Dear Daddy,
I wanna tell you how much I miss you and your hugs. Mammy misses you too, even though she tries to be brave for me and the girls, I have seen her cry if a song comes on the radio that reminds her of you or if she is left alone with her thoughts for too long. Its slowly killing me inside to see her sad.
We put the Christmas decorations up last week it was horrible for the first time in i don't know how long, i cried. A full on cry. its just not the same any more with out you i try to be strong but it is so hard sometimes, everyone is telling me i have to be strong but i cant. it is horrible going into school and the everyday teasing is ten times worse and the ever increasing work load and the stress. You were taken from us so suddenly without even a goodbye or a hug Daddy.
I miss you from your funny little ways and your cuddles, to that mischievous glint that is always in your eyes, your constant teasing of me and my friends, your comforting words after a bad day, our trips to the airport to go plane spotting, your undying devotion to make us happy even it if means getting up at half six in the morning with a killer hang over, the hugs and kisses before i go to bed, the shouting to turn down the music or to do my home work or to stop singing because i sound like a cat being run over even though you were only joking, the days i went to work with you, the look of excitement in your eyes when the aer lingus Retro plane came in to land, your love of dogs and that proud glint in your eyes when your eyes when you watched one of us compete. I'll miss our talks most of all,our endless arguments over what new planes aer lingus bought and when you would finally get around to teaching me to drive.
You have told me all my life that you are proud of me and you love me i know you probably cant see this letter but i want you to know that i am so proud of you and i love you. Every time a plane goes by over head i stop and look up no matter what i am doing and i say " Thats my daddy up there!" my friends think im bonkers but they know i miss you . im crying as i am writing this letter just thinking on all the times we had together all these memories crammed into the space of fourteen years.
the other day i asked mum could i do something and she said no and what was the first thing that popped into my head "i'll ask dad when he gets home he will let me." it just came to me , my brain still has it fixed that you are just at work. its the evenings are the hardest no hug and kiss before bed , no giving out that im not asleep no van rattling into the drive at 11 o clock at night , no listening for the text and then the sound of the kettle being boiled to indicate you are on your way home , i got into the habit of waiting for these signals to tell me you were safe . when half 11 comes i keep waiting for that front door to open for you to walk in and throw your bag down.
everyone in school is so excited for cristmas but i want to just sleep through the day. ill end this letter now i just want you to know that i love you with all my heart and i will never for get you and i love you and your are the greatest dad in the world well to me anyways, and im just so proud of you daddy i really am and i promise you this that you have your wings and im going to get mine and nothing is going to stop me
love, miss, need you
Your Daughter ,
Maria xx
