He loved radio too and after serving in Korea, was employed at a radio station on the island of GUAM. I could go on and on but as you can see, he loved to entertain people in any genre and I was so proud of him. After he passed away, I had one of his posters and a caricature framed of him. I have it up on my wall so I find myself throwing him kisses each day. I miss him so very much. Thanks for letting me tell you about him. Connie
  9. Does anyone out there still talk to their departed spouse? My husband of 46 years passed away in January. I miss him so very much. I find that I will wake up in the middle of the night and be talking to him and telling him how much I still love him and how much I still miss him. Sometimes, I will wake up and say to him.......... "I think I dreamed of you dear" I look at a sign he posted for me that I seemed to hate at the time. It says "keep on keeping on" and I tell him "I'm trying Dear but it's so hard without you". This is the first time in my life that I have been physically alone. Sometimes it just helps to talk to him.
  10. Enna, My husband of 46 years was a collector. He loved to collect and preserve things for "posterity" or his grandkids or history. I had to sort through many, many VCR tapes he recorded. The ones of movies were easy to donate but he recorded many family occasions throughout the years. First he recorded them on cassette and later on VCR. I found a box that he taped and labeled "do no destroy". They list his name and mine, our kids, his mother's name and others. I just haven't had to courage to open the box or play any of these tapes. He was smart enough to have several cassette players and VCR players (even though you can't get them now so easily) but I know I will be in so much pain when I listen. I hope things will get better and down the road I will want to listen and watch these memories. Right now, I just can't.
  11. Kay, I am new to this site but I lost my husband in January and feel like I am in an alternate reality that I can't get out of. I read your description of canceling your husbands e-mail account and I wanted to post something that happened to me. I have a facebook page which I started several years ago at my daughter's prompting. At the time, my husband was at home and loved to get on his e-mail, etc. so I started a facebook page for him. I could never get him interested in it so it stayed put in my "friends list". Well, I got on there the other day to see how I could delete it - since he's passed away now. Imagine my surprise when I clicked on it and saw another face. It was a face of a young man who claims he is Woody Schultz. That was my husband's name. I was appalled. He must have stolen my husband's identity. That had to be it. I told my son-in-law who is very computer savy and he told me how many people share "his" name. I can't even imagine that someone else shares my husband's name. After all, he was so unique and extraordinary and one of a kind. I sent a message to the young man which he did not respond to. I told him I had been married to Woody Schultz for 46 years and he certainly didn't look like MY husband.
  12. Anne, I am new to this grief support arena. I just lost my husband of 46 years in January. You are not alone. I wasn't even able to put my husband's coffee mug away in the cupboard for several months. It just sat on the kitchen counter where he left it. I tore through some things that he never ever wore and had the courage to donate them but I still have 2 jackets, a robe and a sweater that hang in my closet. I can't bear to get rid of them. I too feel sometimes like I am on the edge of falling apart. I pray alot and I hope that you will turn toward God during these hard times. I know he listens and cares.
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