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CoCoa

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Everything posted by CoCoa

  1. Anthony, Wow, all this sound so very familiar! It has been well over a year (Aug. 28, 2013) since I have seen or heard from JC. I was so hurt, confused and crazy I could not see straight. I did all the wrong things texted/called/emailed all in the name of HOPE that things would return to the way they were before his mom died. NOT! He left me, never looked back. it is like he never existed like those amazing few months we spent together while his mom was dying never happened but it did. Now I look back on it and know it had nothing to do with me it was what he needed to do to grieve. I still think of him without the desire to contact him in anyway, I stopped looking at his Facebook page after I unfriended him..I did't wan't to see or know anything...EVERYTHING HURT. It took me about 10 months to return to myself, I have dated some but I am very guarded, that situation changed me actually for the better I dated differently. not so quick to give so much of me without it being earned. I am so sorry you are in such pain, know it will pass and you will go on with your life. This is a great place to come and vent and get support, it there is anything I can stress it is like KayC said do not make any contact, it will hurt you when she does not respond in the way in which she once did or not respond at all. Make yourself the most important person to yourself right now try to eat, sleep and pray for you future. Stay positive about your life, it will go on and one day without realizing it she will be a distant memory. Your heart will heal, CoCoa
  2. ffigoni, I could not agree with KayC more, take your time and heal. You are raw and fragile right now, dating or connecting with anyone should be somewhere down the road for you at this time. I swear I was so messed up after this happened I felt like I could not MOVE. The more I tried to understand it the more it HURT, spend time reading here for support I remember reading KayC's story and many more like hers that gave me peace. I am sure I know more about grief and loss than most people, I really needed to the come to terms with this so I could be somewhat normal again. They are forever changed and so are we, I sought counseling and I remember when I first went to her she was amazed that I was not GRIEVING, she helped me give myself permission to GRIEVE. I felt I had no right to grieve and it I did I was being selfish this man lost his mother...who was I to be hurting. Guess what? We lost someone too and that someone was a person we loved and wanted to spend out lives with...go go ahead and GRIEVE YOUR LOSS. Do what you need to do to feel better in time. I am dating very differently now and believe me it is like being considered for HIGH SECURITY GOVERNMENT JOB, nothing is happening until I check them out thoroughly. We all fear being hurt but when you have been devastated the way we need to beyond careful. I have never felt so weak and crazy in my life, I was broken into the smallest pieces imaginable as you are however from me now 8 months later I got me back changed and stronger forever. This will be you too...Let it happen or another loss will come and you will really break. Please keep reading here PLEASE! Hugs, CoCoa
  3. ffigoni,, I am so sorry you are going through this, I went through something very similar when someone I started dating lost his mother a few months after we started dating. He shut down on me 3 weeks after she died, we communicated maybe 3 times after that mostly for him to give me my things back. I have not seen or heard from him since August 2013, it is as if he fell off the face of the earth. It took me months to get out of the state of shock I was in. Although we only dated a few months, I was very attached to him and thought he was the love of my life.....I have just started dating again but I doubt I will ever trust another man with my heart again. BREATHE AND TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME....THIS TOO WILL PASS! CoCoa
  4. KayC, I am so blessed to have met him....I have no regrets although we may never be together again.
  5. Hi Pollara and kayc, I appreciate your feedback and sharing of your personal experiences. I have NO EXPECTATIONS that this situation will turn out one way or another, I just pray my guy is okay and that he will return to the man I got to know....not for me but for HIM. He is an amazingly kind spirit with a heart of gold and I know he has so much life to live and love to give to someone....if not me then someone that will appreciate him completely. He is coming up for air and I am just glad he reached out to me, the correspondence is very light...but he initiated so I know he was thinking of me. That warms my heart.....CoCoa
  6. Update: He posted this on Facebook last night: "Thank God for meditation and prayer... Through solitude, I finally figured out what I wanna be when I grow up.... You know that second phase of your life... And boy am I going to have some fun... "...I liked the post. Today he texted me "Powerball 400 Million!!!" I texted back "Thanks, I will get tickets!!" This is the only communication we have had since he told me he needed time about 3 weeks ago. I guess it is just to touch base with me as a friend, I am happy for that and I have no expectations or reconnecting. I am just glad he is okay and has taken time to grieve and do whatever he needs to do for HIM. I know we will always be friends because I allowed him his space without pressure. I pray for him everyday and will always do so, I find peace knowing I can at least do that for him. - CoCoa
