DML

Yes shame on them. You would think they would know all the tricks. I don't really hold out much hope of being together again. I think I am still in shock , feel like I have been hit by a truck.

Pollara and KayC, yes I have spoken to two different therapists and each one feels she has BPD. I understand it is not an official diagnosis . One also feels she has OCD as some of her other behaviors would fit into that category. From what I have learned people usually suffer from more than one mental illness. I guess its a package deal . I actually did leave her at the mental hospital and they released her the following day and told her all she needed was a good nights rest!! Can you believe that?? She told me she said everything they wanted to hear and they released her. Now this is supposed to be our state of the art mental hospital. How much faith do you think I put into them now? Less than zero for sure. One of the therapists told me to take a 3 month break and see how I feel . I am going to do that, which means I will miss her birthday . I have no need to contact her really now so I am going to take it day by day. I do still love her and would do anything for her , except take the blame for her issues. She is probably expecting me to contact her but not this time. Now its tough love. I have been searching for some local group meet ups for partners/families of people with mental illness. Hopefully something comes up. Oh and it wasn't CSI it was an episode of Queer As Folk but I would love to see the CSI episode.

Well , something happened last week and I admit I am still in shock. I wish I was going to say she has recovered and all is well but nothing could be further from the truth. I won t bore you with all the circumstances but last week I picked her up after work and she had a horrible migraine. She asked me if we were going to be able to remain friends and I said probably not. I told her she was very very sick and she needed help and that maybe one day we could try again. She then tells me that it is MY FAULT she is so sick. That I should have forced her into a mental health hospital and since I allowed her to keep working I was only thinking of myself and taking advantage of her financially! I told her how she told me many times how she would HATE me if I ever locked her up. But nope I should have done more. I snapped. I told her how much I tried to get her help , to stop working and by no means did I benefit financially from her. But she is convinced I am the bad one.I told her ever since he passed away I had been doing everything possible to get her help. She said our Doctor told her part of her problem is her environment , which she seems to think is me but I rarely see her. Obviously someone is feeding her this crap and I m pretty sure its one of her " friends " who has and will take advantage of her financially. So we then had the most ugly vicious fight I have ever had. In the parking lot and in her apartment. She threatened to call the police on me and since I work in law enforcement ( no I m not a cop ) that would mess up my job for awhile. I told her to give me back my belongings. We were both crying I couldn't believe what was happening. I left after about 15 minutes. I texted her from my car and said I was sorry and that I would NEVER hurt her. To my surprise she responded and said she was sorry as well and that she also played a part in what had just happened and also that there was just too much pain. And that was the last I heard from her. So here is what I would like your opinions on... should I have just kept it in when she accused me of not doing enough? I know she suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder . so should I have just dropped her off and left or did I do the right thing by not letting her blame me? Its been 2 years since all this started, my life has been nothing but a roller coaster and I just could not help it. But now all I do is think about it and I am regretting how ugly the argument became. And no just in case your wondering.. there was no violence. I spoke to a therapist and she said people with BPD usually blame the " safe " person in their life because they can get away with it. She recommended 2 books which I promptly went and purchased. I was 5 pages in and recognizing a lot of similar behaviors. Its strange but maybe if she realizes I 'm not so safe she might respect me more?

KayC I had no indicators of a break up either until after the death. We enjoyed the same music and movies. Shared the same ethical values. The other day I was watching a show and a character had something called Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD. I immediately recognized the behaviors as very similar as my ex would show. Lately I have been recalling all the red flag behaviors that were displayed during our relationship. I think she was on a slow descent into mental illness and the death triggered the full release. The past few weeks have been very difficult for me , there has been hardly any contact and the last text I was upset with her. I don't think she really cares what I think anymore since she never initiates any contact. I guess it has finally come to the " soulmates to strangers " phase . Should I contact her and get all my belongings back or should I just let it be for now ?

Yeah like I said I was just throwing it out there. Everyone's case is different . KayC I agree with Pollara, sounds like he wants you back.

I m just going to throw this out there and see what you ladies think.. I m wondering if Pollara's guy may have deeper issues and that is why he is seeking professional help. Which leads me to wonder.. is it possible that some people who have had some sort of abuse/trauma in their younger years have this reaction when they lose someone? For example if someone was sexually abused I have read that they learned to "shut down" when the abuse was happening. So when they lose someone close, their emotions go into a type of lock down . Just think .. I have lost people and pets in my life and it was devastating but I never reacted the way our ex 's have. Just a thought on a night where I have been thinking way too much.

