Dear Maria, I think of my own grief as an elliptical shape and picture it in orbit around my core life. Sometimes, it's very close and almost feels like it did during the very first days of loss. At other times, I' m cognizant of it but it remains a comfortable distance and I'm able to tolerate it. Every so often, it's at the far end the orbit and I feel real happiness and contentment in my core life.
Though I have never lost a child, and my heart aches for you, 5 years ago I suffered 5 losses in one year. The first two years were very dark. I, still, have moments in time, where the losses seem unbearable. When my grief is close I try to remember the things that helped me survive the first years...one step at a time, tell someone, accept the hugs and the words of support, honor the one you lost in a tangible way, allow yourself to mourn and remember, make a connection - even if it's just "hello" - to one other person every day, get out of the house for a bit...and, gradually the grief moves to a more distant place in orbit.
I don't know if the grief orbit is forever or if it changes shape or form. It helps me to visualize it as a real, tangible thing and to name it because, then, I can do something for it and, I think, it helps the other people in your life understand you.
I will carry you in my thoughts and I send you whispers of peace to your heart.
Liza