  7. KayC, I understand your lack of trust, I am right there with you....Love can happen at anytime so I remain hopeful that it will find me again. This is how I am making it through my days, I have NO EXPECTATIONS that my guy will return to me, Actually I have told myself he will not and that I must keep living my life like I did the day before I met him. I have a very full and active life at 50, I go dancing, have my own business and I am a freelance writer for a small greeting card company, I don't sit still long. I have gone on one date since the break and am very open to meeting and dating new men. I have had my heart broken several times yet I trust in the beauty of true love....I JUST KNOW IT IS OUT THERE FOR ME...and for you and Pollara. I will always love and adore my guy no matter what and I know he feels the same....bad timing for us for the second time in this life but who knows, maybe 3 times will be the charm. I am not waiting to find out because I may miss my true BLESSING by being sad and shut in because I am grieving a lost love to grief. I remain positive and "let go with LOVE". Hey 50 is the new 30,,,,, Be gentle with yourselves....CoCoa
  8. Hi KayC, Thank you so much for your kind and wise words. your story was on of the first I read and I must say you have handled the situation very well considering the pain I know you must have experienced. The way you are still connected to him is very admirable and I just pray I have the same strength when and if my guys comes back around. We started as friends and that is something I will always cherish. I sometimes think that God had our paths cross at that time just so he would have someone other than his family to support him through his mother's transition. I look at it as an honor that I was chosen, there is not one bad thing I can say about my guy and I know that his intent was never to hurt or disrespect me. No he will never be the same man I fell for nor will I ever forget the way he made me feel so special in so many ways. Honestly I believe his secondary losses along with the loss of his mother are painful beyond anything I could imagine. I was married and divorced many years ago and I know the feeling of failure and loss that creates. He must feel life his entire world has fallen apart and his heart is shattered for good, I pray for his peace and comfort each and everyday. I have my good and not so good moments missing him but my thought of him always make me smile.....I know I have to move forward and live my life, I told him when we connected I have a very full life and I do but he was a lovely addition and I miss that. Statistically I know it is very likely we will never be together again, that's okay because we once were and it was so good. Stay Blessed and thanks again... CoCoa
  9. Hi all, My name is CoCoa and I am new to the site although I have been reading here for the past few weeks. I have read so many thought provoking and comforting post here and thought I could get some advice on my current situation...I know he and I will never be the same or quite possibly NEVER BE AGAIN but I still have hope in my heart we will be friends in the future. Here is my story: I met my guy a few years back but neither of us were completely single at the time, we were friends on Facebook and back in May of this year began to chat there, we then exchanged numbers and had our first conversation which lasted 3 hours....we clicked immediately! We talked about our lives, careers and families...he had divorced in the past year, has beautiful twin daughters about to start college, six sisters, he is the only male child and he told me his mom was very ill. She had a stroke 2 years ago and had never fully recovered, she was in a nursing home. My guy and I started to date just before he left town for his daughter's high school graduation, we communicated daily while he was away and after he got back we were either on the phone, out having a meal and drinks or taking in a movie. We were dating regularly and had a great admiration for each other. There were times I did not see him due to his need to go spend time with his mom which I knew was very important to him. Early July he mentioned his sisters and he had to make a very difficult decision about hospice care for his mom, there were issues with her feeding tube. The week he told me I was going out of town for a few days and saw him before I left, he was very concerned with when I would be returning. As fate would have it she passed very early the morning of July 16th as I was driving back to NJ from DC. He texted me his mom passed and I called him immediately and asked if he wanted me to come to him as I was not far from where the nursing home was....I had never been there before but I wanted to be there for him. He said no, go home and he would call me later. We communicated regularly during the time his family and he made the arrangements for his mother's burial, I did not see him much but he always made sure to call or text me because he knew I was concerned about him. I know he started to grieve before she passed because there were times I would not hear from him or see him and then he would resurface. I had not met his mother or any of his family so going to the viewing and funeral made me a bit nervous. I went to the viewing and was put a little at ease when on of his twin sisters walked up to me and said you must be CoCoa, you looks just like the pictures I saw of you. He had told his twin sisters about me during their visits with their mom. At both the viewing and the funeral I sat to the side and tried to make sure I could see him as much as possible, before his mom passed he told me he hoped he did not completely breakdown and lose it due to her passing, that he had to be strong for his sisters and all the women in his family. I also attended the repass which was held at the church after the services. When I walked in he lit up when he saw me kissed me on the forehead he is very tall 6'5 and I am 5'7 grabbed my hand and proceeded to in traduce me to each and everyone of his family members. The first few weeks after he seemed to be okay, I did not see him on the weekends much and I believe that is when he would withdraw and mourn. One Monday after he and I did not speak or see each other he texted me "when can we meet so I can give you your stuff". I was so confused and called him to ask "why so extreme?" I only had a few things at his place and it was nothing important that I needed. He came to my house and I got in his car to talk, I asked him if he was going to let me say anything....he said not here take your stuff I have to go to work, he placed a bad on my lap and ..I did not look at it....I WANTED TO