First off my real name is Randy. My dad's passing last April has left me feeling even more isolated and alone. Ever since I ended up here in Phoenix and got clean and sober 17 years ago, I have been mainly on my own. Especially over last 10 years. Others told me at the funeral that they would stay in touch but I quess they forgot that my life has to go on with or without support. Actiing out in some strange ways but it doesn't involve drugs or alcohol so far. Even though, I have been thinking about it. Being that I stayed loaded-drunk for nearly 20 years, I am finding it hard to find a way to establish relationships now that I have to deal with reality. Being in this much pain has not been all that good on my recovery. You would be surprised what has gone thru my head since April 11th. Now I have to deal with the reality of probably spending another birthday alone in two weeks and then going to the grave site a week later for my dad's birthday. Which is going to seem really strange. Now have to get back to work. Hope at least a part of this makes sense. Being that I am in a brave new world this year, I am not sure of much these days. Peace (would add photo but it never lets me) Yes i am married, at least on paper, but she doesn't seem to be able to understand what in the heck is going on inside of me.