Pollara , although I do appreciate your input I must disagree with your last post. If this was merely an issue of boredom I would understand. But there were other factors , most importantly the death of her father figure and the dog. There was actually 5 deaths in 3 months if I was to factor in the others she was close to in some degree.

Yes I am pretty sure she is not faking her memory loss. Nothing is 100%but I m as sure as I can be she is being honest. She did mention again last night about finding a different therapist. As for our relationship I do not hold out much hope but right now I am all she has and I cannot abandon her because God only knows what trouble she would be in. Yes it is hurting me like crazy but such is life. There is just one feeling I have about her breaking up with me.. she never actually gave me a reason. In fact she said that she could not blame me for anything, So what was it? I know it had something to do with losing the dog. She did make a reference to me once about how I remind her of the dog. I am just taking it day by day now and hoping that eventually one day she will get the help she needs.

Yes she stayed over last weekend. The Saturday was when we had our discussion. I forgot to mention that she still refuses to let me have zero contact with her ( I do not want this either but I refuse to be around when she has met someone else ) . I told her I am not friends with my exes and I have no interest in seeing her happy with someone else. She said that she cannot handle any more losses and if I leave she will consider it another loss. SIGH! Now the next day , the Sunday was much better. I did not sleep well Saturday night so I finally decided to just keep things light because I dont want her to start hurting herself more. As for the therapist.. I guess she received a call from him and she went to his office but she thought he was a different type of doctor. When he said he was her therapist she did not believe him until she saw her file. She says she is taking meds but I do not know what and for how long. I do not think they are working very well. I mentioned to her that I thought losing the dog has triggered her depression again and she agreed. I just cannot figure out why she is so adamant about not being with me... unless its because I remind her of our dog. I just am so mentally exhausted. I think I am going to go see my own therapist for a " tune up ". Just a few sessions to help me cope.

Well its been awhile since I have updated so here s what is new.. We are still separated, she seems to think that we have been split up for a lot longer than we have been. She is still hurting herself and still has blocks of memory loss. She is seeing a therapist ( whom she has no memory of seeing the past 15 months ) who loaned her a book called Bodily Harm that is about people who harm themselves. She asked me to read it and tell her why she is doing this. She sleeps a lot now as well. Could that be depression? Last weekend she decided to come stay with me . She kept telling me I needed to go meet someone else. I said no I was not interested. She pressed the issue and finally I said that I could not go meet anyone else because I was still in love with her. She said the only way she could move on was for me to move on first. I said well that is not happening. Then she drops this bomb... she tells me she isn t sure if she can handle seeing me with anyone else and she feels as if she would be cheating should she meet someone and become intimate. I asked her why she even bothered coming over for the weekend and she said she wanted to see if she could handle being here without the dog and if her and I could be friends. She also asked me why I had moved so far away from her? I explained that the plan was for her to get her act together and then move out here with me. She looked at me with a blank stare and said she didnt remember this. She also started crying over the dog and the person she lost. This is so very difficult. I never know what she will remember and what she will not. She also thinks she has told me something when she has not. I seriously wonder how she functions every day. Is it possible for someone to " fade " in and out of memory like this? I am so mentally , emotionally and physically exhausted. I spoke to our family doctor again about what is going on but she told me I had to focus on myself to stay healthy for all this. Thanks for letting me vent.

Which book?

I think your dealing with this quite well. I admire your strength.

Well its one thing to think that a relationship is over but when the other person verbalizes that its over it can still be quite devastating. Personally I think he feels its unfair to keep you hanging around while he gets his s*** together ( pardon the language ). But I have a feeling that once you return he will try to make contact.

Such great advice!

Yes, my partner did have a couple other long term relationships. Like KayC I believe there can be long lasting true love. Yes the passion may settle but I have met many couples who are in their later years who still walk hand in hand. No relationship is without its problems but I believe that as long as there is open communication then you will have a healthy relationship. Also I dont see any reason why an opposites attract couple cannot have a successful relationship, each person brings something different. If we were both too much the same it would be kind of boring! Yes of course you will have similiar likes and dislikes ( music , books , movies , food etc ) thats usually what adds to the attraction.