TALK, he said "that's your stuff right?" I looked down at the bag only to find out it was a gift, wrapped in a beautiful red box....OMG he got me! He said the look on my face was priceless..I bet it was. We resumed our dating, went to dinner that night and the following night. I was back on cloud 9. Here is where we disconnected, he has a very high profile position in law enforcement, for a few days he was calling me and kept saying let me call you back, this went on for three days and I felt a bit disrespected so I said something to him about it being very rude and he got a little nasty and said something about me being insecure...this conversation was not nice and we both became silent, I broke the silence by saying I have to go and wash the dishes and we hung up. After that he would not take my calls and became very distant. I did finally see him last week, we had lunch and neither one of us could eat, he looked and acted like a person I had never seen before, I could see the hurt and pain in his face and he was extremely irritated about everything. I was crushed, I said to him "this is a bad dream right?" We said something about always being friends...he could barely make eye contact with me and I told him "I missed the high I used to get when he would light up when he saw me". he gave me a very weak smile. My heart was breaking at that moment. His birthday was that Saturday, I asked to take him out and he said he did not know what he was going to do....Needless to say I did not see him, earlier that week he said something about it being his first birthday without his mom....During that conversation he also said he was too old to be living his life in the fast lane....that he was good being by himself right now. We walked to our cars he gave me my belongings back and hugged me and kissed me several times on my cheek.....I was in a state of shock. Later that night I got this text from him : "You are my deep down inside... You are a beautiful woman with a lot of class... I'm hurting inside and need some time stay strong and brilliant you are it.....Let your sway show!!!" I responded " I know you are hurting and I will be here for you if you need to talk." I have honored what he has asked other sending him a birthday email which he thanked me for and mailed him a birthday card. I see on Facebook he has taken a few road trips and even posted a romantic song on there the other night....we don't post or like anything on each other's pages,,,,there is a very loud silence, I miss him like crazy and at times wonder does he think of me and our time together. I know he is in deep pain and maybe is grieving secondary losses as well....his second marriage which ended last year and the fact he had to sell his big beautiful home after the divorce. I am just praying that one day I will see that big infectious smile again and those soul stirring green eyes. He truly is an AMAZING MAN!!!! He turned 53 last Saturday and I 50 this past June....I saw him as another chance at LOVE...he came out of nowhere for me only to lose him like this....... Thank you for reading this long post...I omitted some details but I am sure you all get the gist of my story as we all share the same pain. Thank you in advance for any and all feedback. Blessings to you, CoCoa
  10. SadMellyDelly, We truly have the very same thoughts about this, "let go with love". I have nothing bad to say about my guy either he was an impeccable gentleman, kind and very caring the entire time we dated even after his mom passed he really did try to stay connected to me. I could see the hurt and pain in his beautiful green eyes the last time we spoke and he even apologized for being so down. He has a very big heart and that is one of the things I adore about him. I went complete no contact except for our friendship on Facebook, we don't post or like each other's post e any more but I think he may be sending me indirect messages there....last night he posted a very romantic song and I just smiled. Every memory I have of him makes me know we will always be friends at the very least, he is an amazing man! It's funny as much as I miss talking to him and seeing him I feel peace in knowing I am honoring his wishes by giving him what be needs right now. About a week after his mom passed he gave me a beautiful gift to thank me for being so supportive during the pass few months...I knew it came from his heart and that he was truly grateful. I know he will never be the same but if he remains half the man I came to know he will be better than most. Thank you for you kind words and GOD BLESS YOUR HEART because I know I it feels to be in your shoes, but like you said this is not about us they are hurting much more than we can ever imagine. Stay strong and keep praying God hears you....CoCoa
  11. Hi SadMellyDelly, I am also new to this site, I just joined today after reading here for about a week. Our stories are very much the same as I was in a new relationship with my guy and his mother was dying when we met, she passed July 16th. She had a stroke 2 years ago and never recovered and like you I had never met her until going to the viewing and funeral. I will post my detailed story in a separate post. After my guy texted this I went complete no contact : "You are my deep down inside... You are a beautiful woman with a lot of class... I'm hurting inside and need some time stay strong and brilliant you are it.....Let your sway show!!! His birthday was last Saturday and he spent it with friends, I was excluded. It hurt so badly...I will be there for him if he needs but I can't stand the feeling of rejection if I call or text and he does not respond. As much as I pray things will go back to the way it was...I used to get such a high when were dating and how he lit up when he saw me, that was gone the last time I saw him, he would not make eye contact and looked like a completely different person. My heart goes out to all of you who are going through this....this is a first for me and at 50yrs old I truly saw him as another chance at love. Be easy on yourselves and TAKE CARE OF YOU. It's hard and it HURTS but we will come through it stronger and wiser.
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